Property Developers

[oilman]

Mark, I've looked at your checklist. While you might have some justified complaints about your house some of the points on your list are just plain daft.

Check each door is plum and square

Who cares as long as the door fits when it's shut. "Plumb and square" is no good unless you are going to give tolerances.

Check quality of the hinges

What spec are you using?

Check that the Door is 3mm all the way this is in accordance with British Standards.

If you want some one to take you seriously, your checks must at least make sense. This makes you look like a professional complainer.

Check the overall quality of the door

Again, what spec?

Check all cornice and pelmets are square

This may mean something to you, but you have to be far more precise than this.

Check that the electrical appliances have been fitted in accordance with the manufacturers recommendations

Are YOU going to sit and read all of the installation instructions, assimilate all the requirements and then check everything?

Check lintels

For what?

I gave up after this. I suspect your life will be permanently unsatisfactory and you will die an unhappy and frustrated man. You are looking for straight lines, horizontals and verticals (which are unnatural except for the surface of still water). People pay loads to live in a medieval cottage which have no straights, horizontals or verticals. If you are very rich you can have anything built for you, but your requirements are not easily met.

What you could do with is a ticket to see Ken Dodd. This will make you feel much happier. Then you need to walk across Dartmoor in winter rains, to house or a barn so that you understand a house is FOR KEEPING THE WEATHER OFF.

Look around and see what is good, what makes people happy (apart from nit-picking) and count your blessings. There are many people who have to spend all of their waking hours just getting enough food for the day. I could go on.

Check there are no missing screws

Just ponder, I wonder where the missing screw is?

 

[masona]

I have to agreed 100% with Oilman on this one.

Check that the Door is 3mm all the way this is in accordance with British Standards.

The only time 3mm gap is important, is when we are putting fire door in as they have to be 3mm gap all round for the heat from the fire to melt the wax to seal the frame. Anymore than 3mm it will failed to work.

 

[oilman]

Ok then, where can we get tickets for one of Ken Dodd's shows (and you really do need to take a picnic, they last for about 5 hours)

 

[masona]

Ok then, where can we get tickets for one of Ken Dodd's shows (and you really do need to take a picnic, they last for about 5 hours)

I didn't realise how funny Ken Dodd's was until I watched " An Audience with Ken Dodd's "

Non-stop talking, incredible & intelligent man ! I thought he just did kiddie show.

 

[oilman]

I've been to one. Started at 7:30, end of first half 10:00!! (lots of people left then) we were still there after midnight. Next time we'll have the expensive seats, it will be better value. Worth every penny, but don't expect to go for a meal afterwards, unless it's breakfast.

 

[Mark Smith]

Thank you for your comments.....

 

[oilman]

You don't need a 5 year apprenticeship to lay bricks, you just need enough time to see enough buildings to be able to take decisions. Remember the apprentices were usually 14 year old lads when they started.

Yesterday's houses were put up fo give people shelter so they could stay healthy enough to work, generally most people were too poor to even think of buying a house. Today's houses are mostly put up to make large profits, and this is serviced by lemming purchasers who are too greedy to see they are going to cause their own downfall.

The prices paid for houses are madness. There is nowhere near the intrinsic value in the price. This has been helped by loonies lying about their income and are getting the equivalent of 5 times their income as a mortgage. It is further helped by gormless parents who are "helping" their little darlings get a foot on this pathetic property ladder. Oh! wow! house prises are still going up. Wonder why? They all be bleating when the boom turns to crash, AS IT WILL.

People treat their house (shelter) as an investment. Ok for those with more than one, but for most who have only one, they will need another one, so any increase in price is only Monopoly money. Don't worry though they will never learn. Maybe they could afford a house if it wasn't for the size of their mobile phone bill.

My ideal would be a straw or cob block house, with lime render and clay roof tiles (thatch would be nice but I don't like the fire risk). I couldnt care less about whether it has plumb door frames or not and I certainly don't want flat walls. Small windows will mean the heating bills will be low. A rustic finish means it will look good without my having to worry about pointless sophistication.

That way my check list gets to be something like

Check roof doesn't let water in, or causes water to drip down walls.
Check windows and doors don't let in excessive draughts.
Check building firm has put up buildings that generally stay up more than 20 years.
Check electrical and plumbing services are sufficient for basic needs.

Anything else is a bonus.


The government is appointing an Austrailian professor to sort all the construction industry problems, but he thinks steel and concrete should be used more. I think these are appalling materials to use for houses, but then I have only my bigoted opinions.

Really, apart from shelter, all that's needed is to keep the water and sewage apart. That way most people will stay healthy.

 

[AdamW]

You want a straw bale house but are worried about the fire risk of thatched roof?!

You did forget to put:

Electrical cables and pipes must be rodent proof.

Straw bale houses attract all kinds of wildlife to live in them and you don't want a doormouse nippling through your T&E!

"Grand Designs" had an episode where there was a traditional woodsman building his own house. He had been pretty much living under a tarpaulin for 10 years. He was only granted planning permission to build a house in his copse provided that only he ever lived in the house. If he dies, they have to knock it down. If he moves, he has to knock it down. He can't sell it.

You would love that house, it is strawbale, traditional wood-frame. The bare minimum of modern conveniences, all electricity is solar generated.

 

[oilman]

You want a straw bale house but are worried about the fire risk of thatched roof?

Er... that's why the bales are lime rendered. That way the fire risk is no greater than most other forms of building, since the biggest risk is from the soft furnishings.

He was only granted planning permission to build a house in his copse provided that only he ever lived in the house.

That had nothing to do with being built of straw, but because of its location.

Straw bale houses attract all kinds of wildlife to live in them....

So do all types of housing. There are plenty of rats in London, and we have a brick built house, we keep a cat partly to deal with the mice which get in from time to time. (And they are NOT brought in by the cat!).

 

[AdamW]

He was only granted planning permission to build a house in his copse provided that only he ever lived in the house.

That had nothing to do with being built of straw, but because of its location.

Er yes, which is why I spoke of the location (the copse) in that sentence and mentioned nothing of its construction in that same said sentence

It is true that you get all kinds of wildlife in any house. I know people who get all uppity and start chucking spiders out of windows. But, I am of the opinion that if there is anything for the spider to be eating I would rather he gets it in his web than I get it floating in a glass of water so I leave them to it. My second theory is that I would see a mouse scuttling about so there doesn't appear to be anything eating the spiders.

Of course, if the plans to phase wolves back in to the UK go ahead, you don't want to be living in a straw house

 

[oilman]

My second theory is that I would see a mouse scuttling about so there doesn't appear to be anything eating the spiders.

Are you the adviser to the Home Secretary?

Of course, if the plans to phase wolves back in to the UK go ahead, you don't want to be living in a straw house

That was only a fairy tale. Wolves can't actually blow down houses even if they are built of straw.

 

[Mark Smith]

Thank you for your reply.

 

[Mark Smith]

thanks

 

[oilman]

How many will say the new home is built in accordance with the regulations???

They don't have to worry as the building control officer will sign the papers.

By the way oilman you did not see my new house it was complete JOKE...

In that case, whatever made you buy it?

 

[masona]

In that case, whatever made you buy it?