Never Ending Story

[Space cat]

One by one the sisters took a turn in the bath while the others watched Eric's DVD. (Lovers' Guide 1, 2 and 3; a bargain at £2-99 even if it was a pirate copy.) It was a strange sight to behold, like a cross between a beauty contest and a fishmonger's slab. Eric and Allia were curled up together in the only armchair, half asleep after their bath, when the doorbell rang. It was the apprentices from hell.

"We need the plans for the phased arr-- Wow! Are those real mermaids? "

Eric was not happy, not happy at all, but Allia had a cunning plan. "Let them have a go in the bath Eric. I'll make us all some mulled wine. " As he took them all into the bathroom (it was a tight squeeze) he heard Allia in the kitchen. "Honey, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, calamus -- " Eric could hardly contain his laughter as the first apprentice went into the bath.

 

[Susiejb]

Eric found the apprentices extremely annoying...for a start they had gatecrashed HIS party...
but also they were the most self opinionated, single minded, uncompromising, dogmatic, bunch of people that he had ever met....
well, at least since he last visited general discussion on Diynot (its only a JOKE)

Allia gave the apprentices a large glass of her 'mulled wine' and within minutes they were behaving like complete imbeciles (nothing new there then !) thrashing around in the bath ....

"We need to get out of here Allia, I have to claim the royalties from the phased array machine"
They opened the door for a quick escape and there was Alan Sugar.
"What the bleedin' 'ells happenin' in there"
He glanced at the mermaids....
"Get in the car......I'm just shooting Lovers Guide 4, 5 and 6 you lot should liven it up"
Eric shook his head as they set off...eight mermaids, himself, Allia and Alan Sugar what could possibly go wrong next.....

 

[Space cat]

The trouble started almost as soon as they got into the studio --

"Very nice ladies, very nice indeed - but lose the tails."

Nine sisters plus Eric stared at the director. Who was this idiot?

"Look, this is a serious educational film, not a remake of Stingray, so let's have the mermaid costumes off."

He got hold of Allia's tail flukes. Eric could hardly bear to watch --

 

[Susiejb]

"STOP" shouted Eric in his best authoritative voice.

"STOP THAT RIGHT NOW......only I own the patent on that fancy dress costume it is patent number 435672389675436/WTH/64916 and it belongs to me.....I am THE INVENTOR"

Allia was so proud
(she didn't know he had read the DIYnot forum and had pinched the idea from a posting)**

"Thats it" said Alan Sugar "You're all a load a bleedin' time wasters who didn't do yer 'omework......the whole flamin' lot of yer.....just get out of my sight....yer all fired"

Eric couldn't believe his luck......he jumped into a taxi surrounded by nine nubile nymphs.....and felt uplifted

"Where to mate" said the driver....
suddenly Eric realised he hadn't a clue......


**thank you imamartian for that glimmer of inspiration

 

[Space cat]

-- where he was! "Where the hell are we?"

"Not another lot! I had a bunch of Hellawi in here last week. Said they had to get back to the future where they'd already paid me. Does this look like a DeLorean? Everybody OUT!!!

Nine mermaids plus Eric rolled out into the street --

-- where Sir Alan's limousine was still standing, complete with driver.

"Where to sir --"

Eric really liked that.

"Midsummer Monster Festival - Loch Ness"

Why had he said that? It just popped in there.

Then Allia cuddled up and gazed at him with those huge eyes of hers. "Eric, how much water can that array thingy handle? "

 

[Susiejb]

....the limo was not that big and the journey seemed to take forever.....Eric was desperate for Allia....and having 18 luscious breast constantly poking you in the face didn't help.....although he thought it was quite nice

The moment they arrived at the Midsummer Monster Festival the limo door was wrenched open
"Thank god you're here" shouted a strangely dressed individual in a monster outfit."We thought you wouldn't make it"
Eric looked slightly 'gone out'
"You are the 'Nine Nubile Nymphs' synchronized swimming display"
Before Eric could answer Allia chipped in......
"Absolutely, yes we are, but only eight I'm afraid ..... one has an injury"
"Not to worry....amazing costumes by the way"
"Yes, I am THE INVENTOR" said Eric proudly.
"Go for it sisters" said Allia with a wink.

So while the sisters amazed the crowd with the display Eric and Allia swam to Loch Lochy and turned on the phased array, as the water started to bubble.....Eric whispered
"Tha sin glè mhath!" (that's very good)
and Allia replied with;
"Se do bheatha." (you're welcome)

 

[Space cat]

How did that happen? Eric had never spoken mermaid in his life!

