I had to stop playing golf with my friend…

[Nope]

He was so bad that getting around the course took him a hole day!

 

[Notch7]

I met a transvestite
from Manchester
he had a Wigan
address

 

[Ihavenojob]

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

 

[ic1927]

I sat next to an over-enthusiastic insurance salesman at a Robbie Williams concert, and through it all he offered me protection.

 

[Mottie]

Mrs Mottie threatened to leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing 'I'm a believer'. I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.

 

[Nope]

Mrs Mottie threatened to leave me because I wouldn’t stop singing 'I'm a believer'. I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.

Good one!

On a similar note I had a friend who couldn’t stop singing “What’s new Pussycat”, “Delilah” and “The Green Green Grass of Home”. He’s been diagnosed with Tom Jones Syndrome. I’ve never heard of it but apparently it’s not unusual.

 

[Bod ...]

I have this Pakistani Fella who cuts my Hair.
Every bloody time he talks about Hair
My Hair
His Hair
His Girlfriends Hair
Celebrities Hair

I keep telling him I don't understand Urdu

 

[Mottie]

I saw my ex girlfriend on the other side of the museum and was going to say hello but there was just too much history between us.

 

[Bod ...]

I saw my ex girlfriend on the other side of the bridge and was going to say hello but there was just too much water under the bridge.

 

[Mottie]

I saw a butt plug on the pavement today. I think some arsehole must have dropped it.

 

[Bod ...]

I was up in court today accused of Kerb crawling through Cardiff City centre.

 

[Mottie]

I saw a sign the other day that made me literally shît myself. It said 'Toilets closed'.

 

[ic1927]

I saw a bloke sat in his RAC van with his head in his hands sobbing, I thought hmm, he's heading for a breakdown.

 

[ic1927]

My lack of knowledge on Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.

 

[ic1927]

The wife's been having disturbed nights recently. She keeps dreaming and shouting things like "hobbit!", "Gandalf!" and "Mordor!" through the night.
She's been Tolkien in her sleep....