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LooPrEvil
You need to seek expert legal advice, which unfortunately is costly.
legal advice - marriage breakdown
- Thread starter dbaplaya
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RedHerring2
An analogy that I've used in discussions about trust and honesty in relationships, any kind of relationships, Parent- Child, Sexual Partner, Business Partner, is the game of Jenga. You know the game with wooden blocks built in a tower and each person takes out a block until the tower falls down.
At the start of the game/relationship, the blocks are all well seated and the tower is stable. Each time we remove a block or create doubt in that relationship we cause a wobble in the tower. Remove enough blocks and the tower will eventually fall.
We all have different aspects of when that tower will fall or has fallen.
Once that point has been reached it's much more difficult to rebuild a stable tower again. You cannot simply re-insert a block when you realise you've removed one too many.
It'll take time and patience to rebuild a tower/relationship, but some may simply become bored with rebuilding the tower after every 'game'. They may prefer to move on to another 'game'.
At the start of the game/relationship, the blocks are all well seated and the tower is stable. Each time we remove a block or create doubt in that relationship we cause a wobble in the tower. Remove enough blocks and the tower will eventually fall.
We all have different aspects of when that tower will fall or has fallen.
Once that point has been reached it's much more difficult to rebuild a stable tower again. You cannot simply re-insert a block when you realise you've removed one too many.
It'll take time and patience to rebuild a tower/relationship, but some may simply become bored with rebuilding the tower after every 'game'. They may prefer to move on to another 'game'.
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Susiejb
Just my opinion but if that girl really loves you she will want to make it work too.
However, when trust has gone it takes an age to rebuild, it definitely will not work if someone keeps referring to the past.
You both have to be able to say, the past is gone...I can't change it, no matter how much you wish that you could, you have to move on.
It is hard to rebuild a marriage...not everyone can do it, unfortunately you have maybe not had long enough together to make that solid rock foundation that Red Herring speaks of.
I wish you well.....maybe its best not to let her see that you are so concerned about the finance...
but you are more concerned about losing the love of your life
However, when trust has gone it takes an age to rebuild, it definitely will not work if someone keeps referring to the past.
You both have to be able to say, the past is gone...I can't change it, no matter how much you wish that you could, you have to move on.
It is hard to rebuild a marriage...not everyone can do it, unfortunately you have maybe not had long enough together to make that solid rock foundation that Red Herring speaks of.
I wish you well.....maybe its best not to let her see that you are so concerned about the finance...
but you are more concerned about losing the love of your life
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I bet she is sh@gging some one else.
She is using this as a Cop out!!!
She is using this as a Cop out!!!
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E
expertgasman
OP: Are you serious? Why TF would anyone ask for legal advice on a DIY forum!?
It is as daft as imagining that someone would go on daytime TV to air their dirty washing.
It is as daft as imagining that someone would go on daytime TV to air their dirty washing.
Have you been squeezing the toothpaste tube in the middle? I don't mean to sound flippant but something isn't adding up. I ask myself, would I ditch our other half over a kiss? Absolutely no way! In fact I'd be slightly amused. (I'll ignore all the suggestions that it was 'more than just a kiss'.)
This might be closer to the truth than you think. She might not have found somebody else but I strongly suspect that the kiss is just an excuse and her real motive lies elsewhere. Either that or she's possessive to a degree that will ultimately make her impossible to live with. (I've seen this happen the other way round when my sister-in law married a right ar*ehole. They were divorced soon after.)
Only you can work out what's really gone wrong and whether it's worth trying to put it right. As for the legal stuff, sorry but I can't help there. Have you tried the CAB?
I don't mean to sound flippant but something isn't adding up. I ask myself, would I ditch our other half over a kiss? Absolutely no way! In fact I'd be slightly amused. (I'll ignore all the suggestions that it was 'more than just a kiss'.)Terrywookfit said:
This might be closer to the truth than you think. She might not have found somebody else but I strongly suspect that the kiss is just an excuse and her real motive lies elsewhere.
