they can get worse

[breezer]

3 balloons, mummy balloon, daddy balloon and baby balloon.

daddy balloon says to baby balloon, "son, i think you are old enough now to sleep in your own bed, so we will start tonight."

baby balloon "ok then dad"

later they all go off to bed

at 2 o'clock in the morning baby balloon wakes up frightened
i know, i will go and sleep with mummy and daddy thinks baby balloon.

so he goes into the bedroom, and tries to squeeze in between mummy and daddy balloon, but he can get in.

so he lets some air out of daddy balloon, and tries to get in, but he can't

so he then lets some air out of mummy balloon, and he still can't get in.

so in desperation, he lets some air out of him self, and he manages to squeeze in between mummy and daddy balloon, and falls asleep.

come the morning daddy balloon wakes up and is furious, he wakes baby balloon and says

"look son, you were supposed to sleep in your own bed, you have let me down, your mother down and yourself down

 

[securespark]

And I let myself down, having built up to a cracking punchline!

 

[kendor]

glad to see this post ressurected as there is need for light relief.

 

[pipme]

Dear Mom and Dad,
Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat.. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him.

Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up? The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Mathew is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed.It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance. We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters and buy some more beer. Don't worry about anything. We are fine.

Love, Chris

 

[breezer]

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

 

[ferdinanddebargos]

A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the
dining room table:

"To My Dear Wife,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you with
your 54 years can no longer supply. I am very happy with you and I
value you as a good wife. Therefore after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset - I shall be back home before midnight."

When the man came home, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

"My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. At the same time I would like to inform you that while you read
this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael my tennis coach, who, like your secretary, is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman and with your excellent knowledge of Mathematics, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference. 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.
Therefore, I will not be back home before lunchtime tomorrow."
Your ever loving wife,"