Buonas díaz Playmates ..



Espanola wasnt for us after all , lol

We came back the other day glad to be home ....to be perfectly honest the costas is too rough for this ex Manc sink estate lad ,lol

Dont get me wrong you can go live up in the hills an think your secure but you aint ,lol if you live with the expats in a community its stifling an not my vision of what Living the Spanish Life is all about ,

Let me start from the beginning we arrived at Malaga Airport a few weeks ago ,
I had prebooked a Zafira hire care ,
price was ok for the weeks ,
I drove us too Nerja about 50km from the airport ,
remembering to keep on the right ,lol

This was a nightmare drive as I was cautious an not "driving like a Spaniad !"
(a term there meaning like a lunatic !)
what should of been around half an hour , took me a good hour ,lol

we arrived in the town in the afternoon ,

we had prebooked into the Hotel Nerja Princess, very nice hotel , would recommend it , room was lovely/smart clean an aircon ,
we then went an relaxed around the pool ,
btw the wifes sis Tracey had her own room :)

we spent the next few days going around the agents getting details of villas an we booked a local villa just outside of town to move into to try the life style ,of course ..

we went out at nights for a meal an then too spanish tapas local bars...
Yes I have been back on the drink :( .....

the thing is over there its a way of life is drinking in moderation which I did :)..... (til cop party)

in these "very bloke" spanish bars , the ladies loved the attention from the spanish men while I went chatting in very basic spanish about moving to Spain ,
from what I was told the massive influx of Algerians an Africans are a real problem for their police the guardia civilia ,
who cannot cope WHATSOEVER !!! .....

with the amount of trouble these migrantsare bringing
(Slogger are you listening ,lol)

A few years ago it was the East Europeans/Ruskies that was the problem ,
now the Arabs an Blacks ......who will slit your throat for spare change , hmmm :( charming ...

The bar owner gave me the mobile phone no for his cousin Carlos ,

who was the head honcho at the the local guardia civil ....
which I thought was very cool an friendly, ;)

an he assured me if I "El Toro !" .... the Bull , lol ,

( cos I told them on our introductions "the two ladies were mine,instead of with me " , in my bad spanish ,lol)

If I ever needed police help I was to ring him ...por favor senor ,lol

The spanish people ARE Wonderful Warm an Great ......

We went to a lot of Brit places too ..
we arent the snotty types
an had many good nights in shambles karaoke,
I giving my wonderful renditions of Bobby Daron's Mack the Knife an The Jams ,Going Underground ,

with "The Bulls" two groupies ..lol .....trouble there but more later ,

We left the Hotel after the 4 night ,
Fantastic family run place an the owners are lovely,
an we headed too the luxury villa ....£800 a week ,
I will look it up an post it here ...it was in the Chumbera Hill area ...

It was Gorgeous a 4 bed villa on two level all very modern ,
Alan the Brit owner had a cancellation an thats why we got it so cheap ,
the pool was massive an in a walled secluded fully stocked beautiful garden ....
we chilled an lived the movie star life for a few days ,:)
sunbathing , :)
which was so hard for me in so many ways...
two gorgeous ladies in string thong bikinis ,

"hey Moz come put some more oil on me !" .. OH YES :) :)

I spent all day throwing myself in the pool to cool my ardour ...

an floating about on a lilo.. ;) ;)

I was so randy at night an we nearly ALL ended up in bed together a few times , but I HAD to remember they are sisters an whats great fun in drink that night is a relationship nightmare/minefield next morn for us all ..
40yo an showing an age I didnt want ,

last night we were ageless ..lol:) ;)

for the next few days we spent in hot weather Hell viewing villas ,
I then bailed an went to the beach for a few days at Burriana Beach an left them to it ,

at nights we were travelling about by cabs to areas ,
not drinking an driving ,
the major Brit areas really made you ashamed to be british the fighting hoolie mobs , I expect that in those areas but this ..

