ban-all-sheds said:
PLAN B:
Don't watch it.
Don't talk about it.
Don't think about it.
Before long it's existence won't bother you any more....
I dunno, remember when BBC1 had that "Eastenders: everybody's tawlking abaaaht it" ad campaign? I had never watched Eastenders, it bothered me that I was obviously in the minority. I started to worry. Before long I turned to drugs, my family all left me, I was fired from my job, and my friends decided they didn't want to know an outcast who didn't even watch Eastenders. "One of us, one of us" they chanted daily, outside my window.
I then sank into an ever-descending spiral of self-abuse and pig slapping (that's where you go to a farm, and start slapping a pig on the belly whilst shouting "Bubba gonna make you squeeeel lil piggy!"). But one day I was hiding in the loft, reading the Radio Times, and noticed that only 14 million people actually watched Eastenders. So it became apparent that one of two things had happened... Either the BBC had been lying to me all along, or that the TV viewing statistics companies had ballsed up.
I knew it couldn't be the BBC, why would they lie to me?! So I rang Gallup and asked, but they assured me their figures were correct. I went into the street, I asked a passer-by "Do you watch Eastenders?!". "NO!" they replied. It was true, the BBC had been lying like a right bunch of ba*tards.
I was no longer an outcast, afraid to leave the house in case I was subverted by the Eastenders-watching masses... No. As it turned out, I had been in the majority all along. A proud group of 46 million people here in the UK who didn't watch Eastenders. But my trust in the BBC was never fully restored, especially when I was pulled up in front of the magistrate for pinching that Freeview box from Dixons... Free? My a**e.
