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2scoops0406
Two turkeys going for a stroll in December.
One says to the other, doing anything nice for new year?
One says to the other, doing anything nice for new year?
Was that Tone and fatso ? 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later of naughty fun, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.
The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later of naughty fun, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on it's head."
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Dear Mum and Dad,
Our scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw our flood on TV and are worried. We are ok. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is ok. He can't write because of the cast. I got a ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps - It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know if you put petrol on a fire, the gas will blow up? The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Sunday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said with a bus as old as that you expect something to break down -- that's probably why he can't get insurance. We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 kids on a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the police patrol man stopped us and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a great driver. In fact he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any cops. All we ever see are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast,-- it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster -- so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of his time working on the bus, so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first-aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm,we got to see how a tourniquet works.
Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it was probably food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said he got sick that way with the food he ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now . We are going into town to mail our letters & buy some beer and ammo.
Don't worry about any thing.
We are fine.
LOVE, CHRIS
Our scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw our flood on TV and are worried. We are ok. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.
Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is ok. He can't write because of the cast. I got a ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps - It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.
Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know if you put petrol on a fire, the gas will blow up? The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.
We will be home on Sunday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said with a bus as old as that you expect something to break down -- that's probably why he can't get insurance. We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the bumpers. It gets pretty hot with 45 kids on a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the police patrol man stopped us and talked to us.
Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a great driver. In fact he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any cops. All we ever see are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast,-- it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster -- so he let us take the canoe out. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.
Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of his time working on the bus, so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first-aid merit badges. When Andrew dived into the lake and cut his arm,we got to see how a tourniquet works.
Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it was probably food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said he got sick that way with the food he ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?
I have to go now . We are going into town to mail our letters & buy some beer and ammo.
Don't worry about any thing.
We are fine.
LOVE, CHRIS
what would you call a deer with no eyes
ive no idea
ive no idea
B
breezer
ok then.(yours should be "no idea")
what do you call a dear with no eyes or no legs?
still no idea
thought that was bad?
what do you call a dear with no eyes, no legs and a cut throat?
still no bl**dy idea
what do you call a dear with no eyes or no legs?
still no idea
thought that was bad?
what do you call a dear with no eyes, no legs and a cut throat?
still no bl**dy idea
what do you call a dog with no legs
woodbine cos you take it out for a drag
woodbine cos you take it out for a drag
once had a dog called blacksmith
if you kicked it it made a bolt for the door
if you kicked it it made a bolt for the door
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Chap goes into a pub, and whilst there hears this other guy boasting that his alsation that was sat by his feet, would obey no one else but him, and he was willing to put money on it. He challenged anyone £100 to try to get it to do something that he didn't command.
The new visitor thinks this worth a try, and boasts in return that he will win the £100.
They put their money on the table , he picks the dog up in his arms, throws it on the fire and shouts "GET OFF!"
The new visitor thinks this worth a try, and boasts in return that he will win the £100.
They put their money on the table , he picks the dog up in his arms, throws it on the fire and shouts "GET OFF!"
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