Home finances - sharing the running costs

[kingandy2nd]

I am looking after her financially, she will be quite comfortably off once it is all sorted. It's not her only property, she also owns outright a 4-bed home and 5 hectors of land.



Boot on other foot - Would you donate a very substantial sum of money, to someone you have only known a few months, taking the risk of them simply walking away? Most everyone spends much more than 1/3 to 1/2 of their income on simply living. She will be considerably wealthier here, with a healthy bank balance of her own.

Sorry Harry, but it sounds to me like you’re (possibly inadvertently) trying to make her financially dependent on you. That’s not right or fair…

What money are you donating to her? I must have missed that bit.

Sounds like you don’t love or trust this person…which is fair enough if you’ve only known them a couple of months. So why do you expect any different from her?

It really strikes me that you’re rushing this person to move in with you. Why so? Do you want help with the bills, or do you want companionship, or someone to look after you?

You’re supposed to be in the honeymoon period, money shouldn’t matter.

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

Sorry Harry, but it sounds to me like you’re (possibly inadvertently) trying to make her financially dependent on you. That’s not right or fair…

What money are you donating to her? I must have missed that bit.

A few hundred K of home.

It really strikes me that you’re rushing this person to move in with you. Why so? Do you want help with the bills, or do you want companionship, or someone to look after you?

Companionship and someone to share things with, I don't need the money.

You’re supposed to be in the honeymoon period, money shouldn’t matter.

You never really know someone, until both of your guards and you have really lived together with them a while. I was lucky with my original partner, she was totally, completely honest and trustworthy. I was not so lucky with the two who I became involved with since she passed away. Sensibly, I didn't invest large sums into either of them, would you suggest I should drop that guard? What purpose would serve then? Two of us with three homes between us.

 

[kingandy2nd]

A few hundred K of home.



Companionship and someone to share things with, I don't need the money.



You never really know someone, until both of your guards and you have really lived together with them a while. I was lucky with my original partner, she was totally, completely honest and trustworthy. I was not so lucky with the two who I became involved with since she passed away. Sensibly, I didn't invest large sums into either of them, would you suggest I should drop that guard? What purpose would serve then? Two of us with three homes between us.

I’m sorry, but I’m really not following now? You’re giving her a few hundred k of home?

Here’s a suggestion - date.

Don’t move in together. Have your separate lives and financial affairs. When you go out, you can go halves on everything or take turns in paying.

Build a relationship. In 6 or 12 months revisit the ‘living together’ discussion, and see how you both feel about it then.

 

[Dork Lard]

You never really know someone, until both of your guards and you have really lived together with them a while.

That's not really the truth & IMO the wrong way to be looking at it.

When 2 people begin to live together in a relationship then both will change in some way as they learn to live together. If you're saying there might be significant unknowns about a partners behavious & lifestyle then it's far to early in the relationship to be considering moving in together.

If this is 'Ting Tong' from Ping Pong who you may have purchased over t'internets, then there are many other ways to be looking at it & who pays for what is one of the least important.

 

[HERTS P&D]

If this is 'Ting Tong' from Ping Pong who you may have purchased over t'internets, then there are many other ways to be looking at it & who pays for what is one of the least important.

Andy

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

That's not really the truth & IMO the wrong way to be looking at it.

When 2 people begin to live together in a relationship then both will change in some way as they learn to live together. If you're saying there might be significant unknowns about a partners behavious & lifestyle then it's far to early in the relationship to be considering moving in together.

If this is 'Ting Tong' from Ping Pong who you may have purchased over t'internets, then there are many other ways to be looking at it & who pays for what is one of the least important.

Unfortunately you fell into the trap of believing the posting of the forum troll and fool Herts P&D, whom I see is at it again, attempting to disrupt a perfectly serious post. Well what can you expect from an unemployable drain cleaner, except a bad smell? No properly employed person would have the sheer amount of spare time which he devotes to trolling on a forum.

 

[HERTS P&D]

Andy

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

See what I mean??? Absolutely no useful function in life.

 

[motorbiking]

Typically earned 10x more then the ex mrs. Her money was basically hers and I paid for everything else. When You are married it’s one pot anyway, despite anything you agree to the contrary.

with the gf who earns a lot less than me but still a decent wage (still higher rate tax payer). I let her chip in as she wants.

importantly nothing constituting a contribution to the home as While she is a different person and I trust her, I don’t want to be fighting another woman at some time in the future for stuff my income paid for.

 

[motorbiking]

Just as an edit. I would say it’s important that someone “coming with nothing” isn’t made to feel like it isn’t their home.

the home absolutely is shared and design, decorating choices and even the important cushion to candle ratio ( which I understand is important for ladies) is a discussion and compromise on a basis of equality. There is certainly no “my house, may way” attitude with me and the gf

 

[HERTS P&D]

Harry, I've never looked on the internet for a partner in a different continent.

Andy

 

[diy_fun_uk]

I don't have anyone to share costs with

(thinks about it ...)

I can literally do what I want when the heck I want to, or not as the case may be (I'll leave that empty box lying on the hall floor for another week, or two)

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

Just as an edit. I would say it’s important that someone “coming with nothing” isn’t made to feel like it isn’t their home.

the home absolutely is shared and design, decorating choices and even the important cushion to candle ratio ( which I understand is important for ladies) is a discussion and compromise on a basis of equality. There is certainly no “my house, may way” attitude with me and the gf

My attitude with the first two was do what you want, just discuss it before you do anything drastic. I gave the first one, carte blanche to decide how she wanted the place redecorated, top to bottom - that cost me a fair bit, but I was happy to do it. It was long overdue, because I had not been able to do it for a long time, due to my original partner being so ill.