some more one liners and jokes from jimmy carr:
I just saw that Harry Potter film. A bit unrealistic if you ask
me. I mean, a ginger kid, with two friends?
A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a d!ldo flies
out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to
spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and
says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the
ground with a d#ck like that."
I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I
pushed him in front of a steam train.
He was chuffed to bits.
When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of
the kids.
Took her out with one punch.
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
"It's worth spending money on good speakers," he told me.
A woman brings eight-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother
that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her
eight-year-old daughter.
Johnny's mother says, "Let's not be too harsh on them....
they are bound to be curious about 5ex at that age."
"Curious about 5ex?" replies Mary's mother. "He's taken her
appendix out!"
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and seen a bloke
hiding behind a gravestone. I said "morning."
He replied, "No, just having a sh1t."
Disabled toilets. Ironically, the only toilets big enough to
run around in.
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pick
pocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
