Child's behaviour... (Sorry for long post)

[sxturbo]

My boy started school in September, he was super excited, and seemed to settle in quickly, it was a bit of a shock for him the the first full week because his school for some reason do 2 weeks of half days before then switching to full days.

Before starting school he was at nursery from 7.30 till 6pm, so we thought he would be ok going full time school.

Over the past couple of weeks we have had calls from the school regarding his behaviour,

The first call we got was he wanted to go on the balance bike but a boy named Henry was on it, so my boy decided he had enough of waiting his turn and promptly pushed him off the bike and jumped on it. The school told us that this wasn't the first time he's had issues with the bike with my boy deciding it was his bike and no one else's. We jumped on this very quickly and he knows he has to share and he is well used to it. This appears to be resolved.

Then we got a call that he was being disruptive in class when the teacher was reading a story, and point blank refused to listen so ended up having a time out. We have had a word about this, it's still an issue but not to the same extent and is wholly dependent on whether he is interested in the subject matter.

Then we got a call about a child that wet themselves in class, and my boy grabbed the boys coat that was hanging up and started to mop up the pee with it, this was mis placed helpfulness imo, but the teacher didn't see it as such.

Yesterday he punched a girl in the stomach as he was leaving the food hall

And today he pushed a table in the food hall into a child hurting there stomach.

The school has now referred him to a behavioural specialist they have at the school.

Both me and my wife are dumb founded, everyone else always complements his behaviour and he is mostly good at home ( the odd bad behaviour but he is 4.5 it's to be expected).

Each time we get a call from the school we do make a point with our son and he loses TV privilege, tablet privilege and no sugary treat (usually a biscuit before bed). We explain to him that he has done wrong aswell.

We encourage good behaviour by using a star chart, when he fills the box with stars he gets a treat, this is usually on a weekly basis and will involve us going out for the day, or a new toy, or just out for lunch. When he is naughty/doesn't listen he loses stars. We find this works quite well at home, and have carried it to include school aswell, but it doesn't seem to work at school.

We feel terrible as parents and don't know what else we can do, and the school is making us feel like we are failing.

Part of me thinks it's just a 4 year old thing, and I'm sure he isn't the only child who has phone calls home, as our boy was bitten quite badly on a finger last week.

He has also on a couple of ocassion got star stickers for doing really good work/helping/listening, so he can't be all that bad, and he is regularly coming home and teaching me.and my wife about what he has been learning, he was doing maths the other day, adding and subtracting, and today he was telling us all about alliteration, so he is clearly learning and understanding.

Anyone else had something similar with their kids?

 

[ellal]

My boy started school in September, he was super excited, and seemed to settle in quickly, it was a bit of a shock for him the the first full week because his school for some reason do 2 weeks of half days before then switching to full days.

Before starting school he was at nursery from 7.30 till 6pm, so we thought he would be ok going full time school.

Different schools do things differently, but the initial half days are usually for the younger kids in the school year starting out, and some schools do it as long as half a term.
It tends to be a blanket rule, regardless of how many hours in a day they may have spent in a nursery.

Anyone else had something similar with their kids?

Didn't have a problem with ours per se, but there was the odd disruptive kid in first/second year classes. They seemed to be the younger ones in the year as age differential is bigger at 4-6 than later on, and can thus affect behaviour temporarily.

Probably why so many other European countries don't start formal school until age 6.

Now this goes back a long way, all the way to birthing classes in fact where we met and are still friends with two couples.
One couple had a 'difficult' child, and as much as the child has be taught to change how they go about things, so do the parents. They confided in us regularly, because they thought they had somehow screwed up.

But if there is a behavioural problem it's best assessed early. And if you feel that the school is making you feel like you are failing, then talk to them honestly but firmly.

Above all don't blame yourselves if you are doing what the vast majority of parents do, which is your best.
(btw, you've kind of shown that by posting this!)

PS. Said 'difficult' child graduated from Uni with a 2.1

Good luck.

 

[Notch7]

I would guess it may be developmental bad behaviour

children lack verbal skills to deal with their emotions…..true for some adults too

for many kids, hitting, pushing and yelling are the best problem solving skills they have at their fingertips


I don’t have kids so no personal experience, but I come from a family of teachers so some of this stuff rubs off.

 

[johnny2007]

It's a 4 year old child.
It's absolutely normal behaviour.
Don't let anybody foul you into thinking your child has a named condition.
There's a lot of financial benefits for the school to label children.
One school close by us has 2/3 of children registered as having learning difficulties; is this possible???
I've had direct experience with schools trying to label children and I resisted.
Then the same children grew up to be adults of exceptional standard.
Don't worry, he's only 4 and his behaviour is normal.
I would be worried if he followed all rules blindly like a sheep.

