Child's behaviour... (Sorry for long post)

[charliegolf]

A few other tips...

• Don't ask him about his behaviour when he's collected.
• Don't fish for goss on bad behaviour in others.
• Do ask if he had a nice day, why, best bits.
• 'Catch' him being good at home, note it without showing your hand.
• Do challenge any challenges to your authority at home, but maybe use your disappointment as 'the sanction' rather than 'taking' something away (until you really have to).

I suspect all will be well if there remains a genuine partnership with the school.

CG
20 years a primary head (Retd)

 

[johnny2007]

Somebody must have pointed out that some of those behaviours fit pretty well with one of the boxes "experts" like to put people in - ADHD, and you've probably visited this page: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/ .
I see a few matches with your lad in the first paragraphs there.
That would be good and bad at once. Nobody likes being boxed, we're all different, but some of the help for that may help you. "They" say it may start at age 5 so he's early. A tiny dose of one of the drugs may help calm him - if so, then ok. Not what you'd want but they can help normalise things. I've been taking a mild antidepressant for decades, which is incredibly common. If I stop, I start to notice life gives me "unwanted stimuli"!

I'd say it's time to plumb the depths of the NHS, there are some very good people to help. The parents with severest problems have kids with errm, mental deficiencies of one sort or another, which doesn't sound like it applies in your case. But is there any thing he avoids - numbers, bright colours, loud noises, I'd expect you to be asked. Is there anything which makes things worse - you know, caffeine etc etc?
It will pass, these things generally do, but it sounds like you're on a journey. Most people will be only wanting the best and will do all they can. There be a tw@t here or there though - there always is.
If it's nothing like adhd then you'll be told pretty quickly. The NHS bless em are also keen to NOT do anything much if they can, unlike say in the USA.

I'd poke the monster - see your GP. You're not making a fuss, you'd be doing the reponsible thing - checking with the best people, rather than those well-meaning yobs on a web forum!

Good luck mate, nobody said kids woz easy .

Whatever you do, don't let the NHS convince you that your child needs brain dumbing pills.
Those are extremely dangerous drugs, even at very low dosage.
The fact gps have been prescribing them like sweets in the past few years, don't make them ok, especially for a child showing perfectly normal behaviour.
I have direct experience with children, now adults, being labelled as having all sorts of behavioral and learning difficulties.
They're all, ALL OF THEM, responsible adults, with a good place in society, families, some of them graduated, many speaking other languages and all trustworthy people you can count on to get things done.
100% is not a bad statistic.
Don't get fooled and don't give your child any pills.
The only people benefiting from that are the pharmaceutical companies.

 

[charliegolf]

Whatever you do, don't let the NHS convince you that your child needs brain dumbing pills.

FFS, shut up about pills, everone. Massive red herring. Ignore any talk of it.

 

[johnny2007]

FFS, shut up about pills, everone. Massive red herring. Ignore any talk of it.

I'm against them in case it wasn't clear.

 

[diy_fun_uk]

Whether the stuff about organisations making money out of this is or isn't true, I wouldn't class things such as pushing people off bikes and punching other kids in the stomach as 'normal' behavior, even for that age range. Yes, of course it goes on, however it's not normal behavior.

 

[johnny2007]

Whether the stuff about organisations making money out of this is or isn't true, I wouldn't class things such as pushing people off bikes and punching other kids in the stomach as 'normal' behavior, even for that age range. Yes, of course it goes on, however it's not normal behavior.

Many moons ago you were a weirdo if you didn't do it.

 

[Justin Passing]

Mere survival isn't necessarily the optimum outcome.
"Managing without" isn't clever.

Docs have nothing to gain by telling you something's off kilter if it isn't. They aren't corrupt & uncaring.

You can always get a second opinion. You don't have to take their advice. Who would you rather trust, a conspiracy theorist on a web forum?

Could be your lad's teacher is highly experienced and giving you sage advice - or maybe just annoyed and over enthusiastic.
How about a phone appt with your doc - they're keen on those! Make a list of what you want to say. Any experienced doctor would have heard it all before. If not they'll know someone better placed. They may say forget it that's all perfectly normal, which I'm sure would be a relief for you.
There's a long list of things you wouldn't hesitate to use drugs for if the chemistry is a bit off. May be only temporarily. When I was small I was scared of flying, a hay-fever pill calmed me down - not a big deal, not a deal at all.

If talking with him in a particular way as charliegolf suggests, helps, there will be folk to help with that - you & I are not experts.

 

[Justin Passing]

Many moons ago you were a weirdo if you didn't do it.

This isn't the 19th century.

 

[ellal]

One thing possibly worth considering as we have noticed this about our own grandchild and this could apply to most kids of that age is that for a significant percentage of their young lives so far, they have had little or no interaction with other children due to the pandemic/social distancing/lockdown. This must surely have some bearing on their ability for learning to interact and behave with others of the same age?

A good point

 

[sxturbo]

Threads escalating a bit....

I'm not seeing the gp just yet. And I don't think pills are the answer.

Will speak to the school next week... Parent and teacher evening.

As it happens today he got 2 stickers for excellent behaviour today...

Very Jekyll and Hyde

 

[sxturbo]

Whether the stuff about organisations making money out of this is or isn't true, I wouldn't class things such as pushing people off bikes and punching other kids in the stomach as 'normal' behavior, even for that age range. Yes, of course it goes on, however it's not normal behavior.

Pushing people off a toy or snatching a toy they want is pretty normal for a child.

The punching the stomach thing maybe not, but he thinks it's a game as he does it to me at home when we're messing. I am making a point of no longer play fighting with him to see if this helps stop the behaviour.

I believe he's just pushing boundaries, he very much does things without thinking what may happen as a consequence, again he's only 4.5.

 

[Mottie]

The punching the stomach thing maybe not, but he thinks it's a game as he does it to me at home when we're messing.

As does my Grandson! Not so bad when you know it’s coming but if he creeps up on you………

 

[sxturbo]

As does my Grandson! Not so bad when you know it’s coming but if he creeps up on you………

Lol, yeah

 

[securespark]

He doesn't go hypo with sweets or caffeine (though most caffeine he's ever had is a cup of milky tea, he doesn't have coffee or anything).

Coke?
Chocolate?
100g of milk chocolate contains 45mg of caffeine, about the same as a cup of tea.

There is a boy called John my lad was telling me this morning who he and his friends don't like playing with and avoid if they can who goes round slapping everyone on the head and face. But he's never been the target of my boys out bursts.

I was thinking the other way round, that your lad may be subject to others' outbursts and this may make him lash out.

For what it's worth, we learnt to praise our boys every time they behaved in a positive way: shared things, helped, did what they were asked, etc....

This seemed to help.

 

[transam]

Bloke I used to work with

his brother had 6 children and they were all on some syndrome medication

he got X amount paid a week to him per child because of it

one time a day you had well behaved children

children that were badly behaved and some thing in the middle ?

now they all have some syndrome
Diagnosed by some £300 an hour expert

win win situation because now it’s nowt to do with parenting it’s all some syndrome

every thing is some one else’s fault or some syndrome caused by eating Big Macs 7 days a week or mobile phone micro waves

etc etc