Thanks a lot

[tim west]

Do you find that those you've helped in the other forums with advice that don't say thanks are rude?

 

[notb665]

Manners are in decline in general.

Do I teach my kids manners like when I was growing up and risk having them ridiculed because they will sound 'posh', or admit defeat and join the rest of society?

Grammar and spelling are also in decline - people throw their arms up if you correct either of these and deem you fussy or retentive. I think they are indicative of an individual and society as a whole - you care about communicating effectively so you bloody well make sure you can do it right.

 

[tim west]

Manners are in decline in general.

Do I teach my kids manners like when I was growing up and risk having them ridiculed because they will sound 'posh', or admit defeat and join the rest of society?

Grammar and spelling are also in decline - people throw their arms up if you correct either of these and deem you fussy or retentive. I think they are indicative of an individual and society as a whole - you care about communicating effectively so you b****y well make sure you can do it right.

Although I agree with you on most of what you said, I disagree on the spelling, reason why is I used to be hot on spelling when young but have found that as i've got older that I tend to make more spelling mistakes, in my mind I don't see the mistakes as easily as before.

 

[securespark]

Do I teach my kids manners........or admit defeat and join the rest of society?

Deffo the first!

Those of us who were taught manners naturally pass them on to their children.

All my kids always say "please" and "thank you" and I would be upset if they did not.

And the youngest is 2.

 

[Space cat]

Do I teach my kids manners like when I was growing up and risk having them ridiculed because they will sound 'posh'

You don't have to sound 'posh' to have manners. Maybe you are confusing manners with etiquette. It's a common mistake. There is an excellent example of someone with impeccable etiquette but no manners whatsoever in an episode of One Foot in the Grave. It ends with Victor throwing the obnoxious little brat's toupe down the drain.

Manners are not about knowing which fork to use first but rather about the much older idea of doing as you would be done by. (I think that's in the bible somewhere but I bet it's a lot older.) They are essential for any animal that lives in groups. I'm no linguist but I would expect to find words for "please", "thankyou" and "sorry" in every language including chimpanzee (maybe non-verbal for the chimps).

Those of us who were taught manners naturally pass them on to their children.

I agree. Children learn mostly by example. If the parents have no manners the children won't either, at least until they start school. At this point they will quickly learn a few in the playground. I'm tempted to agree with notb665 that manners are in decline in general but I have a problem in that my parents were saying exactly the same thing forty years ago! Twenty years ago it was fashionable to blame the bad behaviour of the youth of the time on their 'hippie' parents who had failed to discipline them properly. That argument no longer works because today's loud mouthed yobs are the children of Thatcher's eighties. Were we, the children of the post-war fifties, really any better?

To get back to the original post,

Do you find that those you've helped in the other forums with advice that don't say thanks are rude?

I do find it slightly annoying when a thread to which I've contributed answers just fizzles out. It would be nice to know whether my answers were any good. This won't stop me replying to posts though. The simple fact is that I rarely remember who asked what.