 

[big-all]

i would be asking the school what they suggest and what help they can offer
you need to stress this is behaviour he has never displayed ever before in any situation
and throw the ball a bit into there court suggesting the trigger must be at there end and they possibly have to invest a bit more time and effort to help find the cause
say it in a concerned but not in a way seen to blame them but coming from a parent at there wits end ??
is there any other schools near by as a alternative ??

 

[Notch7]

Don't let anybody foul you into thinking your child has a named condition

I agree.

the fact your son can be easily reasoned with and also he clearly is learning well, indicates balanced behaviour.

I’m sure you’ve already ruled out the obvious…hearing difficulty, eyesight, speech, hyperactivity etc.

 

[Justin Passing]

Sounds like he's well onto the spectrum. This is serious. Oh no. It's a particularly bad case of little boy syndrome. Needs a visit from Mrs Do as you would be done by.


"The school has now referred him to a behavioural specialist they have at the school." Well that sounds encouraging. He sounds bright enough to learn he shouldn't do things he wouldn't want done to him.
I'd try not to worry and expect him to get over it with the guidance he's getting from you and the school. Good luck.

 

[johnny2007]

This "behaviour specialist".
Ask to see their credential and gmc registration.
I guarantee they won't have any.
It's all a scam to milk money out of the dfe.

 

[securespark]

Part of me thinks it's just a 4 year old thing, and I'm sure he isn't the only child who has phone calls home, as our boy was bitten quite badly on a finger last week.

Perhaps him being bitten is a factor?

 

[Brigade77]

This "behaviour specialist".
Ask to see their credential and gmc registration.
I guarantee they won't have any.
It's all a scam to milk money out of the dfe.

THIS.

I've yet to meet a child who can be Jekyll & Hyde between the school environment & everywhere else & the parents not be aware of any behaviour issues.

 

[Bodgedbuild]

My son was disruptive for a little while in lower school and it turned out that he had fallen to pier pressure from a kid that all the boys were scared of. He was literally getting my son to carry out bad tasks for him! We only found out by keep asking him what on earth he was doing and eventually he burst into tears and told us that "Kaiden made me do it".
We asked one of the other mum's from the school that we are close friends with and she asked her two boys about Kaiden and they confirmed exactly what my son had said, he was literally using my boy to do his naughty dirty work. It took a few meetings with the school but they eventually overheard Kaiden telling my son, in a threatening way, that he had to push another child off the climbing frame.
The school took action on the boy and called his father in (he lost his mother to cancer) and we thought that would be the end of it. Unfortunately Kaiden's father took exception to his son being found to be a bully and came around my house and threatened me. It all got a bit messy but we involved the police and they moved away from the village shortly after. Remarkably the behavior of several children got markedly better once Kaiden had left the school.

 

[Justin Passing]

They are pretty low-paid. MOst focus on Autism, which I guess is biggest.
https://uk.indeed.com/Behaviour-Specialist-jobs?vjk=ac76a8f450f9df3a

There are some at £60 ish a day. Less than a supermarket delivery driver.
Oh well, worth a try.

 

[Justin Passing]

My son was disruptive for a little while in lower school and it turned out that he had fallen to pier pressure from a kid that all the boys were scared of. He was literally getting my son to carry out bad tasks for him! We only found out by keep asking him what on earth he was doing and eventually he burst into tears and told us that "Kaiden made me do it".
We asked one of the other mum's from the school that we are close friends with and she asked her two boys about Kaiden and they confirmed exactly what my son had said, he was literally using my boy to do his naughty dirty work. It took a few meetings with the school but they eventually overheard Kaiden telling my son, in a threatening way, that he had to push another child off the climbing frame.
The school took action on the boy and called his father in (he lost his mother to cancer) and we thought that would be the end of it. Unfortunately Kaiden's father took exception to his son being found to be a bully and came around my house and threatened me. It all got a bit messy but we involved the police and they moved away from the village shortly after. Remarkably the behavior of several children got markedly better once Kaiden had left the school.

Bóllócking should go to the school for disclosing names.

 

[Bodgedbuild]

Bóllócking should go to the school for disclosing names.

The teacher of the class involved has recently been told he has to resign (or face disciplinary action) for unrelated but serious breaches of GDPR, he was literally slagging off the pupils and parents to other to other children's parents. It's a very small school so only 3 teachers and all of the parents have each teachers mobile number. He got caught out by making some very rude and personal remarks about the way a family conduct their lives but he sent his text to the actual people he was slagging off by mistake!

 

[Notch7]

Perhaps him being bitten is a factor?

Rabies?