Did they really say this??

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Harry Carpenter at the Oxford-Cambridge boat race 1977 - "Ah, isn't that
nice. The wife of the Cambridge President is kissing the Cox of the Oxford
crew."

Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I
once rode her mother."

New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens loves it when Daryl Gibson comes inside of him."

Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

Michael Burke on watching Phillipa Forrester cuddle up to a male
astronomer for warmth during BBC1's UK eclipse coverage remarked: "They seem cold out there, they're rubbing each other and he's only come in his shorts."

Ken Brown commentating on golfer Nick Faldo and his caddie Fan ny Sunneson lining-up shots at the Scottish Open: "Some weeks Nick likes to use Fan ny, other weeks he prefers to do it by himself."

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen
Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World
Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he
wished he had a hard on now."

Chris Tarrant discussing the first
Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising
fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

'Winning Post's' Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's
formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Phil Redmond: "Well Phil, tell us about your amazing third leg."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

Clair Frisby talking about a jumbo hot dog on Look North said: "There's
nothing like a big hot sausage inside you on a cold night like this."

James Allen interviewing Ralf Schumacher at a Grand Prix, asked: "What
does it feel like being rammed up the backside by Barrichello?"

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today
after a 69."

The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My word," he said. "Look at that magnificent erection."

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them ... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven
Dicks on the field."

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my trainee on why he arrived late after his trying to get his moped out of his girlfriends rear garden with some trouble

"my girlfriends got a really big thick bush and it was so tight her dad had to help me get it in"

I was laughing all day about that :LOL: :LOL:
 
I have a friend who, at the sight of a sumptuous cold meat salad, exclaimed: Ooh, tongue - I haven't had that for ages!
 
Softus said:
I have a friend who, at the sight of a sumptuous cold meat salad, exclaimed: Ooh, tongue - I haven't had that for ages!
is that what they call it these days ? ;)
 
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My mother-in-law after watching the news, "Let's have it off now!"
 
Work collegue of my when relating how he'd had a close shave with a lorry whilst cycling to work exclaimed how he "was nearly sucked off by a lorry driver this morning"

Or the immortal Brain Johnston "The batsman's Holding, the bowler's Willy"
 
Train station announcement: Please stand clear of the platform, or you may get sucked off.

<stands extra close to the platforms edge>


:LOL:

(fans of peter kay will be familiar with this one) ;)
 
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