Grieving

D

dextrous

I hate grieving, but it just hits you in waves. MY mother died yesterday after a short illness at the tender age of 88.

Bugs me that there's still redtape to go through - got to pick up death certificate, then make an appointment to register the death, then sort out funeral etc, etc. FFS!!
 
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E

EdwardCurrent

Sorry to read about your loss dextrous.
:(

Keep your chin up.
Ed.
 
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At 88 after a short illness isn't something to grieve over. That's what happens when you've led a long and happy life. Better celebrating a good innings.
 
D

dextrous

Thank you all for your kind words, and condolences to you ColJack. She had a long and good life, with her body failing her over the last few years (shingles, hernias etc), and the beginning of dementia over the last few months. Pneumonia got her in the end.

A few years ago, my grandmother-in-law died, and when we told my son (who was about 5 or 6 at the time), he asked "Has she closed the door?" Beautifully profound, we thought.
 
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not to be cruel, but it might have been a blessing in disguise..

nan had dementia and hadn't really been nan for the past 4 years..
she had no idea who we were but we still went up every sunday..
she used to freak out sometimes when the kids got their colouring books out of the cupboard as they always have, saying "I'm not having this, people coming into my house and going through my cupboards".
it got to the point that my niece wouldn't come into the same room as her and sat with my mom in the kitchen playing scrabble or yatzee or whatever..
for the last few years she would ask "who's coming to take me home?" and we'd have to explain that she was home, it was her house...
she started refering to her son ( my dad ) as HER dad, then her grandad.....
in the end she had to go into a home, that was february...
they don't last long in homes...
 
D

dextrous

Not cruel at all. She moved in with my brother just before xmas last year, (my father died feb 2008) and was well looked after. She was becoming increasingly less physically capable of looking after herself, and her mind had been beginning to ramble and become befuddled.

They looked after her well, even though it was soon coming to the point where they were not sure whether they could manage for too much longer. He was holding her hand in hospital when she passed away.

The strangest thing of all was that I was dozing at home (my wife was out taking the kids to her mother's house so we could go to the hospital (we're in Manchester, the hospital was in Coventry), and I distictly heard my mother calling to me at, it has transpired, exactly the moment she was taking her final breaths. So much so, it jolted me awake. My brother called a few minutes later with the news. I'm not a religious man, but it is extremely odd.
 
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My condolences mate. My father died when I was 21 and my mother passed away about 8 years ago.

The strangest thing of all was that I was dozing at home (my wife was out taking the kids to her mother's house so we could go to the hospital (we're in Manchester, the hospital was in Coventry), and I distictly heard my mother calling to me at, it has transpired, exactly the moment she was taking her final breaths. So much so, it jolted me awake. My brother called a few minutes later with the news. I'm not a religious man, but it is extremely odd.
You never know dex, you never know.

And what a wonderful gift for your brother and from him to his mother, for him to be holding her hand at the end. A moment none of us want to experience but in most cases it will happen. It must have been a great great comfort to her.
 
D

dextrous

Thanks Blas.

It's odd, being on here, just whiling away the hours until the next ebb of overwhelming emotions.

Will probably do what I did when my father died - wander around a few churches tomorrow, light a few candles, weep and ponder. Am still at that stage of consternation - thinking of doing something around the house, but feeling guilty that I owe her memory more time. If you know what I mean. :confused:
 
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My sincere condolence to you in your time of loss, remember the good times, i'm sure there were many.

Wotan
 
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dex you say you are not religious, but I am so I will say that I hope my God can ease your pain even ever so slightly, it is eerie that you heard your mums voice as she passed and I hope it gives you some comfort in the future, God Bless you and yours.
 
D

dextrous

dex you say you are not religious, but I am so I will say that I hope my God can ease your pain even ever so slightly, it is eerie that you heard your mums voice as she passed and I hope it gives you some comfort in the future, God Bless you and yours.

At times like this, I wish I could believe, I truly do. We are having an extention built at home, and the contractor said that he prayed for me and my mother at his mosque.

Thank you, and thanks wotan.
 
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