missing a father figure

[paulbrown]

toffee wrote,

oh.. soppy me and all that, but I wish my dad could turn up with his tools and know how and make everything ok...

hubby's dad died when he was a little boy too so neither of us have had a male diy ist input.

Don't want to upset you toffee or be nosy, but are you saying your dad has died or have you gone through a family break-up of some sort?

If its the former it does ease with time although you obviously don't forget them. My dad died 5 years ago in his sleep, he was 72. bit of a shock when my mum phoned me in the morning and said she couldn't wake him up though.

Look after your mum though and go round that bit more.

 

[cheltonian]

My Dad left home when i was 14 and is now like an Uncle i rarely see or speak to. My Mum died over 6 years ago and never got to see my 2 kids She Was 56. My son was born 3 weeks after she died.

Yes Toffee it would be nice for someone to come round, toolbox in hand and do all those little jobs that need attention. I know that there is no one but me and i have become the Dad.

I hope i am there for my kids when they need me

 

[hermes]

My dad died about 12 years ago, one month after the birth of my first son. He used to do a fair bit of diy and he always seemed to be painting window frames. He always seemed to go a bit over the top though, eg. he made a couple of little benches for his greenhouse and where I would just have screwed the bits of wood together he used mortice and tenon joints, then glued it then screwed it and gave it about 20 coats of varnish.
A couple of years ago my mum asked me to take down some small shelves he had put up in the garage and to hold the metal brackets to the wall he had used 3" size 10 woodscrews (BIG screws). They were in so tight that after messing about with a screwdriver for about 1/2 an hour I had to pull the bl***y things out with a crowbar and it pulled half the wall down..lol.. thanks dad!
I still miss him, when I was young I used to go to sleep listening to him practicing the piano (he was a good pianist.) Happy memories.

 

[gcol]

Reading these posts have made me appreciate that my dad's still around (alright he's 58 so not too old). We're best mates and spend a lot of time together. I couldn't imagine ever not having a dad.
Don't think this will help toffee, but I feel for you.
I nearly lost my dad Christmas 2004 due to some ***ts trying to rob him in his shop and braining him with a machete - he had his hand split open from stopping a blow to his head with the machete and also got a blow to ther head too. It was on Crimewatch if anyone remembers it.

 

[corgiman]

i miss my dad too

felt and feel very alone without him, not that he did much but he was like a safety net do you know what i mean?

god rest the miserable cantankerous old git he was my friend

 

[noodlz]

That's a horrible experience for your dad and you to have gone through, gcol...hope your dad's over it as best he can....can't be easy.

Infuriating as mine can be sometimes, am really glad still have him around. He had a heart attack five years ago and my mum couldn't contact me for a couple of days.....I'd drifted apart from them quite a bit....funny thing is...its made us a lot closer since.

Can't imagine how it hurts Toffee, but you clearly loved him deeply...that's not something everyone experiences.

Keep smiling

 

[securespark]

Andy

Can't find it. Would you be so kind as to e-mail me the gist of it?

 

[toffee]

just read alot of replies now, thanks all.
Im glad also that it gave a few of you here to have a few thought about your own dads too.

To answer about my dad, he died in tragic circumstances when I was actually a young child but I can still remember him.

To answer about why I asked for single mums etc to not be offended was because I know its easy to become defensive.
I know my mam didnt want people to think that we were disadvantaged or that she couldnt do a good job of bringing us up etc without a man there.
I listen to some very critical comments sometimes about children of single parents and it can irk me or hurt sometimes.
So, I just wanted to explain that this was about my feelings of missing a person and their influence, thats all.

I just missed him and the comfort blanket of having someone to look after you and make everything ok.

Hubby lost his dad when he was a young boy too and he sometimes get a little sad moment when he sees his mate in the pub enjoying a drink with his dad. He wishes he could do that to.

I have thoughts of my kids tinkering about in the shed making things with their granda... lots of litle things like that.

Never mind.
Thanks again and also for sharing some thoughts of your dads.

 

[Brightness]

{{{{{{{{Toffee}}}}}}}} and {{{{{{{{Everyone else who has lost their Dads}}}}}}}} I know exactly where you're coming from Toffee. I lost my Dad 9 years ago last week & me, hubby and the kids, all miss him like hell

We always lived too far away for my Dad to help with the DIY but he taught me well & as I was always a tomboy, he treated me the same as my brother - if I wanted to know how to do something, he taught me

He was always at the end of the phone to give me advice on how to get myself out of a mess too (in more ways than one LOL).

My hubby lost both his parents when he was 12 and so I think he looked on my Dad as his own and my Dad treated him as if he were his son too.

To all of you who still have your Dads and are close to them, treasure every moment with them. We all think our Dads are invincible, but then to suddenly find them no longer there is one of the worst things imaginable.

Toffee, I'm sure your Dad is looking down on you and watching over you (((((((((Toffee))))))))) xxx

 

[pickles]

My dad died when I was 7 and I miss the idea of him, although I can't actually remember him that well

On the plus side because he wasn't around to do things for me I had to do them myself, which made me self reliant and capable in my own right, so like all bad things in life the change of circumstances these traumas often bring can be good for you

I guess the point is Toffee that although you miss your dad, not having him has probably made you a bit better at coping on your own. I look at my 2 girls and there nothing like as independent or capable as I was at their age, that's partly my fault for over compensating and doing everything for them

 

[2scoops0406]

Toffee, and others I feel for you, those kind of emotions are red raw, funny how we sometimes think that we've sort of dealt with them, and the most unexpected thing can bring the pain flooding back. Some people say that time heals, but I think it just buries the pain, it's still there waiting to pounce.

This cheered me up though, I typed in a long wail about my experiences, went to hit submit, and DIYNot had logged me off, sending my post into a cyberspace blackhole, thanks for that!!

 

[kendor]

Toffee i feel for you as it is obvious that you still havn't got over your tragic loss even after all these years, it's good to have a little cry now and again and release those pent up emotions and although you relay your longing for him to be doing all those little jobs for you i'm sure you'd be happy with him just being there even if he didn't do those jobs , in other words the jobs are an excuse to wanting to see him again? is that true?

 

[Moz]

Im training my cat to push my nasty old man down the stairs if my wife lets him through our doors ..lol