They lay together in the shallow water rolling and moaning softly as the wavelets danced around them. (Allia had taught Eric how to 'roll with the flow'. It had been an exceedingly noisy learning experience but well worth it. ) Then, as the battery ran down, they fell into a deep sleep.

Next day, Eric volunteered to help with the festival electrics in exchange for free beer. But it wasn't the beer he wanted; it was power, many kilowatts of power. As he wired up each of the huge lakeside speakers, he dropped an electrode into the water. This was going to be a festival with a difference.

 

[Susiejb]

He always insisted that he didn't know
(although no one ever knew the truth)
He always insisted that it was nothing do with him that The National Grid SCO exploded and the whole of Scotland was plunged into darkness.

Nor did he admit any responsibility for the 982 people in monster fancy dress that were blown out of the Loch ( some sustaining minor injuries) or for the boatload of OAP's on 'The Trip of a Lifetime' that were catapulted to somewhere in the Cairngorms National Park

.....what he did know was that he would never ever forget the radiant smile on Allias face
.....or the ""Wow Eric.... better than the best ever" that she whispered in his ear.
..... the vibrations that they experienced would never be matched by the biggest monster Anne Summers could ever produce

He had to claim the patent.....he just had to...........

 

[Space cat]

-- see what the hell was going on!!! There were TV cameras all over the place. A familiar, if not entirely welcome, face ran towards him, microphone in hand.

"Jack Hammer; I'm freelance now. Did you see it? "

Eric was blank. "See what? "

"Why Nessie of course! It's all over the news. If you ask me it was just a gas eruption from the fault line but try telling this lot --"

Allia popped up, still visibly flushed.

"OK, I can see what you two have been up to but you must've noticed something. Nice costume by the way; you really can't see the --- WOW!!!"

Another mermaid popped out of the water, closely followed by a spotty youth with a big grin on his face. (Eric recognized the tell-tale signs of calamus root.) "This is Mike. He can swim like a fish - and look at this " She flipped her tail up to reveal a large, Nessie-shaped earring.

"Oh that's marvelous" said Allia, hugging her sister. Do you have a name too?"

"Starbright. "

"I'm Waterlily"

"-- and I'm Calypso."

Two more sisters appeared and it was clear that the monster trinket shop had done well. Eric felt so ashamed, naming the love of his life after a piece of sanitary ware.

"I like Allia", she whispered. How did she do that? He hadn't said a word.

"Four mermaids! What a scoop - but that can wait. There's something here you really have to see."

Eric looked at the article:

"Mothers' Union obtains high court injunction against 'orgasmatron'."

This was bad; very bad indeed --

 

[Susiejb]

pound note signs passed in front of Erics eyes.....
he needed that money.....

"Well have they ever tried it.....how about if we meet at the local swimming pool and they give it a go"
(the thought of a pool, filled with women, all with a mans haircut, all sporting swimsuits with skirts....attempting to hide their 'femininity' filled him with horror...God he hoped they all had a shave before they came

it seemed the only hope....

"I can help" said Allia

The thought of his gorgeous, sexy, luscious, and most desirable Allia next to those women with straight lips and a 'don't even think about it' look in their eye was too much to even contemplate

"You wait here for me ....come on Jack....lets get it over with as quick as we can...."

He waved goodbye to Allia....

"Miss you already" she whispered with a little tear in her eye

 

[Space cat]

SCANDAL AT MOTHERS' UNION - PRESIDENT FORCED TO RESIGN!

That was the headline next day. With the array on a low setting the union committee had got into the pool (and what a motley bunch they were). Allia refused to wear a bikini top so she wasn't allowed in. Bad idea! "I'll show them", she chuckled as she nudged up the power.

One by one the committee members scrambled out until only the president remained. The others watched apprehensively from the poolside; something wasn't right. Without any warning, their president threw her head back and let out a howl such as they'd never heard.

Pandemonium ruled. Some rushed to get her out while others dialled 999. Jack hadn't been allowed in the pool with the women but he'd sneaked into the viewing gallery and got the whole thing on video. What a scoop! He could retire on this.

 

[Susiejb]

Eric watched in horror, he had told Allia not to come....but she new how to get round him. He managed to resist at first, even after the promise of 'a better than the best of the best' but when she included 'a full body massage with mermaid oil'....well that just tipped the scales

The thing was, Eric was a serious inventor, but no one would listen, it was a 'Phased Array' and now it had deteriorated into an 'Orgasmatron', he wondered if other inventors like Einstein and Mr Kipling had this problem.

