Nukenumpty:
Can anyone help? My fusion ring went on the blink a few days ago. Started flashing the Service Required light. Of course Microtosh had an engineer at the door almost before I knew anything was wrong. She plugged her pod in, said something about the lid mix being wrong and wanted 500k to fix it. 500k!!!
She'd only been in five minutes - and I bet she could've put it right in another ten. I told her I could get a new ring for a meg but then she said it would cost two megs to have the old one taken away. B****y Microtosh; they screw you whichever way you turn.
Anyway, I sent her packing and bought a lid on eBay but it didn't make any difference. To be honest, I couldn't see anything wrong with the old one. Is there anything else I can do that won't cost me an arm and a leg?
Also, does anybody know anything about climate control systems? Yes, that's Microtosh too! It might be my imagination but I think there's a slight mist in here.
_____________________________________________________________
Space kitten
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! You really should've read up a bit on fusion rings first. There was, as you suspect, nothing wrong with the old lid. What she meant was that your lithium-deuterium (aka LiD) mix was wrong. Unfortunately you can't do anything with that ring of yours without a pod and Microtosh won't sell them to anybody. Sad but true; you'll just have to cough up.
As for your climate control problem, have a look outside. Is it misty there too? I bet it is. The trouble is, the radiation monitors in the bunker don't detect residual activity inside the ring. You need lead-glass goggles as a minimum before you open one up. That 'mist' is inside your eyeballs and the only cure is a double lens transplant - or learn to live with it. You should've worn gauntlets too. Keep an eye on your fingernails over the next few months.
_____________________________________________________________
Ringmaster
Hear we go again. Why does every tosspot and his robot think they can do our job. So you think she'd have been finished in ten minutes do you? If she was doing her job properly she'd have checked the magnetic field integrity, the vacuum and the helium purge pump. She'd also have done a radiation leak test and a beryllium contamination test. Did you do those? I thought not. I remember a whole family going down with beryllium poisoning. It wasn't a pretty sight. Stop messing with stuff you don't understand.
Space kitten, you aren't helping. A little knowledge only encourages idiots to meddle where they shouldn't, and lead-glass goggles won't keep neutrons out.
_____________________________________________________________
Cornigirl
There's a reason why Microtosh stuff is so cheap and you've just found it; they screw you on the maintenance. You can't do anything without a pod and they're only available to Microtosh accredited engineers. And before you ask, the cloned ones you can buy on eBay won't work. I'm afraid it's a case of Caveat Emptor.
If I were you I'd cut your losses, ditch that piece of junk and get a Saturn or a Genski. Sure, it'll set you back four megs but it'll last a lot longer. Spare parts are readily available and you don't need a poxy pod to fix them. A simple LiD mix adjustment should cost 100k tops, including all the mandatory safety tests. There's no need to pay Microtosh to decommission the old one either. Any CORNI registered engineer can do that, probably at half the price.
_____________________________________________________________
Space kitten
That's quite true but ---
The last free neutron would have been long gone before he even got to the bunker door.
_____________________________________________________________
Ringmaster
Do you even know what a neutron is?
_____________________________________________________________
Space kitten
I should do since I fix transmuters for a living. Meanwhile Nukenumpty, Ringmaster has a point. Radiation is dangerous. You can't see it and you can't feel it but it can kill you as surely as Avada Kedavra! The only defence is constant vigilance.
_____________________________________________________________
Mr Chips
Oh please, not another round of clear magic jokes!
It's true. Pods are only ever issued one at a time to Microtosh engineers. And if you don't bring one back they put your DNA and your ID chip code on the global police computer then everywhere you go some machine shouts THIEF. You've as good as got a criminal record.
Actually there is a way. Microtosh domestic appliances are matched to their pods, which is why cloned pods don't work, but the stuff they sell to large UN organisations is different; it all works with the same generic pod. What you have to do is, first, track down a generic pod and, second, modify your ring to make it look like a UN one.
The modification isn't particularly easy because the coding block is buried right in the centre of the thing inside a tungsten box. You'll have to drill the screws out with a boron nitride tipped drill. DON'T use a laserbore; there's sure to be residual activity in the metal. The instructions for modifying the code block are too complex to post here. Send me an e-mail.
PS: You'll need goggles, gauntlets and a mask too.
_____________________________________________________________
Moderator
Mr Chips: Following advice from the Microtosh legal department, your e-mail address has been removed from your profile. Sorry.
_____________________________________________________________
Mr Chips
B****y Microtosh. They think they rule the world!
_____________________________________________________________
Space kitten
Have you just noticed? The UN uses all Microtosh contracts - and Robocop isn't coming to save us!
_____________________________________________________________
Nukenumpty
OK, I took a radiation monitor off the bunker wall and did a leak test. How do I check for beryllium?
