Not all fun in Paradise



I have felt more an more depressed this week ....:(

Im quite unhappy/down/depressed/whatever you may call it here ...:(
the mourning for my wife has started to surface ....I have been a bad tempered nasty drunk the last few days
more than my usual self ... :( :(

last week I was still playing the holidaymaker with Wendy ,

went to the only cinema on the island ,watched some new English period drama
even had a yank girl as the lead with god awful accent !
it was that rubbish cannot remember name of film :(

went to the Island zoo , giant hamsters on show ,
just fat ones more like,
an big island cats ,
my fat Puss (salford born lass)Purdy at home would tear em apart ,

Went to the only golf course ,
had a fall out with a yank manager there ,
cos he wanted to know my handicap an could I verify it from my Golf Club In England so they could check up, stuck up ****!

Told him it was the Private club in Middleton Manchester ......

forget to mention I got banned /blackballed years ago ,(as told here then ,lol )after I got drunk in the clubhouse an laid into the *Mediocre Mafia * (the Masons ) there

anyway we had a afternoon on their practise putting green there ....

went out on Wendies boat for a day ...........tried fishing it was a good day but after a few Presses beer was feeling uuuurgh ....

another day we went on the razzle ..
hit front st /back st an the coloured bars
when I say coloured I aint being racist , its a term here for Black /A Real Islander !
spent all after in the usual bars had some eats in back st , then hit coloured bars ...creole /spanish/black mix dance bars/clubs
brill .......
throwing good xtasies /drink down our throuts an dancing til dawn ....;)

then chilling out around the pool back at home........
how we both got home we both dont Know ...fantastic time ..:)

in all even though Im a sarcastic moany old git , we had a good week ...

this week I been itching as you do for the holiday to finish an then remembering it doesnt ...:(
an of course the very torrential heavy rain in the afternoons hasnt been nice ,
I know its done in half an hour , then red hot sunshine , then rain an then sun ...then .....hmmm :(

Just homesick .....
anyway ...
Romantically we are a couple ,which is Fantastic ....:)

Im just some what distant at times which is understandable ..

I have really hit the drink the last few weeks ,
as a heavy drinker no probs ,
just finding it harder to get pi**ed now ...

an drinking Jack daniels /Rum ....More ...

the last few days I have been just going to local Expats bars an getting Wasted ......:(

an rolling in hammered an Wendy putting me to bed ...

fancy asking the caribbean /coloured taxi lad take me too Heaton Moor !...
where mon ?

She is very similar to my late sweet wife in the *morning after routines* ;)

til I go out an do it again .....:( :(

I wouldnt mind if my drinking partners were anything but good lads...but Im supping with hooray henry/yuppie tory types who I back home despise I would kick off with

what really ....really annoys them an upsets them is when after they have told me about the lil yacht /villa they have ....
they think I am off a cruiser .........
one of the many cruise ships that dock an spew the rubbish here as they told me !, I couldnt careless but tell everyone I live on the main beach road as there is two tariffes tourist/islander ...;)

what upsets the expat/tories here is....
when I tell them where I live ...!!!!( cohabiting .....well for the time being ..!!!)
It IS like THE London Mayfair area of the gets

an I like to wind them up by casually saying .....
its not a patch on our old Salford sink estate in Manchester ...

I was supping with a yank lad the other afto , he is a reality agent /yank name for estate agent ,
him going on about his rentals ...etc...Yawn

I asked him what could the villa /beach an boat earn a week he said a easy a grand
I told him wells that sound there fella a grand a week , bang on , thanks for the heads up ,
he jumped by saying ,
NO NO NO ....its a Grand pound sterling per persons a day ...

nearly fell off my seat from what he told me , thats quite reasonable for visitors here ,
he asked how many beds an baths?...
told him 4 beds /baths
told me he could do select responisble Yank Yacht clients with full guarantees /6 months lets, 40k pound sterling a week ....

sounds wonderfully , I then went off to the back st an carried on

I need the reality release ......
just after 4 here in the afternoon ...Im starting at the rum ...oh dear

maybe I want it to become a huge row , an she throws me out ...or we sit an talk .....
I know she wont stick my bad ways at the moment cause of her awful abusive drunk father ...

how is it blokes can fight a 20 stone Tyson but sitting down an a discussing relationship issuses is another matter ...blokes cannot start ? !

I need Her to start the ball rolling an ........we can be honest then with each over .......
or is it just me being spineless/weak ?
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moz, youve been through a rough time. its all got to come out in its own way. you go through several stages with grief, anger, blame, denial etc. Its all part of the healing process and youve got to give it time. She will understand, but shes not a mind reader. If you need space then ask her for it, if you feel crap tell her. dont just pick a fight because it will make you feel better. Ones thing for sure mate, life looks clearer when its not through the bottom of a bottle.

At least its sunny there! ;)

bear with me ....t'internets playing up here

Problems are deep seated ......
Im a uk lad ...

an here was Fab ...
but I really want Wendy to try Brit life ,

remember she Escaped to a better life in the late 80s ....
she has few friends back in UK ,

the devil on my shoulder is whispering for me to bring in her mum sat at home back still in Manc , waiting to die alone ..

I say now ......
whatever happens Im going home .....I Dearly want Wendy to join me ...
an will say everything/anything for her to join me try the life back home ....hopefully ;)

I know I can get back to the church hall AA , an get a start doing a bit again near home with Darren,home at night with Wens ...

Hard working blokes who like a drink were Never meant to get lots of money ...
Just enjoy yourself in a casual laid back place!

When you get back to our cold country you will wish you were back on the holiday!

Stay off the booze and have some friendly discussions with the locals, they are lovely !

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Hello Moz,
Read a few of your posts of late, sorry about the way things are but you must battle on as you well know.
I myself have been 'on the drink' for the past 20yrs, and no matter what anyone says it can be a great companion and comfort. My advice would be to carry on drinking as some folk to seem need it.
To all who dont agree with me, maybe you have not found the friend we needed in a beer, we did. It may kill us and we know that, but so might a lot else !
Have a drink and try and get some work to pay for it. Working is the best medicine.
Look after those around you and yourself too.
Good Luck.
I know how you feel Moz.Had this all my life.Once in Texas in a bar I had some Houston Oil yuppies taking the **** out of me.Being Santee they wanted me to do a rain dance.I do hate these type that think they are so rich and clever that it gives them the right to be rude and offensive.
Hope you feel better.