What should I do?

[libby lou lou]

Now the answer you need/wan't/ don't want/know.

she's at it, IF, she was my missus.mine has never strayed or give reason to think so
How the **** did you let this situation arise?

The first thing i said to my girl friend when getting together,(22yrs now) i don't mind if you take money out of my pocket, we can sort that out,
but don't give me reason
to believe your knockin about

i know life isn't that easy, sorry, but she'a tramp


i don't like what ive said

 

[anonimouse]

i assked the question because i wanted other peoples help. your the only one who has told me my worst fears. i dont like what youve said either, but its honest and im greatful for your reply.

the only bit i find nasty is that you ask how i could let it happen? it might not b happening, but in any case i havent just let it.

i havent accepted it or turned a blind eye, i am as comitted to our marraige today as i was when we got married.

if you really love someon or something you dont want to control them/it, you just accept it the way it is, no conditions.

if you get rejected, what can you do. make someone love you? i feel bad, cant sleep and im not happy about it. it could be nothing, but i dont think so, the only thing i can do is deal withit. gettin a pay as you go, i need to know.

thanks everyone.

 

[notb665]

she's at it, IF, she was my missus.mine has never strayed or give reason to think so
How the **** did you let this situation arise?

This must be the most unhelpful thing on this thread.

The first thing i said to my girl friend when getting together,(22yrs now) i don't mind if you take money out of my pocket, we can sort that out,
but don't give me reason
to believe your knockin about

Do you say other very serious things in rhyme? Please give some examples.

 

[notb665]

@ Original Poster: I feel for you - sorry to hear this. Has there been any other evidence? New hairdos? New clothes/perfume? Someone else's hair on her clothes? Unusual smells like aftershave/tobacco etc? Disappearing randomly? Late working? Laundry been done quickly to get rid of smells/stains?

I would follow her/find out one way or another (the pay-as-you-go route sounds good) but don't get caught yourself until you know for sure.

You need to know one way or another - the sooner the better.

Hope that's some help. All the best.

 

[EdwardCurrent]

Sorry that you are in this situation.

Its only my opinion, but personally I would pack her bags for her and then confront her with all that you feel unhappy about. If you are not happy with her answers then send her on her way.
Sorry,

Ed





(children may change who's bags you pack though!)

 

[Richardp]

I would assume the worse and now work out what your going to do about it, you don't want to do anything that'll make her dislike you, be attentive, get some space between her and him, can you go off on a holiday? get her to pack in the job, how's about marriage guidance? candle light dinners, talk to her,remind her about all the good times and things you've done together, have you got kids? talk about them, things you've got in common,this other bloke hasnt got any of these.

 

[LeeJC]

This isn't going to be very helpful either, but your first instincts are alarmingly accurate in general in situations like this.

I hope i'm wrong and that it has a totally innocent explanation, but i'm thinking probably not.

I've been through this a couple of times, first time it happened i ended up registering her phone for online account management and found about 400 texts to the same number and phonecalls at 3-4am while i was at work, second time and i regret doing it but i went through call history on her phone, but i already had an idea something was going on.

Not suggesting you do either, but people who are playing away tend to delete all text messages, and usually forget to clear call history, might be worth trying to get hold of her phone again on the QT and see how many calls to this "Taxi" number have been made.

Sorry to hear about it, it's never a nice situation to be in, but until it's cleared you are going to be sick worrying about it, and not trust a single thing she say's or does. And she will spot it.

 

[NickStone]

i asked, but it was "nothing" and after a while things got better.

This might give you some clues. A lot of people (including me) have given you advice but none of us really know you, your wife or the state of your marriage, so there's always going to be an element of ignorance involved. The truth is that nothing ever happens in isolation, meaning that everything we do is always a reaction to something else. For a time, I worked as a relationship counsellor and we were trained to look for 'systems', patterns in people's lives that could affect their thinking and behaviour. For example, you mentioned your wife's menopause - how has this affected her on an emotional level? Has it made her feel more or less attractive? She may know that you love her but in some deep dark corner of her brain, she may perceive this as the end. She may desperately need some assurance that she's still sexy. Now, combine this with feelings of low self-esteem originating in childhood, and you've the makings of a system of influences. I'm not saying this is the situation. It's just an example of something that may not be obvious if you just look at the immediate presentation. That route leads you to: She's having an affair; she's a tramp, etc. There is no meaning without context and the context may involve all sorts of things not immediately related to the present.