_____________________________________________________________
Space kitten
It's not easy; the only sure way is with a portable mass spectrometer. On the other hand, if you didn't open the vacuum chamber or the helium purge pump there's no way any could've escaped.
_____________________________________________________________
Ringmaster
For God's sake will you stop messing around and get a professional in before the thing goes critical and blows half the city away!
_____________________________________________________________
Mr Chips
Well, well, well, who's the numpty now? Didn't they teach you anything on that CORNI course? No ring has ever gone critical. It's not possible.
_____________________________________________________________
Ringmaster
When I want advice from a computer nerd I'll ask for it. Stick to hacking ID chips. You'll live longer.
_____________________________________________________________
Cornigirl
They don't teach you any nuclear physics at all. We spent half a day learning to recite the Ionising Radiation Regulations and the rest was all practical stuff. If I hadn't studied physics at uni I wouldn't know what a neutron was either.
Edit: They did tell us that "a ring can't go nuclear". I remember thinking at the time, "How else is it supposed to work?"
_____________________________________________________________
Space kitten
Not if the GIA catch him! But he's quite right. The concept of critical mass belongs to nuclear fission. Fusion bombs have a fission bomb inside them. Fusion rings only go critical in old sci-fi movies.
_____________________________________________________________
Ringmaster
Space kitten, why don't you go back to your transmuters and leave nuclear stuff to the experts.
_____________________________________________________________
Mr Chips
Ringmaster, you really are priceless.
_____________________________________________________________
Nukenumpty
Thanks for the replies. Cornigirl, you're right of course. I won't be buying anything more from that bunch of money-grubbing parasites. Mr Chips, thanks for the stuff you sent but I'm afraid it's too technical for me. Space kitten, thanks for your input. I rang the UNHS helpline and it confirmed your diagnosis. I'll certainly use goggles and gauntlets next time.
_____________________________________________________________
Ringmaster
Next time? NEXT TIME!!! Look you f*****g moron. Can't you get it into your thick head. You've already damaged your eyes and God only knows what else. Have you had your vasectomy yet? Do I have to spell it out?
CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!
_____________________________________________________________
Moderator
This thread has degenerated into abuse and has now been locked.
_____________________________________________________________
Space cat
Hasn't changed much has it?
PS: The members in this thread haven't been born yet and their names are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to existing members' names is, mostly, unintentional. Microtosh does not exist - yet!
Can anyone help? My fusion ring went on the blink a few days ago. Started flashing the Service Required light. Of course Microtosh had an engineer at the door almost before I knew anything was wrong. She plugged her pod in, said something about the lid mix being wrong and wanted 500k to fix it. 500k!!!
She'd only been in five minutes - and I bet she could've put it right in another ten. I told her I could get a new ring for a meg but then she said it would cost two megs to have the old one taken away. B****y Microtosh; they screw you whichever way you turn. Anyway, I sent her packing and bought a lid on eBay but it didn't make any difference. To be honest, I couldn't see anything wrong with the old one. Is there anything else I can do that won't cost me an arm and a leg?
Also, does anybody know anything about climate control systems? Yes, that's Microtosh too! It might be my imagination but I think there's a slight mist in here.
_____________________________________________________________
Space kitten
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! You really should've read up a bit on fusion rings first.
There was, as you suspect, nothing wrong with the old lid. What she meant was that your lithium-deuterium (aka LiD) mix was wrong. Unfortunately you can't do anything with that ring of yours without a pod and Microtosh won't sell them to anybody. Sad but true; you'll just have to cough up. As for your climate control problem, have a look outside. Is it misty there too? I bet it is. The trouble is, the radiation monitors in the bunker don't detect residual activity inside the ring. You need lead-glass goggles as a minimum before you open one up. That 'mist' is inside your eyeballs and the only cure is a double lens transplant - or learn to live with it.
You should've worn gauntlets too. Keep an eye on your fingernails over the next few months._____________________________________________________________
Ringmaster
Hear we go again. Why does every tosspot and his robot think they can do our job. So you think she'd have been finished in ten minutes do you? If she was doing her job properly she'd have checked the magnetic field integrity, the vacuum and the helium purge pump. She'd also have done a radiation leak test and a beryllium contamination test. Did you do those? I thought not. I remember a whole family going down with beryllium poisoning. It wasn't a pretty sight. Stop messing with stuff you don't understand.
Space kitten, you aren't helping. A little knowledge only encourages idiots to meddle where they shouldn't, and lead-glass goggles won't keep neutrons out.
_____________________________________________________________
Cornigirl
There's a reason why Microtosh stuff is so cheap and you've just found it; they screw you on the maintenance. You can't do anything without a pod and they're only available to Microtosh accredited engineers. And before you ask, the cloned ones you can buy on eBay won't work. I'm afraid it's a case of Caveat Emptor.
