I totally agree with the principal of letting someone go, as long as they want to. A few years ago, during discussions with the sister of the ward, where my mother was a patient, I spotted on her notes "DO NOT RESUSCITATE".
I was absolutely outraged. Although my mother was suffering from Parkinsons disease, this stay in hospital was for nothing more serious than a kidney infection. I demanded to know what was meant by the note. It was explained that, in the event of my mother having a heart attack (or other such seizure), no attempt would be made to resuscitate her. I asserted that this would not be her wishes, but they said, it's standard practice for patients of that age with degenerative diseases.
I demanded that they remove this from the notes immediately. At this time my mother had some problems with mobility, but still had all her mental faculties. They refused on the grounds that it was a "medical decision" that could only be made by a doctor.
Since I was refusing to budge, a doctor was called and a fairly heated argument ensued. He eventually deleted the note, But had the cheek to say, "it doesn't matter what it says on the notes though. If your mother has a heart attack, everyone on the ward knows your mothers age and that she has Parkinsons, so a clinical decision will be made at the time, not to resuscitate"
I decided not to let my mother know of this incident, as I was worried the stress would severely upset her. Besides, I was fairly confident that the issue wouldn't arrise. Due to her very healthy lifestyle, she had no history of heart trouble or strokes. Unfortunately, a few days later, another visitor mentioned the fracas to her and revealed all the details. She then went into panic mode, and wanted to leave the hospital immediately.
I was called and asked to go to the hospital as a matter of urgency as my mother had now become "unreasonable". When I got there the staff were in the process of getting her committed for her own good. The basis of this was that she was intending to leave the hospital without completing her treatment.
Bearing in mind that this treatment was merely for a kidney infection and I could totally understand her terror at being in the care of people that would simply allow her to die, I felt the concept of having her committed was totally inappropriate. I ended up taking her home for her own sanity.
As I say, I'm all for allowing someone to go, when they want to, but we should never judge what quality of life someone else needs, to be happy. It's surprising what level of handicap people learn to accept. What you may think is unacceptable while you have all your faculties can change when you find yourself in less fortunate circumstances.
My mother remained a constant source of wisdom and guidance to her dying day and a much valued part of the family. Obviously she found the lack of mobility frustrating, but no way was she ready to just slip away without a fight. I really think the doctors were way off base with this one.
