Why do the Swedish Navy paint barcodes on the side of their ships?

[Nope]

So that when they enter port they can Scan the Navy In!

(Heard that one from a student of mine this afternoon!)

 

[jeds]

It's where they check the ships through the tills at Ikea.

 

[ic1927]

Some years ago I caught the train from Malmo to Stockholm and during the journey I went to the buffet for a drink. I was very surprised to see several youths dressed in “Teddy Boy” suits. I got chatting to one of them and he explained that rock and roll was very popular in Sweden. They were all quite pleasant apart from one named Ulf who was extremely rude. At one point Ulf grabbed a beer from the bar and took a mouthful and threw it all over the barman. I said to Olaf, the chap I had spoken to earlier, that this was not a very nice way to behave. He replied, “Yes, it is terrible, but it is well known throughout the world that…….rude Ulf the Ted loathes train beer....”

 

[Nope]

Some years ago I caught the train from Malmo to Stockholm and during the journey I went to the buffet for a drink. I was very surprised to see several youths dressed in “Teddy Boy” suits. I got chatting to one of them and he explained that rock and roll was very popular in Sweden. They were all quite pleasant apart from one named Ulf who was extremely rude. At one point Ulf grabbed a beer from the bar and took a mouthful and threw it all over the barman. I said to Olaf, the chap I had spoken to earlier, that this was not a very nice way to behave. He replied, “Yes, it is terrible, but it is well known throughout the world that…….rude Ulf the Ted loathes train beer....”

Good one!

 

[Notch7]

My house was broken into yesterday, the burglar got away with all my anti depressants.


I just hope it makes him happy

 

[ic1927]

A bloke walks into a restaurant fancying some calamari. The waiter points to a fish tank and says: "we only have one squid left. The rare wild moustached green squid." "That'll be fine" says the bloke. "Get it chopped up quick". "Excellent choice sir. I shall summon, Gervais, our French chef." The chef comes out, knife in hand and grabs the squid from the tank, he holds the knife up, but the squid looks at him with puppy dog eyes and whimpers. "Pardon, Monsieur" says the chef. "I just don't have the heart to do it". "Begone!" Shouts the waiter. "I shall summon Hans, our Bavarian pot washer. He is made of sterner stuff." Hans appears and takes the knife in his hand, but again the squid whimpers and a tear rolls down its face and drips from its moustache. "Gott in Himmel" says the pot washer. "Bitte, mein herr, I cannot bring myself to do it". "I'm so sorry sir" says the waiter. "I can't believe we employ such great jessies here". "Never mind" says the bloke. "I guess Hans that does dishes can be soft as Gervais with a mild green hairy lip squid".

 

[ic1927]

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15. In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95. In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75. Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

 

[ic1927]

The wife said to me yesterday "I bet you can't go one day without cracking a joke about my periods" I said "You're on"

 

[jeds]

Well, if we're doing old ones;

burglars broke into the local pharmacy last night and stole all the Viagra. Police are looking for hardened criminals.