Headhunter: Your CV is blank since June 2016.
May: They told me to only include the good stuff.
Headhunter: But you have been working in a senior role?
May: Absolutely.
Headhunter: A leadership position?
May: I wouldn’t go that far.
Headhunter: In government?
May: Again, that’s an overstatement.
Headhunter: That’s how LinkedIn works, I’m afraid. So tell me: when you were in this senior government position, did you ever think of what you might do otherwise?
May: Excuse me?
Headhunter: Like a plan B?
May: Oh, if I’d had one of those, I wouldn’t be here.
Headhunter: Not to worry. The good news is that we’ve got a lot of senior executive positions coming up in EU regulation.
May: What do they involve?
Headhunter: It’s mostly complaining about how terrible European laws are, and then accepting them anyway. Any relevant experience?
May: A little.
Headhunter: So you know people in Brussels?
May: We’ve had a few late nights.
Headhunter: I like your style.
May: They didn’t.
Headhunter: Understood. A lot of these tech businesses are headquartered in Dublin anyway.
May: Sorry, Dublin?
Headhunter: Theresa, you’ve gone white.
May: Are there any other options?
Headhunter: Absolutely, lots of corporate directorships. Very attractive salaries. Global perspectives.
May: I could definitely crack down on them.
Headhunter: Ah, no, we’d want you to take one. “Theresa May, non-executive.” A lot of the prestige, but not much of the actual power.
May: Sounds familiar.
Headhunter: And you’d travel a lot.You’d be practically a citizen of nowhere
May: Again, sounds familiar.
Headhunter: Perfect! We’d just need a few examples of you being responsive to business concerns.
May: I’m sorry?
Headhunter: Basic stuff — foreseeing risks, engaging constructively, sticking to deadlines.
May: I mean, erm, of course.
Headhunter: Do any examples spring to mind?
May: No.
Headhunter: Fine, we can come back to that. Tell me about you. How do you like to be managed?
May: I don’t.
Headhunter: A woman after my own heart! What would you say are your weaknesses?
May: My colleagues.
Headhunter: Oh, very good — I knew there was a sense of humour in there somewhere! And your strengths?
May: Trying to keep the Conservative party united.
Headhunter: No, we’ve done weaknesses.
Are there any instances where you’ve used your communication skills to good effect?
May: Why would I tell you if there were?
Headhunter: Interesting. Moving on. Tell me about a time when you had a disagreement at work, and how you handled it.
May: How long have you got?
Headhunter: That’s what I like to hear! I can see why your current employers will try hard to keep you.
I mean, they’ll surely be sad to see you go?
May: [Light cough]
Headhunter: I presume they’ll want you to serve out your notice at least?
May: [Heavy cough]
Headhunter: I understand. Relax. I got George Osborne eight jobs. I’m sure I can find you at least one.
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https://www.ft.com/content/aa029c12-50be-11e9-9c76-bf4a0ce37d49
