Tech support Entertaining calls for help

[corgiman]

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah.
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!


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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one.


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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry...


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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?


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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!


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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


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Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah.................... thank you.


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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.


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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work


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Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.


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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.



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Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


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A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."


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And last but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P"... on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!

 

[Brightness]

Thanks for the laughs corgiman I am in tears here. Some people are so stupid, it's unbelieveable

 

[ban-all-sheds]

These stories are 99.999999% likely to be made up. But never mind, they are fun, and they provide a useful service. There are clueless people out there, but be honest - who hasn't done something braindead with technology of some sort at some time in their lives, and this genre of tales serves to boost the confidence of the real-life clueless, because in real life very few people are as genuinely stupid as the ones in these stories. But they sometimes come close...

Anyway, here's my all-time favorite:

"Word Perfect Technical support; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C:\ prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"

"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

....."Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

....."Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

....."Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach it."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes. I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really! Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."

According to Urban Legends, this one is actually based on a real event, where somebody did call in in the circumstances described. But the stuff at the end about taking the computer back is what the guy wished he could have said.

I worked for a while in a support centre, and we had an application we used to record problem details, investigation details, resolution etc. And we did actually use it, because the centre was manned on a rota basis, so problems often had to be passed from person to person as they progressed.

One day we got a new manager, and he decided it would be a good idea to send customers the report from this system once their problem was resolved so that they could see what we'd done to fix it.

Only he didn't tell us he was doing this, which meant it was not a good idea, it was a Very Bad Idea™. When customers started calling in asking what the resolution code "RTFM" meant it was bad enough, but the real sh*t-storm started when some customers got reports in which we had written, in the comments section for the handover to our replacements, stuff like "warning - this guy is a complete idiot", or "this'll make you laugh - guess what he tried next..."

 

[masona]

A friend of mine used to work for Tiny helpline and one of the OAP trying to learn the new pc technology,

This telephone conversation went on approx 20 mins regarding can't get the mouse to work.

It was because the mouse was on the floor with her foot on it Used to be curtains machinist,

Shouldn't laugh

 

[empip]

"Hello is that tech support?.............. Hello............ hello ........ HeLLLO !
Hel'kinLOWWWW you ~#'@%% %&^£$$ ^&*£ !!"

"Sorry, Belinda here, how can I help........."