 

[Bilioustrumpstaine]

If your wife was having a fling with someone from her work the person she was having a fling with would know not to text her on a weekend and if she was getting dodgy texts from someone she wouldn't be leaving her phone about where you could find it and read the messages.

You state that she never goes out on her own, this is not normal for someone having an affair, they normally find excuses to go out.

Look at her routines, have they changed? does she dress better/differently for work?

Has she started dieting, having her hair done more often?

I would play a waiting game but not get too paranoid at this point it could have been sent in error, the original text that is.

You could just confront her or try the pay as you go game but you need to put your mind at rest. Good luck.

 

[Deluks]

Play it cool, if she has something to hide and thinks you're 'on to her' she might be more careful or knock everything on the head and then you'll never know. Act normal, play detective and don't think she isn't checking your internet history to see what questions you've been asking on internet forums

It could be nothing, but whatever happens don't blow your top, losing it can lead to some very bad moves.

 

[gcol]

Excellent advice in the last 2 posts.
Personally I'd slit her Achilles tendons just for thinking about it.
My tuppence worth, from what you've said, sounds like your missus is doing the dirty. I'd confront her in the same way you put it in your first post. Just say that you can't think of a reason why she would rename a contact other than she had something to hide.
Good luck mate.

 

[Durgo]

Anonimouse, don't listen to these plonkers! I'd make a wild guess that you and your wife are a mature, intelligent people - DISCUSS IT.
The only reason you are reluctant to do this is because it would mean confessing to looking at her texts - thats crazy! none of this cloak and dagger nonsense, just discuss.

 

[libby lou lou]

If i was was you. get straight in, tell her what you feel/think.

Ask her to prove you wrong

If your happy with her answer, then great, say sorry(i wouldn't)
then carry on( with a wary eye)

Do you really want to live with someone who dosen't love you??

Had a situation with a seven yr relationship yrs ago, got locked up, out after 18mnth. got a shag coffesion, broke my heart,

left within the hour

never looked back.

by the way. i think the op is just a tester

 

[anonimouse]

this is madness, ive done nothingg wrong but am the one sneaking about the house trying to read the advice.
Thank you all for taking the time to reply i got what i expected which is a good spread of advice i really am greatful.

thank you all for your honesty (yes even libby don't feel bad, i asked you gave) thank you for your best wishes and sympathy, i',m going mad with all the thoughts i'm having.

anyway ive made my mind up and i'm ordering a device and some software that will read up to last 15-20 deleted txts but will also let me get copies of all txts sent from or to her phone. 60quid. dont know how or if it works yet but its worth risking 60quid on. i am not going to mention anything until ive got proof or find out im wrong.

its hard. i went to work today until 3 and phoned her to say i was going to the pub for a quick pint. she was very disapointed so i went right home without saying anything to 'surprise' her. she seemed very happy to see me and she's been veyr affectianate and close all night. what do i think, that she has seen something different in me and thinks i might be on to her. i cant win can i. its driving me mad.

thanks again to all of you, its helped me to talk about it and i know what im going to do.

btw libby. this is 100% true i cat think why anyone would make something like this up - test for what, i dont know.

thank you, your all good people.

 

[PlanetThanet]

Hi

As several posters have said, face her. Ask what the first text was all about and the reason you deleted it. Be honest.
The reason I say that is that if you sneak around and find some concrete evidence, and then face her, the moral shoe is on the other foot. The whole situation has now turned around. YOU are the one sneaking around and being untrustworthy and she will try and justify anything she has done.
Don't give her the opportunity to get the upper hand.
I hope this makes sense.
I know how it feels, trust me.

Thanet.