There were cameras and microphones everywhere, he slipped on his 'kiss me quick hat' and his flashing sunglasses...they had a little flashing LCD sign that kept saying 'I'm cool'. The last thing he wanted was for Doris to recognise him.....

He was just sneaking out the door when he heard a little voice:
"Coooo'eeee Eric.....look at me"

He glanced up at the extra, extra, high diving board and there was Allia doing a handstand on the edge of the board.....before he could speak, she did a triple somersault, back flip, sideward rotating spin and finished with a triple salco...entering the water like a fish
Her little smiley face popped up out of the water.
"Love the glasses Eric"

Everyone stared...
"We need that girl for the Olympic Diving Team" said the swimming coach.
Eric groaned....she was gorgeous.....but my word she was trouble...

 

[Space cat]

and right now, Eric had enough trouble to deal with.

"Excuse me sir", came a voice from behind. "You don't know me but I know you. You're the inventor of the orgasmatron --"

"Phased array", Eric butted in.

"Whatever. Now the thing is, you have the plans whereas I have the shops. You get the idea. "

"B-but"

"Oh, don't worry about that injunction. Sign a deal with me and I'm sure I can get it lifted."

"Not today thankyou." Jack had appeared out of nowhere "My client already has a partner. Come on Eric." The stranger made a quick exit.

"Do you know who that was?" Jack hissed.

"No!"

"Well you don't want to either. Trust me, I'm a journalist. I know scum when I see it. Tubthumper is behind this. He got that injunction with the help of three dodgy judges and a bent bishop. Knows all his most important customers does the reverend. "

Eric was confused. Warmongers, money grubbers, bigots and crooks, all fighting for control of his invention. Whoever won it wasn't likely to be him. He looked at Allia and an idea popped into his head. He could almost hear her voice: "Your invention is for everybody Eric, not just the rich and powerful."

He knew what he had to do. Twelve apprentices and twelve files, each with only a quarter of the plans. How's that for a game show!

"Jack, have you got a computer handy?"

 

[Susiejb]

.....as soon as Eric logged on he saw it....
......a full page ad. for 'Crap Chat'
headline 'My Husband Slept With A Mermaid'

.....his heart sank, there was Doris smiling...well sort of smiling, they had given her a 'make over' bit of lippy, touch of mascara, and she looked ... well, she looked absolutely the same....not a lot you can do with a crew cut and two nose rings

He had to shelve the quiz show at the minute and get Allia out....
where was she anyway ?......
he pushed through the crowd and there she was in the pool, ducking and diving..... everyone was enthralled.
"Wow she swims like a fish"
"And she's in fancy dress"

"Come on darling...time to go" shouted Eric
Allia leapt into his arms to another loud "WOW"

"Need to borrow the car Jack...catch you tomorrow"

"I was enjoying that" said Allia
"Well for tonight its back to Loch Lochy ....I need to relax.....
Allia hand slipped once again into his pocket
"Is it safe"
"Perfectly safe" said Eric patting the phasesd array "And it works even better in mermaid oil"

 

[Space cat]

Back at Loch Ness, the festival was still in full swing with everybody hoping for another appearance by Nessie but all Eric wanted was to be alone with Allia.

"I know the perfect place", she said softly. How did she do that? He hadn't said a word.

"Allia, this might sound stupid but can you, er, I mean --"

"Read your thoughts? Well, sort of. Mermaids are crude telepaths - but it only works between lovers. "

She had never called him her lover before. Eric liked the sound of that; he liked it a lot. She wrapped her tail around his waist and gazed up at him with those huge eyes of hers. "I think you're ready for this; we both are. Don't fight it. Just roll with the flow", she whispered as she locked her lips onto his in a slow, sensuous kiss.

Waves of pure ecstacy poured into Erics brain. But it wasn't Allia's magic touch. That was physical. This was different - and a bit scary. He fought to stay focussed. No Eric, roll with it - you gotta roll with it - ALLIA ---

But there was no Allia - and no Eric either; just a unified whole that knew what it was like to be a mermaid swimming through the Sargasso sea, or a gawky teenager living next door to Doris. And they knew love - raw, all-embracing sexual love. A great peace came over them and they fell into a deep, deep sleep.

(Time I did the same . )