Tell All The Children

J

Johnmelad502

Is There A Santa Claus??
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No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer, which only Santa has ever seen.

There are approximately two billion children (persons under eighteen) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau).

At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to
west (which seems logical).

This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000 th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks.

This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself.

On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds.

Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).

A mass of nearly 600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake.

The entire reindeer team would be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.

Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim considering all the high calorie snacks he must have consumed over the years) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.

Therefore, if Santa did exist... he's dead now!!

Merry Christmas
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You're assuming that santa is a single entity a bit like a man. This is the same fundamental flaw as believing that god is some white haired bloke sitting on a throne.

In fact, god is a bit like our inland revenue system - no matter where you are or where you go, he will be there.
 
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nothing can be greater than that which nothing can be greater than.


if you dont belive father christmas exists look at the wonder in the eyes of young children. He surely does exist. If you dont believe then your world has become sadder and smaller and he's not going to visit you!
 
Sorry Thermo, have to disagree. My kids (youngest 5) know that Santa is not real. They know we and other friends and relatives buy the presents.

I have never pretended that Santa was real.

I think people who seriously kid their offspring about Santa are not being fair to them.

I remember one Mother being seriously upset that at the age of 11, her daughter came home in fits of tears after being told at school by a classmate that Santa was made up.

But she was the one who perpetuated that myth for 11 years... :confused:
 
sad git. do you tell them all the other things in childrens stories are not real.

i think youre robbing them of innocence and a magical part of their child hood.
 
Sorry Thermo, have to disagree. My kids (youngest 5) know that Santa is not real. They know we and other friends and relatives buy the presents.

I have never pretended that Santa was real.

I think people who seriously kid their offspring about Santa are not being fair to them.

I remember one Mother being seriously upset that at the age of 11, her daughter came home in fits of tears after being told at school by a classmate that Santa was made up.

But she was the one who perpetuated that myth for 11 years... :confused:

that's so sad... i'm by no means the best dad in the world, and i'm an atheist, and a synical old git, but i do try to give the kids what they deserve, not what i believe in. They get santa - even argue with my 11 yr old that he's real... shake bells outside, and do the brandy/mince pie/carrot thing too.. i think the kids deserve it.
i also do the tooth fairy thing, and tell them that i know everything, and that i am the strongest man, and the cleverest man in the world. And tell them that no burglar can get through their wall - and if they did i would pummel him ! oh yeah and dead people go to live with fairies....

i also tell people that my new sockets and new lighting system were done before Part P came in !!!!
 
I don't know how to tell you this martian but.... your kids don't believe the bits about 'strongest man', cleverest man'.

As for the pummelling... they KNOW you will mate. ;) :D
 
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