Grieving

[securespark]

feeling guilty that I owe her memory more time.

Don't worry about that. Memory is a wonderful thing and you will always have her in your memory. You need not feel at all disrespectful about this.

Just go with the flow. Of course there will be times when you feel like doing nothing - take time out when you feel overwhelmed.

At other times, carry on as you would while you can - there's no harm in that.

 

[dextrous]

Thanks.

All this bearing my soul will make it hard to hurl abuse at you all, in due course.

 

[securespark]

We'll understand if you're ratty from time to time - no worries!

 

[conny]

Sincere condolences Dex,
even when its expected it hits you like a brick mate.
Red tape is a positive pain in the proverbial but it has to be got through so best to just go with the flow and get it out the way.
People in your situation often wonder how others can get on with their lives while yours seems to have been shattered, I certainly did. You want to scream at them, "My Mum/Dad has died how can you just carry on?"
But you don't and eventually it will pass. Hold on to your memories, they are the things that noone can take from you, and be thankful that she was YOUR Mum. I have no doubt she instilled a sense of pride and worth in yourself that has helped to make you what you are today. You can honour her memory by carrying on that tradition and passing it on to your kids/grandkids.
Don't be afraid to show your feelings and learn to talk about her as though she is still with you because she always will be.
May her God help her to rest in peace.

Take care mate.

 

[Blasphemous]

Don't be afraid to show your feelings and learn to talk about her as though she is still with you because she always will be.

Couldn't agree more mate.

 

[obmcfc]

Sorry for you loss and know how you feel

My mum passed away just before Christmas aged 81 and was pneunomia. She had just been diagnosed with cancer and was in hospital. Kind of glad when I think about it that she went the way she did rather than months/years of radiotheraphy at her age and what would her quality of life have been like after living it to the full for over 80 years.

She livd in Northern Ireland and I live in London, one week just decided to go home and while there my mum just passed away was almost like it was meant to be. She just said to my sister she was cold, my sister put on her bed jacket and it was almost like turning off a light she took my hand told me she loved me and closed her eyes, no pain at all. So quiet and peaceful.

To be honest not sure I have accepted it yet, was a shock to visit grave for first time and shock to see her name on headstone along with my fathers as it seemed so final.

I get through by remembering the good times, the laughs and the way she treated everyone with love and affection.

Sorry starting to ramble now but you will get through this hard time with happy memories and your friends/family around you.

Hope you are ok send me a PM if you ever need to chat/cry/laugh/moan or anything really (sometimes helps talking to an outsider and someone you don't know very well)

Roy

 

[ColJack]

it's amazing also how much death is mentioned in the media too.. you don't notice it untill you have a bereavement in the family then everything on tv seems to have some reference to it..

 

[dextrous]

it's amazing also how much death is mentioned in the media too.. you don't notice it untill you have a bereavement in the family then everything on tv seems to have some reference to it..

I've noticed it too!! When I read that story of the 81 year old who was beaten to death, or the child who died on a tractor, I thank my lucky stars. Although I'm in a state of shock and upset, how much worse must it be for others for whom a relative has died prematurely? What must be going through their minds - my own situation is bad enough, but at least I know she went peacefully in the presence of my brother.

 

[Zampa]

My condolences...may your mum rest in peace.

Never an easy time, and the ol brain can play some funny tricks on you .ie. irrational thoughts etc..but try to think out of the box and prioritise your tasks.

Securesparks words seem to sum a lot of things up

Grieve with pride..

 

[securespark]

I have not lost a parent, but felt like I did when my Gran died in the (and her) nineties. Don't get me wrong, I get on very well with Mum and we love each other to bits, but Gran was special because she took me to live with her when my parents split up. It was 1971, and she was 67.

She had guts to take on a young boy at that age!

After she had gone, I used to sit at home and pick up the phone, dial her number, then remember she had died.

Even now, I remember her number and desperately want to talk to her, so I do! And the brilliant thing is, it saves me a fortune on phone bills!

She used to live in Golders Green & her number was Gladstone 0733.

Wonder what would happen if I were to dial 0208 452 0733 now??

 

[Zampa]

Youd probably get through to an Indian Restaraunt!

If you miss talking to her, then find a bit of 'me time' and talk to her, I often go out the garden look to the sky and mumble a few words to my dad..I always wish him happy birthday/christmas..and Ill be out there sunday wishing him happy fathers day

Im not religious, and im not into all that spiritual stuff..if it is true then its far beyond my comprehension anyway

But it makes me feel better and ..its a nice feeling., it helps take away a bit of the feeling of loss.

 

[dextrous]

Like I said before - I wish I could believe, I really do. Maybe not having faith is a harder way of dealing with it, but it's the only way I know now.

 

[EdwardCurrent]

Dex.

Having a faith may be right for some, that's good and admirable.

You however Dex have your own inner strength that will pull (sometimes drag) you through this dreadful time, and out the other 'side'.

As I said before, keep your chin up, back and shoulders straight for now.

Be strong, Mum would have wanted you to be.

Mark.

 

[EddieM]

Take your time mate, the emotions will ebb and flow strongly certainly at the moment, don't be afraid to talk to your departed loved ones, everyone does it. I "talk" to my Gran when things are troubling me, and yet I don't believe in God. As has been said before, go with the flow, there are no rights or wrongs, and it goes of course without saying, I wish you all the best, take it easy. Don't be afraid of "talking" on these boards either, most of us whilst quarrelsome at times are generally decent folk, it often helps to speak to people you don't know that well.

Stay strong, Ed.

 

[dextrous]

Thank you all for your continued support and understanding. Spent the day sorting out the paperwork and funeral arrangements.

She died in Coventry, and we considered a cremation there, but there's something about the city that wasn't right for us. So, instead, will have the funeral up in North Wales (where she was born and brought up). It's been a long and strange day, but it's good to feel that something has been done, which I think she would have liked and appreciated.