Some Great Put Downs

16 Mar 2008
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United Kingdom
When in England , at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building by George Bush.

He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders. The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return.'

You could have heard a pin drop..

There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?'

A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply
emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in
transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck. We have eleven such ships; how many does France have?'

You could have heard a pin drop.

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S. , English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans
arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'

You could have heard a pin drop.


Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

'You have been to France before, monsieur?' the customs officer asked sarcastically.

Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

'Then you should know enough to have your passport ready.'

The American said, 'The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it.

'Impossible. Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France !'

The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, 'Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find a single Frenchman to show a passport to.'

You could have heard a pin drop.
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Great American Myths

I'm sure Mr Powell, an educated man, is aware of, for example, the US seizing a large part of Cuba, invading part of Mexico and calling it Texas, and expanding into Canada?

I think it is highly improbable that the A of C asked him that question anyway

It sounds to me far more like one of those fables Americans tell each other to reinforce their view that they're wonderful and the rest of the world is just unfriendly and ungrateful.
Elsewhere you have accused the press of prejudice and ignorance, what is that last statement you just made based on?
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Because although this post is of no importance, some of us care about accuracy and veracity, such as U571 did not depict the first discovery of the enigma machine,

The facts surrounding The Great Escape, were that there were no Americans involved. And that while Band of Brothers is pretty accurate individually in the characters and individually in it's situations, it is not totally accurate to say that the characters and situations taken together are totally accurate, it is still a dramatisation. etc, etc.

Sure this is a lighthearted post of little significance, but the insidious changing of historial facts, does a disservice to those who were really involved and seeks to drive division.
Winston Churchill:

Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee."
Winston: "Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it."

Bessie Braddock: “Sir, you are drunk.”
Churchill: “Madam, you are ugly. In the morning, I shall be sober.”

A modest man, who has much to be modest about. (On Clement Atlee)
used something similar on a guy at work..

kept making little snide comments and jokes about my weight ( I'm a lardy, OK?!! )..
so one day in the canteen at breakfast I snapped..

"Joe, I might be fat, but I can lose weight and be thin.. you'll always be a ginger twit" ( substitute A for I in the last word.. )
Not exactly a put down, but highly distasteful:

Was once having an argument with a colleague at work, and she for some reason tried to justify her position by telling me that a few years previously she had had a lung removed (Never been sure what it had to do with the argument!)

All I could reply to this attempt to shock me into silence was "One down, one to go"

Wasn't there once a rather pompous judge, who after listening to a lengthy statement from a barrister, said "I'm not sure if I'm any the wiser"

To which the barrister said "No m'lud, but I think you'll find you're better informed"?
Mate who is on the large side has several put downs when people call him a fat barsteward.

When was the last time you seen your k#ob .... In the mirror at the end of your bed.

Why are you so fat........ your mrs gives me a biscuit after everytime i do her

I may only have a small nail but i have a big hammer to push it in
Wether an urban myth or true.

Mate was driving a lorry through Germany on a sunday when he got pulled over by police.
Who informed him it was illegal for lorries to use certain roads on a sunday and he was being fined.

He replied you didnt stop my dad driving here on a sunday when asked when that was he replied 1945.
He swears its true
Local - 'Have you been to Hamburg before?'

Elderly tourist - 'Yes, but we didn't stay here very long'

(He didn't say he was flying a Wellington bomber at the time)
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