- Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
- There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
- Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
- There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
- Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.
- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
- Chuck Norris puts the m's on M&Ms.
- Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega Genesis.
- Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world
- Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.
- Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.
- There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.
- Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.
- Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.
- Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
- Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.
- Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym
- In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in "Total Recall".
- Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
- Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he won't trade any of them for anything.
- In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
- Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the paralympics.
- Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym.
- Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.
- Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days
- Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
- If you look in a mirror and say "Chuck Norris" three times, he will appear and kill your entire family... but at least you get to see Chuck Norris.
- A handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
- Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Indian.
- When Chuck Norris was driving he saw a sign that said, "Caution: Small Children Playing." So he slowed down, but then it occurred to him: Chuck Norris isn't afraid of small children.
- If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down.
- In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
- Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people.
- Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pyjamas.
- A Chevy truck was totalled in a car accident. It hit black ice, then hit Chuck Norris. You tell me what did the damage.
- It used to be called the Tower of Pisa until Chuck Norris decided to roundhouse kick the **** out of it.
- Chuck Norris kills 14 white people at the end of every week just to prove he isn't racist.
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Chuck Norris believes what goes around comes a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.
You can't squeeze blood from a stone... but Chuck Norris can.
Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.
Inspired by the movie Alien vs. Predator, Chuck Norris has begun work on a screen play tentatively titled, "Alien, Predator, Frankenstein, Wolfman, The Mummy and a Whole S*itload of Vampires vs. Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris is the reason the participants of the Special Olympics are special.
The reason there has been so many different Batman's is because Chuck Norris kept killing them off.
When Chuck Norris is smiling, he just killed your dad.
The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.
Chuck Norris sank the Titanic with a slow-motion roundhouse kick because Chuck Norris can't stand that Celine Dion song.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Much like the sun, Chuck Norris will cause blindness if looked at for prolonged periods of time.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.
The only reason the American military forces are still needed in Iraq is because Chuck Norris is not in the American military forces.
Chuck Norris can take a dump while standing.
The world population divides into two groups, those who fear Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
]
Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds[/img]
- There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
- When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.
- Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living **** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.
- There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
- Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the **** down.
- When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
- In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
- Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.
- Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
- Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
- Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's ****.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
- Chuck Norris puts the m's on M&Ms.
- Chuck Norris was a hidden playable character on Mortal Kombat 2 on the Sega Genesis.
- Chuck Norris is known for his modesty but readily admits that he is the 8th wonder of the natural world
- Chuck Norris goes to the toilet once a month, if he needs to or not.
- Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with water.
- There are in fact 31 letters of the English Alphabet however only Chuck Norris knows what the extra 5 letters are.
- Occasionally Chuck Norris will call up the Power Rangers just to say hi.
- Chuck Norris has no concept of time, if you go to his house you won't find a single clock. When you ask to leave because it's getting late he stares at you blankly until you sit back down.
- Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
- Chuck Norris once ate a banana without having to peel it.
- Every piece of furniture in Chuck Norris' house is a Total Gym
- In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight co-host Mary Hart that his most memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in "Total Recall".
- Chuck Norris once did a back flip off the Great Wall of China.
- Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
- Chuck Norris caught all 386 pokemon in just under 2.7 seconds. He says he won't trade any of them for anything.
- In one episode of Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced Carlton for one scene and nobody noticed.
- Chuck Norris broke his own leg, purely for the sake of winning the paralympics.
- Chuck Norris will never fully be male nor female. Doctors once asked him which he preferred. He gave them an ad for a Total Gym.
- Chuck Norris frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.
- Chuck Norris doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days
- Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
- If you look in a mirror and say "Chuck Norris" three times, he will appear and kill your entire family... but at least you get to see Chuck Norris.
- A handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
- Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ****ing Indian.
- When Chuck Norris was driving he saw a sign that said, "Caution: Small Children Playing." So he slowed down, but then it occurred to him: Chuck Norris isn't afraid of small children.
- If Chuck Norris is late, time better slow the **** down.
- In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever gotten.
- Chuck Norris invented cancer because he was tired of killing people.
- Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pyjamas.
- A Chevy truck was totalled in a car accident. It hit black ice, then hit Chuck Norris. You tell me what did the damage.
- It used to be called the Tower of Pisa until Chuck Norris decided to roundhouse kick the **** out of it.
- Chuck Norris kills 14 white people at the end of every week just to prove he isn't racist.
Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
Chuck Norris believes what goes around comes a roundhouse kick to the face.
Chuck Norris' beard hair is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.
You can't squeeze blood from a stone... but Chuck Norris can.
Chuck Norris doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Chuck.
Inspired by the movie Alien vs. Predator, Chuck Norris has begun work on a screen play tentatively titled, "Alien, Predator, Frankenstein, Wolfman, The Mummy and a Whole S*itload of Vampires vs. Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris is the reason the participants of the Special Olympics are special.
The reason there has been so many different Batman's is because Chuck Norris kept killing them off.
When Chuck Norris is smiling, he just killed your dad.
The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was observed doing 8 roundhouse kicks a second.
Chuck Norris sank the Titanic with a slow-motion roundhouse kick because Chuck Norris can't stand that Celine Dion song.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
Much like the sun, Chuck Norris will cause blindness if looked at for prolonged periods of time.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with barbed wire.
The only reason the American military forces are still needed in Iraq is because Chuck Norris is not in the American military forces.
Chuck Norris can take a dump while standing.
The world population divides into two groups, those who fear Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
]
Chuck Norris can watch an episode of 60 minutes in 22 seconds[/img]
