>
> ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE
>
>
> The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in
> Libya, Egypt and Syria and have therefore raised their security level
> from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised
> yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
>
> The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
> tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from
> "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
> "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the
> Spanish Armada.
>
> The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pizzed Off" to "Let's
> get the Barstewards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
> they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
> 300 years.
> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
> alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France
> are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
> recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
> paralyzing the country's military capability.
>
> Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
> to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
> Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
>
> The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
> Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs." They also
> have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
>
> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
> threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
>
> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
> deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
> Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
>
> Australia ,meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
> to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
> "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
> "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
> of the final escalation level.
>
> A final thought -“Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting
> aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC”.
>
> -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
>
> ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE
>
>
> The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in
> Libya, Egypt and Syria and have therefore raised their security level
> from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised
> yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
>
> The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when
> tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from
> "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
> "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the
> Spanish Armada.
>
> The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pizzed Off" to "Let's
> get the Barstewards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason
> they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last
> 300 years.
> The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
> alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France
> are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a
> recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively
> paralyzing the country's military capability.
>
> Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
> to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
> Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
>
> The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
> Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs." They also
> have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
>
> Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
> threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
>
> The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
> deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new
> Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
>
> Australia ,meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries"
> to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain:
> "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and
> "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
> of the final escalation level.
>
> A final thought -“Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting
> aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC”.
>
> -- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
>
