MALE V FEMALE AT THE CASH MACHINE

Joined
2 Feb 2011
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Location
Bristol
Country
United Kingdom
MALE V FEMALE AT THE CASH MACHINE

A new sign in the Bank reads:

'Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through cash machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender.'
*******************************
MALE PROCEDURE:

1... Drive up to the cash machine.

2. LOWER your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Raise window.

7. Drive off.

************************* ******
FEMALE PROCEDURE:

(Unfortunately, most of this is the Truth.!!)



1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Put hand brake on, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.

11. Enter PIN .

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in cheque book and place receipt in back of it.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card
holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on mobile phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Hand Brake.



SEND THIS TO A MAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE LADIES YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!
 
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MALE V FEMALE ON A DATE
**********************

MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Get best suit out of wardrobe.

2. Discover that the waistband has shrunk three inches since you last wore it. :confused: :confused: :confused:

3. Rush out to 24 hour supermarket for a new one. Not bad at £39.99p. :D :D :D

4. Try to iron shirt. :?: :?: :?:

5. Two cracked buttons and a scorch mark later --

6. Rush back to supermarket for a new one.

7, Reserve table at restaurant.

8. Change bed sheets - because you never know your luck. :idea: :idea: :idea:

9. Line up two candles, a bottle of champagne and a single red rose. :cool: :cool: :cool:

10. Have a bath.

11. Have a shave.

12. Get in car and try to start it. :mad: :mad: :mad:

13. Order a taxi instead.

14. Go to collect date.

15. Hang around for an hour while she gets ready. :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

16. Arrive at restaurant an hour late.

17. Get offered a table behind the door next to an old cardboard box. :eek: :eek: :eek:

18. Try to pay bill with out-of-date credit card. :oops: :oops: :oops:

19. Leave date behind as security while you rush home for the new one that arrived two weeks ago.

20. Spend half an hour on the phone trying to get it activated. :evil: :evil: :evil:

21. Raid all piggy banks.

22. Return to find date gone and manager not very happy.

23. Pay bill in small change.

24. Go home alone. :cry: :cry: :cry:

25. Drink champagne. :) :) :)

26. Change sheets again next morning. :LOL: :LOL: :LOL:













FEMALE PROCEDURE:

1. "Fancy an early night? :) :) :) "
 
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