One night we saw a spanish guy get stabbed up an his face slashed by an Arab guy ,
the blade must of cut an artey as the blood spray was all over the road outside the bar ...disney hadnt nothing on him on colour..lol

I was talking too the bar owner afterwards ,
an he says its nothing special an its normal ...drugs or criminals ..

Just shrugged it off ...

he told me never to mess with the arabs ****** ,
I cannot think of the word it was like ni gger but more extreme the spanish call the Arabs ...

The ambulance took 20 mins to get to these guy,
he being first aided on the street by his friends ,
the guardia civil didnt show but a fire truck pulled up an washed the blood stains away for the next Sunny Happy Day an this was in a quiet spanish part of town ..

After seeing how really lawless it was even in this quiet town ,
an the fact my wife an her sister were pig sick of hearing the usual Bullshot from agents ,
On asking them about the alarm system an bars on every window,
they tried to make out there isnt a Crime Problem in the Costas , Yeah Right ,

In the local paper I read about the new crime of homejacking ,

where they just knock on your front door.... an come in mob handed with knifes an rob you ..an disappear ..

an if your out in the wilds /hills ...dont even bother with an alarm or ringing the guardia civil ..
:( :(

they will be tied up stopping yob brits scrapping in the major towns ..

What was the finale straw in the new life abroad was the night in this Shambles Karaoke bar ...
I was singing away ,
" the girls" were at the front clapping an joining in ,
it wasnt busy it was 12 ,
so a few in ,
the guy on the door Jez , a scouser , nice lad had gone the toilet ,

An these three Arab teen lads just ran in an were just snatching handbags off women ...an then heading out ...

I just stood there in shock an ...then ....I was off.... after them ,

I used to run a bit in the day/sunday league footie , lol

this nasty **** had stolen one of my ladies bags ,

I wasnt gonna wait for plod ,
I shot off after them ,
Thank God I had changed my pumps as the other ones had given me a blister ,

anyway I knew the town now an was gaining on them ,
they were slowing up ,
prob cos no-one chases them ..lol
we were heading past the post office towards the old town ,
they split up an I stopped ,

I was knackered /heart in mouth ....
an my feet Flipping ached ..lol ,

I walked back to the the bar,
everyone was milling about outside ,
the spanish owner Lope came an said he had wrung the police

this scouse lad said , "F*ck me youre a brave lad ,"

it dawned on me an I had to sit down I could of got killed for a few bags an money ,
I was being lauded as a hero, people buying us drinks ....... an we know what happens to heroes ..
I sat there an thought I would of done the same in Manc city centre ,if that had happened there ..an had GM Plod running with me in secs ,kicking the scumbags into custody ,

1hr later still no guardia civil ...

I rang that number in given for Plod ..

10 mins an this Carlos was there ,
shotgun in hand an after the the bad guy FFS ..

He then tore into me as like a fool,
he TOLD me its a past crime ...
an even wanted to charge me for not having my passport with me ....

everyone in Spain MUST SHOW a Passport to the police when asked .. by law or you can get fined ..!!

The bar owner told him what I had done ..
I was trying to keep up with the spanish talk ,
but he was ok I knew NO BETTER , you ring GIVEN Nos when you fear for your life here..

I bought cops /barguy a few brandies an they where coolies .. but still he was a Big Joke ..

I told Carlos in the UK we ring 999 we get a response ..

there they have 40 cars/ two officers for an area the size of London

cannot argue ..:( Spanish police are so unfunded ..

We chatted/drank for ages, in a quiet area of the bar ...
he made me swear by a spanish "Saint whatever" I never take on Arabs again ..

he then jumped up an cut the music went on stage an in bad english said ," Go Police Station an report stolen "

Maria ..my wife who was sat close said to me We are going home we arent living here ...an DONT YOU EVER DARE DO THAT AGAIN ..

we invited Carlos back to our villa thinking he would say no , Im on duty ,

but then we were piled in the back of the the policía car, as the drunk lad juan spun the car all over up to the villa as Carlos roared with laughter ..

we dived into the well stocked bar ..an had fun around the pool , I was the good host ...:) :) :)

my wife said she was going to bed ,
I said I would join her as I wanted too as well ,
humble an very stupid in what I had done earlier ... ..

but as fat an skinny pedro plods were all over the very willing sis Tracey in just thong , how could I..

