Golf Joke

[fekarrs]

A young woman had been taking golf lessons.
She had just started playing her first round of golf
When she suffered a bee sting.
Her pain was so intense that she decided to return
To the clubhouse for help and
to complain.

Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and
Asked, 'Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?'

'I was stung by a bee', she said.

'Where', he asked.

'Between the first and second hole', she replied.

He nodded knowingly and said,
'Then your stance is too wide.'

 

[tim west]

 

[gregers]

a chap goes to casulty with a 5 iron wrapped round his neck
the dr. asks how did it happen,
the chap says i dont really remember,i was playing golf with the mrs
and we both sent our t shots into a feild of cows,went searching for the balls
lifted a cows tail and shouted to the mrs that this looked like hers,
i dont remember much after that.

 

[fekarrs]

 

[noseall]

 

[Johnmelad502]

A couple decide to go golfing to the best golf course in their state. While playing, the husband tells his wife to be very careful, as there were many houses along the golf course. But the stupid wife swings her club and it breaks one of the glasses of the biggest house on the course.

So the husband and wife decided to go and apologize to the owner of the house. When they reached the house they found a glass bottle lying on the floor broken into hundreds of pieces. They found an old man sitting in his rocking chair and greeted the couple inside.

He said, "I am a genie and I would like to thank you for letting me free from this bottle, and I would like to grant you 2 wishes and the 3rd wish is mine."

So the husband says "I want a private aircraft for myself." The wife said she would like a house in every single country.

The genie says, "for the past 200 years he has never had sex and would like to have sex with the lady."

The husband agrees and the genie takes the lady up and begins having sex.

Then he asks the lady "How old is your husband?"

she replies "47"

and the genie says "And he still believes in genies?"

 

[ColJack]

a nun is in the confessional talking to the priest.
"Forgive me Father for I have sinned"
"And what is your sin child?"
"I used foul language Father"
"Why did you use foul language?"
"Well I was at a charity golf match with 3 of the other sisters when on the 18th hole I tee'd off and hooked the ball into the woods,"
"And that's why you swore?"
"No, a little squirrel ran up to my ball and carried it off up a tree,"
"And that's why you swore?"
"No, a big bird swooped down and grabbed the squirrel off, who was still holding my ball"
"And that's why you swore?"
"No, the bird flew over the green and the squirrel dropped my ball, it landed about 2 foot from the hole"
"And THAT'S why you swore?"
"Not exactly....."
"You missed the put didn't you?"

 

[gregers]

i like that 1.

 

[Johnmelad502]

"You missed the put didn't you?"

Should that not have been, "You missed the F-ing put."

 

[Johnmelad502]

Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play; normally one club and two balls (depending on the course owner the size of the club may be questioned)

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club into the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

4. For the most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed bunkers

 

[conny]

Should that not have been, "You missed the F-ing put."

No. It should have been, "You missed the F-ing putt!"

Gawd, the spelling on here is atrocoi..., attraci.... attrici...

BAD!

 

[tim west]

Bedroom Golf

1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play; normally one club and two balls (depending on the course owner the size of the club may be questioned)

2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.

3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club into the hole and keep the balls out of the hole.

4. For the most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft. Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play begins.

5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid damage to the hole.

6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary until the course owner is satisfied that the play is complete. Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the course again.

7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally take time to admire the entire course, with special attention to well formed bunkers

8. Attention should be used to make sure one is playing the correct hole at all times

 

[D_Hailsham]

A chap bumps into his recently retired boss on the golf course.

"Hello,didn't know you played golf"

"I've decided to take it up, now I'm retired."

"Good idea, you'll enjoy it. By the way, are you a full member or a country member?"

Oh, I'm a country member.

"Yes - I remember."

 

[fekarrs]

KEEP THEM COMING!!

 

[Johnmelad502]

A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wet suit. Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you."! Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here along time.

How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man a cigarette. Man: "Oh thank you so much!"

Girl: "So tell me how long it’s been since you had a drink?" Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink. Man: "Oh.. thank you so much. You are like a miracle"!

Finally the girl starts to unzip the front of her wet suit and asks the man leadingly, "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around? " The man looked at her and said excitedly: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?"