Tuesday funny

[crank39]

My wife found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the vets. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears, and the dog could then hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the Mrs that, if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the chemist and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

So, the Mrs went to the chemist and bought some "Nair" hair remover. At the checkout the pharmacist told her, "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days."
The Mrs said, "I'm not using it under my arms."

The pharmacist said, "Ahh well if you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days."

Mrs replied, "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer."

The pharmacist says, "Well, in that case stay off your bike for about a week."

 

[Alarm]

In the local chinese take away last night, food came to 20 quid.
I asked the bloke if he knew Jordan`s sons name, he said " Harvey Price" .
I said "Thanks " grabed the food, chucked him a Tenner and ran out the shop!

 

[mikeyd]

Superman and Batman were talking in the pub one night.

Superman says, "You'll never believe what happened yesterday. I was flying along over the city, using my X-ray vision to scan for trouble as I normally do, and I happened to glance into Wonder Woman's house."

"Oh yeah?" says Batman, "What did you see?"

"Well," says Superman, "I couldn't believe my eyes. There she was, on her bed stark naked, moaning and writhing around in absolute sexual ecstasy."

"Holy ****!" says Batman, "What did you do?"

"Well, I couldn't resist. I zoomed down there, smashed through the wall, threw my gear off and jumped straight on top of her!"

"Jeez, I bet she was surprised!"

"Well, not half as surprised as the invisible man."