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The joke thread.

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Are we allowed a joke thread on here? Not sure.. I'll start :-)

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My mate asked his mother-law-around to the barbeque. I asked him why?
He said to keep the flies off of the food!!!!
 
Are we allowed a joke thread on here?
Yes.
 
An atheist walking in the woods trips over and suddenly a giant Grizzly is towering over him about to rip him to shreads!

The Atheist decides to pray to God by saying;

"Please Lord, save me! Make this bear a Christian!"

God answers his prayer and the bear kneels down and makes the sign of the cross and says;

"Thank you Lord for this food that i am about to eat"....
 
Teacher asks the class to use the word contagious. First kid stands up and says "last year I got the measles and mum said it was very contagious".
Next kid gets up and says "Nan says there is a flu going round and it is contagious".
And of course little Seamus has to put his two pence worth in. "Our next door neighbour is painting his house. Me da' said "Bejesus, Would you look at that, he's using a two inch brush to paint a house, that'll take the contagious".
 
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Two men are on opposite sides of a river. The first man shouts to the second, "How do I get to the other side of the river?"

The second man shouts back, "You are on the other side of the river!"
 
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