Home finances - sharing the running costs

[gas112]

Are you actually looking for a partner or a cash cow and skivvy all your posts about women living with you seem to revolve around how much they can contribute and what housework they can do for you

 

[Mottie]

Oh, I couldn't do that. It would be more like having a lodger, than a partner. She will be still working, so she has more income than my pension, idea is we both contribute the same amount as a standing order into one common account to cover the running costs. As such it will be all documented anyway, as will all the spending - I don't generally use any cash. I don't want to charge a 'rent', the property comes for free, apart from maintenance costs which will come out of the combined pot.

IMO you are making a big mistake. I have seen/listened to two such similar situations. One was a bloke that Mrs Mottie once worked with. Moved his girlfriend into his house and a couple of years later, they split up. He had to 'buy' her out as she had a claim on the house. Same with a couple we knew a few years ago. She moved her boyfriend into her house, he was there about 5 years, he found someone else, left her, had a claim on her house and she had to remortgage to pay him off just so that she could stay in her own house. Both partners claimed they contributed to the running of the house. Simply making them a tenant with a rent book would have shut that door to them. I'd just call her contribution to the running costs 'rent' and give her a rent book and receipt for it but it's entirely up to you.

 

[opps]

Not necessarily. If you have proof, such as bank statements, household bills you paid for with your credit/debit card etc, then you could claim a percentage of shared costs. When people live together, (it used to be for at least 2 years but I think that may have been scrapped), then they are classed as being in a 'relationship' and can be treated similar to a married couple or a couple in a civil relationship.

I currently hand her a grand a month. It used to be in cash, over the last 4 or 5 years it has been via bank transfer.

At one point we "worked together" selling a British pet supplement and eventually an American range of pet supplements whilst both holding down our normal jobs. The UK one had a turnover of about £90,000 (and very, very high margins). The American range was in the hundreds of thousands but the margins were closer to "normal" (read: industry standard).

Each of us played to our skills. We all enjoyed the benefits of the extra household income. In the months where I had would have to take a week or two off to host our stand (with her) at trade events like Interzoo in Germany, I wasn't expected to pay my usual monthly pound of flesh.

When she went through the menopause, she kicked me out for a few months (BTW I am not criticising her for the fact that she went through the menopause- it must have been hellish for her). The pet supplement stuff fell apart (not her fault though). I paid her nothing over that period. When the HRT kicked in and she asked me to comeback. Some time later after I had taken time off work to work in the house, she told me that she had amended her will so that I could live in the house after her death (until I kick the bucket). I think I was supposed to "grateful" and doff my cap. We both want to make sure that her son, who has been my stepson since he was 4 (and is now 28) is the sole beneficiary of the "estate" but her statement kinda reinforced my concern that I am not an equal.

Anywho, sorry for the rant.

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

Some quite interesting setups, arrangements and a lot of variety - it is a complex problem.

My original partner of 35 years dealt with everything and I just paid her a fixed, agreed contribution towards our joint costs. Since she passed away, I have had two brief partners join me here, now heading towards a third. Neither of the the first two showed any real sign of integrating, both seemed to just be looking for cheaper accommodation than that which they had, or that's the way it soon appeared. Neither had any property, or much in the way of savings. All I expected from them was a contribution of £120, but both seemed to slightly resent being expected to pay. All I had asked for was a contribution towards the basic running costs of everything included, so I wouldn't be keeping them, rather than the true worth.

#3 is an entirely different fish kettle, in many ways - not least her attitude towards me is so very different. She has property, but also debts (not her fault) that she cannot meet, she is struggling just to meet just the interest charges on the various debts. Her Interest Only mortgage ends in two years, when she would need to find the several thousand to pay the mortgage off. Unable to meet that, they would repossess and the mortgage plus Charges against the property amount to around half the value of the house.

What I suggested was, if things work out between us, her best way out was to sell her property, pay off all her debts, move in with me and contribute £120. She could then live happily worry and debt free. She agreed moving in here was what she wanted, but she didn't want to give up her home - still paying the debt interest, she wouldn't be able to contribute here. I made it clear, that whilst I was more than happy to share my home with her, I wasn't willing to have her here being kept for less than it costs - no matter how well we get on (and we do get on well), it has to be viable for us both, not just her.

She has had several changes of mind about it. She is very religious and finally entered into a discussion with the her church leaders, without mentioning me or my offer, who have advised that her only sensible way out is to sell up and pay her debts off and find alternative accomodation.

 

[Bod ...]

When i first lived with my bite wife, she was still studying while working part-time in McDonalds. I paid for rent and bills, going out, holidays etc, she took care of the food shopping. That seemed fair at the time. As soon as we married everything just went into one pot. Doesn't work in all relationships though, a couple of friends ended up in debt because their partners over-spent.

Did she leave any marks?

 

[JP_]

Did she leave any marks?

Lol.
I wonder what i meant to write.

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

Are you actually looking for a partner or a cash cow and skivvy all your posts about women living with you seem to revolve around how much they can contribute and what housework they can do for you

Your posts are normally blocked, but I will reply to that one. Very definitely a partner, but the financial side has to work as well - I don't want debt collectors knocking at my door. I don't know where you get the idea of skivvy or housework from, because I have never discussed that.

 

[HERTS P&D]

Looks like someone wants his he/she from Thailand to pay their way.



Andy

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

Looks like someone wants his he/she from Thailand to pay their way.



Andy

I thought you had been chastised for your comments.

 

[HERTS P&D]

I thought you had blocked me??

Andy

 

[securespark]

Lol.
I wonder what i meant to write.

Freudian slip!

 

[kingandy2nd]

To be fair Harry, I’m pretty sure I remember you talking about this lady who you’ve lined up to keep you company/look after you after your previous partner left.

If this is someone you care for, or may love in the future, why don’t you look after her financially?

Sounds like you don’t need the money. Sounds like she needs all her money to get her affairs in order.

If she’s on a low income job, you could be asking for between a third and half her take home pay each week. How’s she going to get out of debt like that.

Put the shoe on the other foot, would you ever sell up your house and shack up with someone you’ve known a couple of months??

 

[gas112]

i bet if you take her out for a meal and a drink you expect her to pay half or even worse if what she had cost more than half to pay the extra

 

[Dork Lard]

I'm currently embroiled in a discussion, other than in here, in how you share the costs of running a home, when both partners have their own source of income. Basically how much as a percentage each should contribute towards all of the many costs of running a home.

The current Mrs. Lard inherited all/most that she now enjoys when she moved in, bringing basically 'NOWT' to contribute to her current lifestyle. She works, she earns & she spends . . .

If you cannot work it out between you & what you work out comes naturally to the both of you, then you are not going to be living together with any kind of success.

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

If this is someone you care for, or may love in the future, why don’t you look after her financially?

I am looking after her financially, she will be quite comfortably off once it is all sorted. It's not her only property, she also owns outright a 4-bed home and 5 hectors of land.

Sounds like you don’t need the money. Sounds like she needs all her money to get her affairs in order.

If she’s on a low income job, you could be asking for between a third and half her take home pay each week. How’s she going to get out of debt like that.

Boot on other foot - Would you donate a very substantial sum of money, to someone you have only known a few months, taking the risk of them simply walking away? Most everyone spends much more than 1/3 to 1/2 of their income on simply living. She will be considerably wealthier here, with a healthy bank balance of her own.