Council Job (joke)

[HOGGY952]

A guy applies to the council for a job.
Interviewer asks 'Are you allergic to anything?' 'Yes, caffeine', he says.

'Are you disabled in anyway?' 'Yes', he replies, 'I was in the army & a bomb exploded near me & blew my t***icles off'.

Interviewer - 'Ok your hired. Hours are 8 till 3 but you can start at 10 everyday'.

Guy asks 'why 10?' Interviewer- 'this is a council job, 1st 2 hours we stand drinking coffee & scratching our b******ks so no point you coming in for that'

 

[andrew1210]

 

[dextrous]

Many a true word is said in jest

 

[ColJack]

you're not wrong..
my cousin's husband drives a digger for the council..
he was working down the road on wednesday and came and parked outside my house at about 13:00 and gave me a call..
I took him out a cuppa and we stood about talking for an hour ( me thinking he was on his lunch break ).
about 14:00 he said, "right that's killed some time, I can go back to the yard now and play darts until four and then go home.."
next day I get a call from him at 10 ish asking if he can use my khazi as he was desperate..
after he did his thing, he said "we'll that's me done for the day, I only had to put down a bucket of tarmac"..
so I asked him why didn't he do it on wednesday afternoon if it was only an hours work?
he replied "then they'd send me to another job today.."

 

[HOGGY952]

you're not wrong..
my cousin's husband drives a digger for the council..
he was working down the road on wednesday and came and parked outside my house at about 13:00 and gave me a call..
I took him out a cuppa and we stood about talking for an hour ( me thinking he was on his lunch break ).
about 14:00 he said, "right that's killed some time, I can go back to the yard now and play darts until four and then go home.."
next day I get a call from him at 10 ish asking if he can use my khazi as he was desperate..
after he did his thing, he said "we'll that's me done for the day, I only had to put down a bucket of tarmac"..
so I asked him why didn't he do it on wednesday afternoon if it was only an hours work?
he replied "then they'd send me to another job today.."

ask him if theres any vacancies lol

 

[dextrous]

I once lived in a house on a road which had paving slabs. Sure, some has cracked, but none protruded to be considered as trip hazards. In fact, they were so good that one teenage lad who lived along the road and who got around on an electric wheelchair, managed to have a good social life playing with friends along the street. The kerb had sunk (or the road been resurfaced) over the years so that there was a negligible step, and the lad in question was able to cross the road (it was a quiet road) wherever he wanted, which was useful to navigate through parked cars. These parked cars never straddled onto the pavement in a parked position.

Do we get the picture? Harmonious and safe.

So, along came directed works to relay the pavement - took them 6 weeks (during which time the lad was mostly housebound or reliant on being pushed around in a chair with big wheels, since the surface was untenable for his wheelchair). The kerb edge was raised approx 4-6 inches along the full length of both sides of the road, apart from the at the end of the road, and just outside the lad's house. Finally the pavement was completed- tarmac.

So, for the sake of keeping some directed works, er, "workers" busy, they completed a completely unneccessary and undesirable task, and made life hard for someone who benefitted from the status quo.

On another level, the road lost most of it's aesthetic charm, and was much harder to physically park on since before the new pavement, drivers could use the flatness of the kerb to help straighten out their car, if you catch my meaning.

 

[crank39]

Blimey thats a far cry from a job i used to have, not council but solaglas.

Get up in the morning, log in via PDA and download the days work, acknowledge each job by ticking a box and submit to head office. Re-arrange all you AM and PM jobs to suit you.

Jump in van, god forbid if you were late starting, vehicle is tracked and they know the exact time the ignition was turned.

Pick a job and click on the 'en-route' box so head office can see which job you are on the way to.

Get to job and click the 'on site' box.

Get job done at customers house, fill out the 'job complete' section on the PDA and submit, head office instantly know that the job is finished.

On to the next job and repeat the above depending how many jobs they have booked in for you, usually 6

After finishing all jobs ring head office to see if any jobs have come in during the day in the area that your in that they want you to do, bear in mind this will already be coming up to 5pm and your last job was 2 hrs away from home, set off for home hoping they don't ring you with a call out.

Get home and log off and put PDA in its cradle.

Next morning it all starts again, but you might get a call from the transport manager asking for an explanation why you where doing 80mph on the motorway, tracker is set to auto print a report off if you go over 70mph.

Then you get a call from you line manager wanting to know why you were still at home at 8am yesterday, why did you re-arranged your jobs yesterday, why did you wait till you got to the next job before submiting the last job as complete, why why why why why all bloody day.

Glad im outta there

Wish i worked for the council

 

[dextrous]

Wish i worked for the council

It's a bit like some saying how sad they eventually become after winning the lottery. Or like when you go on holiday abroad somewhere, and get that restless feeling after the fist week, wanting to come home now the novelty has worn off. Fun for a bit, but after a while.....


If you got a council job, you really would struggle to find things to do in your spare time "at work"

 

[holmslaw]

If you got a council job, you really would struggle to find things to do in your spare time "at work"

Why don't council workers look out of the window in the morning?

Because they would have nothing to do in the afternoon.

I once worked for a council, they only had two rules, you must not be late in the morning and you could not go home early. The fact that between these two points you did SFA was way over their heads.

 

[gregers]

had to laugh today,walked past a couple of contractors(working for the council)
now about 2 weeks ago someone put a few cones round a wonky paving slab,1 of those big buggers,today it was on the back of there wagon and they were pouring in the hole a couple of bags of tarmac.now WHY?when all they needed to do was lay some sand down and level the slab.
AND why were they doing this when in the road approx 10 yds away were quite a few bloody big pot holes that imo needed filling.oh how to waste money.