If I were you I'd cut your losses, ditch that piece of junk and get a Saturn or a Genski. Sure, it'll set you back four megs but it'll last a lot longer. Spare parts are readily available and you don't need a poxy pod to fix them. A simple LiD mix adjustment should cost 100k tops, including all the mandatory safety tests. There's no need to pay Microtosh to decommission the old one either. Any CORNI registered engineer can do that, probably at half the price.
_____________________________________________________________
Space kitten
Ringmaster said:
That's quite true but ---
The last free neutron would have been long gone before he even got to the bunker door.
_____________________________________________________________
Ringmaster
Do you even know what a neutron is?
_____________________________________________________________
Space kitten
I should do since I fix transmuters for a living.
Meanwhile Nukenumpty, Ringmaster has a point. Radiation is dangerous. You can't see it and you can't feel it but it can kill you as surely as Avada Kedavra! The only defence is constant vigilance. _____________________________________________________________
Mr Chips
Space kitten said:
Oh please, not another round of clear magic jokes!
Cornigirl said:
It's true. Pods are only ever issued one at a time to Microtosh engineers. And if you don't bring one back they put your DNA and your ID chip code on the global police computer then everywhere you go some machine shouts THIEF. You've as good as got a criminal record.
Actually there is a way. Microtosh domestic appliances are matched to their pods, which is why cloned pods don't work, but the stuff they sell to large UN organisations is different; it all works with the same generic pod. What you have to do is, first, track down a generic pod and, second, modify your ring to make it look like a UN one.
The modification isn't particularly easy because the coding block is buried right in the centre of the thing inside a tungsten box. You'll have to drill the screws out with a boron nitride tipped drill. DON'T use a laserbore; there's sure to be residual activity in the metal. The instructions for modifying the code block are too complex to post here. Send me an e-mail.
PS: You'll need goggles, gauntlets and a mask too.
_____________________________________________________________
Moderator
Mr Chips: Following advice from the Microtosh legal department, your e-mail address has been removed from your profile. Sorry.
_____________________________________________________________
Mr Chips
B****y Microtosh. They think they rule the world!
_____________________________________________________________
Space kitten
Have you just noticed? The UN uses all Microtosh contracts - and Robocop isn't coming to save us!
_____________________________________________________________
Nukenumpty
OK, I took a radiation monitor off the bunker wall and did a leak test. How do I check for beryllium?
_____________________________________________________________
Space kitten
It's not easy; the only sure way is with a portable mass spectrometer. On the other hand, if you didn't open the vacuum chamber or the helium purge pump there's no way any could've escaped.
_____________________________________________________________
Ringmaster
For God's sake will you stop messing around and get a professional in before the thing goes critical and blows half the city away!
_____________________________________________________________
Mr Chips
Well, well, well, who's the numpty now?
Didn't they teach you anything on that CORNI course? No ring has ever gone critical. It's not possible._____________________________________________________________
Ringmaster
When I want advice from a computer nerd I'll ask for it. Stick to hacking ID chips. You'll live longer.
_____________________________________________________________
Cornigirl
They don't teach you any nuclear physics at all. We spent half a day learning to recite the Ionising Radiation Regulations and the rest was all practical stuff. If I hadn't studied physics at uni I wouldn't know what a neutron was either.
Edit: They did tell us that "a ring can't go nuclear". I remember thinking at the time, "How else is it supposed to work?"
_____________________________________________________________
Space kitten
Ringmaster said:
Not if the GIA catch him!
But he's quite right. The concept of critical mass belongs to nuclear fission. Fusion bombs have a fission bomb inside them. Fusion rings only go critical in old sci-fi movies. _____________________________________________________________
Ringmaster
Space kitten, why don't you go back to your transmuters and leave nuclear stuff to the experts.
_____________________________________________________________
Mr Chips
Ringmaster, you really are priceless.
_____________________________________________________________
Nukenumpty
Thanks for the replies. Cornigirl, you're right of course. I won't be buying anything more from that bunch of money-grubbing parasites.
Mr Chips, thanks for the stuff you sent but I'm afraid it's too technical for me. Space kitten, thanks for your input. I rang the UNHS helpline and it confirmed your diagnosis. I'll certainly use goggles and gauntlets next time. _____________________________________________________________
Ringmaster
Next time? NEXT TIME!!! Look you f*****g moron. Can't you get it into your thick head. You've already damaged your eyes and God only knows what else. Have you had your vasectomy yet? Do I have to spell it out?
CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! CORNI! AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!
_____________________________________________________________
Moderator
This thread has degenerated into abuse and has now been locked.
_____________________________________________________________
Space cat
Hasn't changed much has it?
PS: The members in this thread haven't been born yet and their names are entirely fictitious. Any similarity to existing members' names is, mostly, unintentional. Microtosh does not exist - yet!
