This is a very difficult scenario and all we can do is to offer our thoughts, support and perhaps recommendations for the future, near and far.
I guess at the end of the day it depends on how long you intend to stay in the property......if it was going to be long term, say 10 years or more, then expensive improvements may well be worthwhile because at least you'll be getting some of the benefit - rather than getting the work done and then moving out.
If you think that your time there could be limited, then personally I'd go for a quality valley repair and concentrate on your next home - bearing in mind that you are getting older too and a house as large as this may come to be a bit of a burden, especially as you have the role of carer.
Naturally enough you and your husband would have to endure the considerable upheaval when the work progresses, even moving out for a while.
Its a very difficult decision to make but as your husband is getting perhaps less mobile then maybe more suitable accommodation is a fair idea - one level or lift to floors etc.
It is possible that a new roof may enhance the desirability of the property on the market, but I would doubt if it would increase its value a huge amount.....thats not for us to say!
Best wishes
John
