I awoke this morning in another drunken stupor
to feel the reassuring warm womenly curves ....!
I lay for a sec thinking.. what a horrible nightmare I had had
that my missus had been took from me
I then turned an saw it was ..........
Wendy laying next to me .....
...................................................................
To say I "lost the plot an was raging in anger" would be
an understatement ,
she was up an dressed in minutes, trying to calm/reassure me
it was just comfort/closeness she craved ..
as I tore into her spewing vivicious hatred an bile at her ...
....
she ran from the bedroom ,shaking ,crying an sobbing ....
an then went back to her mothers ,
Why is it.. I mess up everything that is good for me ?
I shall start from the beginning of the week , after I spoke on here ...
I picked up my big fat furry cat an took her next doors for Katie
to care /adopt I left Doreen her mother the two cheques , one for katie
an the other for Purdys whiskas ...
I then headed to Patels for a carry out two bottles of whiskey,
4 bottles of smirnoff...
I then returned home an fell into a drunken stupor watching our
holiday videos/photos
Tuesday
I awoke laying on the sofa , I cracked a pint can of stella ,I
had stocked up with 6 ..24 can cases ,luckerly the earlier friday
an patel delievers ,what more can a drunk want ...
that afternoon Wendy called around an did me some tea an sat with me
an we had a good night drinking an reminiscing /laughing /crying ..
wed
I awoke crashed out on the sofa again with a pillow an a duvet around
me ..
I cracked a can as I meant to go on ..
Wendy came downstairs an said she had slept in the spare bedroom ..
She said she would go home to her mums an come back
later to do me some tea...What A Star !
That night we dived into the whiskey as we watched some holiday videos /music channels
thu
I awoke again on the sofa with a horrendous hangover an was soon
gulping cans of stella in me , as I heard her come downstairs she
took the can an told me she would go the shops an get us
some bacon barms I had no fresh food in !
Wens was back an I gorged on the butties ...
She told me I was stinking an needed a shower so I went for one
an had a few cans as I stood /propped against the shower wall...
(nice tiling in there btw ...gcol lol..lol..lol..lol)
when I went the bedroom she had laid some clothes out for me ...
I heard her upstairs take a shower as well ...
for supper we had a carry out pizza , no food in ....
she had hid the vodie an whisky , so I went to the larder
an went on my wifes Pinot ,I asked her where the hard stuff was she said
I had had enough an wine would do me tonight an I had to start
getting back to reality ,
I was stunned in a way it was as if my wife was saying the exact same things ..!
we sat on the sofa an chatted for ages ...
she later on revealed (as if it was a surprise !)how she felt about me an
how she knew I about her ....
I felt more Honoured than Flattered , how this Gorgeous sexy fiery redhead
had feelings for me a miserable victor meldew type bloke ,lol..lol..lol
(even when I had my lass !? ) lol..lol.lol .........
I explained how I felt the same,
but at the present time I needed
her just as a good soul mate not lover ...
we agreed an I would cut back the drink
an we could take things slowly , she was over
joyed an we cuddled an Kissed ...
(I didt see this as being disrespectful to my Gorgeous wife,
as we did all three have a close bond,an not just sex ..lol!)
the rest is a haze but I remember, having the Q channel on sky
an sat watching videos close with her , an as I was going to the downstairs toilet ,
gulping on a botle of whiskey I had there stashed , once a drunk eh !lol
I fell into drunkness ...
then waking next to her in bed this morn .....an throwing her out ...
..................................................................
as I walked/staggered around the house before about dinner , I was in utter despair ...
How could I SO easily revert to that *old sink estate crass bully *
I had seen from growing up there....
Wens dad was a drunken nasty oaf til her mother Margaret
threw him out back then when he started hitting Wens after another drinking session ..
Maybe its in your genes ....My Mother was a drunk/b*tch ...?an they say
the apple doesnt fall far from the tree ...
I was a shamed an havent had a drink today ...til about 3 before ,
when the *drink devil* on my shoulder started whispering in my mind ,
its not my fault she couldnt respect my grief an had her agenda that I
was going to be with her , then I was angry an wanted to get wasted again ..
I rang up my best buddy Darren for his advice but he was too busy to talk ...
told me he would call around this sunday morning , (cheers mate !)he did tell
me to follow my heart...
I called Krazy Tracey(Marias sis ) this afternoon ,I explained
what had happened an she was reassuring me that I was right to be
upset/mournful
but had I led Wendy on ...? she knows Wens an really likes her ...
an she says Maria thought the world of her like a sister ..!
she says I should leave it a few days ,
take some flowers around an say your SORRY !
this left me feeling even more a rotten Evil shallow B**tard ...
I found an cracked into the whiskey ....I cannot seem to get that
*quick hit* anymore ....lol...lol...an quite sober in my drunkeness
then about an hour ago the doorbel rang ,
I strode there
an it wasnt Wens as my heart was hoping
it was her lil old mum ....Margaret
(a wonderful old lady an I always wished had been my mum back then!)
she asked if she could come in ,
me forgetting Im clutching a
bottle of whiskey ,
(I expect she has seen worse from a drunk ..)
I waved her in expecting a a *ollocking off her ...
she went in an sat on the sofa , she told me .....
How she was So Dreadfully Sorry about Maria , an as far as
she felt she has lost one her own daughters ,
tears in her eyes , me tears rolling down my cheeks as I sat oppisite ,
she told me
I was Very happy for you an Maria , you married an got off the estate ,
you both did well an made happy lifes......with the exception of your Loss ...
your baby girl ..Lucy RIP ...
....more tears
with regards to my Wendy, I dont know whats gone on, an its none of
my business ...
an she she doesnt know Im here ....an would disown me if she knew
I was here ....she lol'ed
shes deverstated an shes booked to fly back home to St. Maarten on
Sat morning from Manc airport ....
I understand your grief , but I lost my daughter back in the 80s,
running away because of you ....!!
(that was cold steel in my heart an I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HER NEED TO SAY IT ...)
Dont let her run away again ...
I was crying an she got up an came an give me a MOTHERLY hug ...said
bye an left ...
So my online friends who Always listen to me !!
what a mess I made .....
the way I see it ...
two options ...
option 1
I wash / shower shave ,sort things ...
throw things in a bag ...... take passport an get
down there ....an hope she will Forgive me an theirs a spare seat../
or stop her flying till we go together ..
(just checked the airline an there still taking bookings ,should I book ?)
option 2
I kick back an resign to the life that was destined for my *sort*....
tried an failed as a hubby
an 3 day daddy ...
get into the whiskey agogo.....
an drink myself to a sorrowful *home-alone* death ...
( ban all sheds , was right about me once a drunk, full of self pity, )
best regards
moz
sorry admin for long post maybe be my last ..
longlife/good health .. my friends/mods at DIYnots