Maria wanted ME to watch an make sure she was ok ..

I kissed Marie an told her how Deeply Sorry I Was , an hugged an held her close ....

Back at the pool , Trace had them stood on pool side doing all manner of stupid things as she floated naked on the lilo in front of them ..

I then cracked into a bottle of J/Daniels an was like a pirate swigging it from the bottle ,
I remember watching the threeways ,

an her making them ............

I awoke with the villa ginger cat licking my face ...I looked down an checked my body movement ,
I was ok ..
I got up to see the maid cleaning up empty bottles into a black bin liner ,
she said"Hello!" on later hearing it was Romanian I gave her the thumbs up an 100es tip which is a better one ,

I raced inside an up too the bed rooms bursting in ..

I ran downstairs heart in mouth an saw Maria at the cooker an Tracy head in hands at the breakfast bar , OMFG ...:(

I went an threw my arm around her an said are "you ok sweetie" (playful name)
She lifted her head up , blood shot dead eyes,roughness said "Yeah Why ??????"
anyway she was ok ,well f*** an happy just hung over ..

I was thrown back into my youth , where my peers on that salford sink scum estate always said , out of the two sisters ,
Tracy , she is Gorgeous , an Knows it , an she IS a **ck Bunny
Maria , she is gorgeous , an knows it , but a Freeze Queen

an old friend told me
"pick the winner an hit the jackpot , you know shes right for you !"

thanks the Real Moz /The Smiths ..
Anyway she had a good holiday in the End,

you couldnt smack her stupid grin off her face as we touched down in Manc Airport.., lol ;)

it was Tracies bag that was nicked , but as said dont take out what you dont want to lose ,

Tracey had 30 Euros, her Tesco club card , replaceable , an her Blockbuster card ,out of date ..the card or business /NO
she had condoms an other lady things ,

we never went to the guardia civil ... or it could end up a gang bang with her .. lol

Spain ok for two weeks Holiday .......live there dont bother ...
Just dig deep an get answers ...even from ex pats , not press as everything is sweetness an light , an adverts , lol

We had 300k to spend will look in the lakes ...Kendal an Cumbria here we come ...;)

My purdy/Pussy Cat is cool she lost weight in catteries ..while I was away an I hated it I was ready to go MENTAL when I saw the lil girl , til the vet they got there reassured/CALmed me they had cared for her ...

anyway thats the lot .. ... oh I forgot for my friend , gocl lol..lol..lol..lol..lol..lol...lol..lol...lol...lol.lol ;)
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Is that, like, two weeks in Spain and one week typing ?

Welcome back, mate !!
Hiya johnny_t

lol thats half an hour an worrying about telling the truth about the life there ...

In Brit communities they batten down the hatches an have loads of security guys with big sticks ..

I aint living like that , an damn sure ... I wont let my widow live it ......

Cumbria here We Come .....Toffee ????
Welcome back moz, I've drank 2 pints of beer reading your post, :LOL: :wink

Threesome hmmm... :LOL:

So we've got u back, spain a no no i take it. :LOL:
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Spain ok holidays ,
you dont get robbed in 2 weeks ,
you done well

I like this the buy an old cumbrian farm an 4000 acres shes into now ....
One of my mates got robbed in spain, he was only there for a week, :eek: he went to one of them markets and took his wallet out to buy something and this little kid snatched it and ran off, he went to give chase but this brick-**** house stopped him and told him in broken English to more or else to f##k off. So he lost £300 :LOL:
I have mentioned this what you say ...

here in the UK
999 .. in minutes old bill in mins all over ...they will do a proper police operation ,
next stop Cumbria ... may stop an snap up your council estate ;)..
markie said:
Welcome back moz, I've drank 2 pints of beer reading your post, :LOL:

Not the only one, Markie ;)

Good to see you back, Moz, and hear of your adventures :D
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