Do I tell the wife?

Do I tell the wife

  • Yes

    Votes: 6 75.0%
  • No

    Votes: 2 25.0%

  • Total voters
    8
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Tell her **** all. Set up a separate savings account in your name and do a monthly transfer to that account, not all of the rise but a good chunk.
The chances are that in the future you'll use it to bail her out in any case, maybe if things go well you can surprise her in a few years time with that new kitchen.

If things don't go so well, you'll have an emergency exit fund if you ever need to do a runner.

I'm not trying to be malicious or flippant, I got wiped out financially in my 30's because of a woman. I managed to get back on my feet and more importantly, back on the property ladder. That said, I'll have to work like a Polish plumber well into retirement age.

If you have any doubts whatsoever, it will be a lot better to get out when your 40, rather than 50 or 60.

Good luck whatever route you choose.
 
So yesterday I had my yearly appraisal, it went very well with very little to complain about on both sides

Even better when they discussed the pay rise, which was rather quite significant and much more than I was even dreaming of, especially as there is no added responsibility.

The missus knows there was potentially a pay rise on the cards but a much lower value.

I have so far elected to say nothing, and told her it hasn't happened.

There is 2 reasons, I already pay for most things and still get complained to that things we agreed she would pay she doesn't want to. Last week I had to buy clothes for our son, not a problem but we worked the budget so that we use the child tax credits for that. And this week I asked for money out of the Xmas pot that I put most the money in for, we use the old savings account we had to save for our wedding and she has access to it.(to buy the wife the expensive gift she wants this year) and started getting the 3rd degree of where my money is, (I have it but im trying to save for a new garage door).

There is also talk from her that she wants to reduce her working hours or even give up work and advises I need to earn more money to enable this....

Question is, should I tell her or not?
So you have told the entire internet and you haven't told her - you're going to be in big big trouble lad.
 
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The forum haters will tell you to keep it a secret. It would however be sensible to tell her. It's a very odd relationship you have though.
 
Me? I'm going to do a 'Mottie'. I don't care.
I don't care if you tell your wife or not.
Can we have a 'I don't care' option in the poll?
 
I have told her.

I knew I would deep down as I'm terrible at keeping secrets.

Laid some rules out though and have said the extra cash is going in savings
 
The forum haters will tell you to keep it a secret. It would however be sensible to tell her. It's a very odd relationship you have though.

Yeah it maybe, there's alway more to it though and I've only mentioned the bad bits and they are likely one sided as to how im feeling at the point of time writing it.

On this particular subject I wondered what the consensus would be.
 
Yeah it maybe, there's alway more to it though and I've only mentioned the bad bits and they are likely one sided as to how im feeling at the point of time writing it.

On this particular subject I wondered what the consensus would be.
I don’t think your relationship sounds odd. It’s sounds very similar to the relationships lots of my friends and their wives have.

My wife works full time and has a very good income (though not as much as me, which is good for my old fashioned ego) which means that we’re lucky enough to not worry about money. However, she also spends way more than me on herself and it’s a constant theme of me winding back her spending. She keeps talking about early retirement and me supporting her, and my response is always the same. She can retire when she winds back her spending.
 
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I've always earned a lot more than my wife.
All our money go in the same pot and used as and when needed.
My wife has always looked after the children and the house, I made money for the family.
She worked part time to get out of the house and away from the screaming kids, but she didn't need to, I earned enough.
I never understood families with separate pots, this is mine, this is yours.
How do you keep track of non quantifiable contributions like looking after the kids, do the washing, cooking, cleaning, etc.?
What about taxing the kids around the various activities?
Do you mark how many miles you do for yourself and how many you do for the family?
I have a headache just thinking of this.
I must've been lucky that my wife was never a big spender and still to these days doesn't fancy expensive useless stuff.
Tell your wife about the pay rise and put everything in one pot.
Your relationship should be based on trust, trust that you will also act reasonably with money.
 
I have told her.

I knew I would deep down as I'm terrible at keeping secrets.

Laid some rules out though and have said the extra cash is going in savings
I like splitting the extra when you get a pay rise. Spend some, save some. That way you get to enjoy it but also feel virtuous.
 
I would but the wife and I have a good relationship with each other and money.
We also have our own separate bank accounts - I pay the big bills, she buys most of the day to day foodstuffs and presents. My accountant recommended that when we got married. We also have a separate account to pay the household bills (Council Tax, utilities, insurances, repars) which we both pay into; we started doing that when we first bought a house but not living there / together to ensure we paid equally.

Would hate to be in the position that a workmate was in - his wife referred to his salary as 'Our money', her salary as 'My money', he paid everything in the house.
 
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