Grieving

[Gasman28]

Dex, my sincere condolences to you and your family.
11 years ago, my only brother was diagnosed with Leukaemia and his only way forward was to have Chemo and a bone marrow transplant.
As a sibling, I had various tests ( needles - yuk ) and found that we were 100% compatable. I spent two sessions of fours hours each, on a Stem cell machine and had a bone marrow operation to give to my brother.
Unfortunately, it didn't take 100%, but he survived a further four years, of which, I am really greatful. I think about him every day and often shed a tear, especially on his birthday and the day he died.
Last December, my Dad died of a heart attack and as with so many other people, reality kicks in. You must remember the good times that you had together - silly jokes, days out, holidays etc etc etc. Nothing upon nothing will ever erase the memories that you shared together and nor should it. I remember the day that my brother died - 5 o'clock in the morning. I was called by the Hospice earlier to say ' get here ASAP ' but I was too late. I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. That hurts. Your Brother would have said goodbye for you and that counts.

As EddieM said, don't be afraid to talk to her. I am not religious either, but raise a glass or maybe several to my brother and now my Dad, to say thanks guys, good to have known you. Your special and that's how I want to remember you. Don't ever be afraid to talk to complete strangers, either on a forum such as this, or to someone else. Trust me, it helps.
Also, the words of Conny ring 100% true. Remember your Mum and carry on with pride.
Thinking of you mate - we are here if you need us.
Take care.

 

[seco services]

sorry to hear that dextrous only just seen the post.

 

[Mike2007]

My mun died at 84 just 3 years ago. Six months after that my brother was diagnosed with cancer, he died 18 months later.
I had a head on car accident where I was only person to survive (same day as tsunami)

My advice is remember with love the ones that have passed on, but feel sorrow for those that are alive but seem dead!

I LOVE life myself, its the only one I have.

 

[dextrous]

Sorry about that Mike. I'm not quite at the stage of thinking like that just yet - it'll come though (if I don't believe that, I might as well throw the towel in now)

 

[Mike2007]

Sorry about that Mike. I'm not quite at the stage of thinking like that just yet - it'll come though (if I don't believe that, I might as well throw the towel in now)

Hope my lot did not sound too depressing, just wanted you to know I know just what your feeling in grief. Life's a rollercoaster, you just got to climb out of the low points.

 

[dextrous]

Far from it Mike - it highlights the power of recovery from personal tragedies. Time is a great healer, and my frequency and depth of weeping has begun to subside.

 

[obmcfc]

Thank you all for your continued support and understanding. Spent the day sorting out the paperwork and funeral arrangements.

She died in Coventry, and we considered a cremation there, but there's something about the city that wasn't right for us. So, instead, will have the funeral up in North Wales (where she was born and brought up). It's been a long and strange day, but it's good to feel that something has been done, which I think she would have liked and appreciated.

Dex it will get better, the pain will ease and the happy memories will override the pain.

We had discussion about where to bury my mum from (family home or funeral parlour). I didn't want it from family home as sister still lives there and would have to live with the thought of coffin going out the door. We decided on funeral home and the one we picked had chapel of rest on the actual street my mum was born in in 1928 and spent all of her childhood there so kinda was going from home.

In my thoughts and prayers Dex

 

[kirkgas]

how are you tonight Dex?

 

[dextrous]

how are you tonight Dex?

Tired - the battery is flat and I'm sick of feeling like this! When a bit of energy comes my way, it's ok for a bit then leads to an outbreak of tears, then a doze, and away we go again. At least it's not as overwhelming as the first couple of days.

One thing this forum has highlighted is that here we are, "hard-nosed professionals" in our fields, argumentative, curt, scathing at times etc; but when push comes to shove human nature rises above all of this - perhaps more surprising as we are hardly ever likely to physically meet. I hope that the casual readers of this thread have noted what nice people there are who contribute regularly.

 

[ColJack]

hasn't really hit me yet, but then again it was my nan, not a parent..

I have no illusions though.. when that curtain closes on friday, I'll be a blubbering wreck..

 

[dextrous]

hasn't really hit me yet, but then again it was my nan, not a parent..

I have no illusions though.. when that curtain closes on friday, I'll be a blubbering wreck..

I'll be thinking of you.

 

[roughcaster]

Sincere condolences to you and yours Dex.

Roughcaster.

 

[Blasphemous]

Losing our loved ones (death), teaches us things Dex. The main lesson is obvious, Time is so precious.

To both you and ColJack I'd like to remind you of what conny stated earlier in the thread (below). On the day of the funeral when you are travelling to the funeral you will probably notice people walking about, going about their business, children playing, people chatting, laughing perhaps and you will quite rightly be thinking 'these people are going about enjoying their lives and yet here I am on possibly the worst day of my life'. It all seems so unfair. It makes you realise how insignificant we all are. But in time you'll realise it's right. People should enjoy their lives, after all, time is precious! I think conny's words say it all really so I'll shut up.

People in your situation often wonder how others can get on with their lives while yours seems to have been shattered, I certainly did. You want to scream at them, "My Mum/Dad has died how can you just carry on?"
But you don't and eventually it will pass. Hold on to your memories, they are the things that no one can take from you, and be thankful that she was YOUR Mum. I have no doubt she instilled a sense of pride and worth in yourself that has helped to make you what you are today. You can honour her memory by carrying on that tradition and passing it on to your kids/grandkids.
Don't be afraid to show your feelings and learn to talk about her as though she is still with you because she always will be.

 

[EddieM]

You have to bear in mind, that all the happy smiling faces that you see in your time of grief are exactly what all parents strive to achieve, hence the likes of your mum, and all other mums have succeeded in their goal.

Also, bear in mind, that if you are a parent yourself, you accept and of course hope to hell that you go before your kids, that's the way it is and rightly so. I know that doesn't ease the pain one jot, but stay strong, I'll be thinking of you.

 

[ColJack]

so today was Nan's funeral..

I was a pillar of strength right up until my brothers youngest got up to read a letter she had written to Nan..

there wasn't a dry eye in the place... and I hadn't thought to bring a hankie..

so as a tip, and I'm almost certain it's not something you would normaly think about, I would have a basket by the door of those packs of disposable hankies..

you'd think that in a crematiorium they would have a couple laid out on the seats of the pews... include them inthe price..