Either that or she's possessive to a degree that will ultimately make her impossible to live with. (I've seen this happen the other way round when my sister-in law married a right ar*ehole. They were divorced soon after.)Only you can work out what's really gone wrong and whether it's worth trying to put it right. As for the legal stuff, sorry but I can't help there. Have you tried the CAB?
This is what I was thinking, easy get out? If you are telling the truth then it's a bit over the top, ask her to agree to go to marriage guidance with you, if she doesn't then do you really want to live like this until next time? I wouldn't want to marry anyone blowing hot & cold over a silly drunken issues because I'll walking on egg shell! I don't think anyone is perfect!She might not have found somebody else but I strongly suspect that the kiss is just an excuse and her real motive lies elsewhere.
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Susiejb
Space cat";p="2133578 said:I ask myself, would I ditch our other half over a kiss? Absolutely no way!
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expertgasman
dbaplaya, are you sure that she hasn't got round to going to specsavers?, and she's trying not to hurt your feelings?
Obviously we need to see the photo's.
Now that I've had time to read the whole post more carefully, I'm sticking to my theory that she's not giving you the whole story. I can see at least two areas of potential trouble that might be the real cause of the problem:
Eight years 'together' doesn't necessarily prepare you for the mundane business of sharing a house, hence the old joke about the toothpaste tube, and the fact that you've gutted it certainly won't help. I can remember spending several weeks without a kitchen. We had a microwave, toaster and kettle in a spare bedroom and we washed dishes in the bidet. All in all it wasn't a picnic.
Women can be extraordinarily obsessive about their houses. Maybe she's just got fed up with the whole business and is blaming you for it. We both know that a proper renovation takes time and effort but those who've never stripped old paint back to bare wood can't grasp this. You don't see all that on 'house' programmes where rooms are magically transformed into something that looks like a furniture advert.
And that's a whole new minefield. There's an old joke that goes something like "Women know everything there is to know about their children. Men are vaguely aware of some smaller people also living in the house. " That was me alright. I muddled through somehow, I don't think I was much good as a parent and, contrary to what everybody kept telling me, I found them a lot easier to deal with when they turned into teenagers. Are you a less than enthusiastic parent?
And finally --
I can hardly begrudge her something I've done a few times myself over the last 38 years.
dbaplaya said:
Eight years 'together' doesn't necessarily prepare you for the mundane business of sharing a house, hence the old joke about the toothpaste tube, and the fact that you've gutted it certainly won't help. I can remember spending several weeks without a kitchen. We had a microwave, toaster and kettle in a spare bedroom and we washed dishes in the bidet. All in all it wasn't a picnic.
Women can be extraordinarily obsessive about their houses. Maybe she's just got fed up with the whole business and is blaming you for it.
We both know that a proper renovation takes time and effort but those who've never stripped old paint back to bare wood can't grasp this. You don't see all that on 'house' programmes where rooms are magically transformed into something that looks like a furniture advert. and also said:
And that's a whole new minefield.
There's an old joke that goes something like "Women know everything there is to know about their children. Men are vaguely aware of some smaller people also living in the house. " That was me alright. I muddled through somehow, I don't think I was much good as a parent and, contrary to what everybody kept telling me, I found them a lot easier to deal with when they turned into teenagers. Are you a less than enthusiastic parent? And finally --
Susiejb said:
I can hardly begrudge her something I've done a few times myself over the last 38 years.
The only ground for divorce is that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. There are five ways, known as the five facts, of demonstrating that the marriage has irretrievably broken down. One of the following has to be proved:-
adultery
unreasonable behaviour
desertion
two years separation with consent
five years separation without consent.
IF the house is in her fathers name(WTF) you will struggle to get a share.
See a solicitor.
adultery
unreasonable behaviour
desertion
two years separation with consent
five years separation without consent.
IF the house is in her fathers name(WTF) you will struggle to get a share.
See a solicitor.
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