Not so much a disaster, more of a simple task which made a mountain range out of a single mole hill.
Job involved changing a large single pane rotten window. Knowing the replacement window was going to cost an arm and two legs, I didn’t want anything to go wrong.
I therefore took more measurements than it probably took to build the Eiffel Tower, but it was essential. The last thing I wanted was the embarrassment of having a few friends drive down to lend a hand, and have a hole in the wall and a window frame to big to fit in it!
So with ninety five percent of my measurements being the same, I ordered the window and waited for its delivery a fortnight later. Once delivered I plonked it in the hallway and left it for about two weeks. It wasn’t as if I didn’t have the time to fit it, I just didn’t want to measure it in case something was wrong. One evening after a few beers and plenty of Dutch courage the frame was measured and all was well.
The fitting day was here and so were our friends who had driven a few hundred miles to ours. All the tools were lined up ready to tackle the big monster. First task was to remove the beading and mouldy putty which literally fell to pieces as I prised it from the glass. With it going this smoothly I thought we’d easily have plenty of time to celebrate at the pub afterwards.
Next was getting the glass out. I was advised to cut the glass into strips rather than try and get the window out in one. I was keen on this idea given the glass was 4.5ft x 8ft and would have weighed a ton. The glass cutter tool however seemed not to be so keen. It made more noise than you’d imagine hearing from a cat being tortured, but it didn’t even make a scratch, let alone cut into the glass.
Frustrated, I opened my second beer and announced there was no other choice, everyone should stand well clear as what I was about to do was going to shatter the glass into a million pieces. So with everyone standing well back I ran inside the room and hurled a 15lb sledgehammer at the centre of the glass window.
Now I was expecting many things, but seeing the hammer bounce off and land near my feet without leaving a mark wasn’t one of them! It took another throw before the glass eventually gave up and fell out of the frame in one piece. One thing was for sure, it didn’t stay in one piece after it hit the concrete path
The next thing was to remove the rest of the wooden frame. All went relatively smooth due to most of it being rotten and full of woodlice. The top however was a different story. Knowing this probably acted as a lintel for the thirty odd soldier bricks above, I was relieved to see a gap between those and the frame. Well, I knew the sooner it was done the quicker we’d be off to the pub for a nice meal and a couple of beers. So out came the saw, quickly followed by the top of the wooden frame. By the time we had gone inside to bring out the new window the row of soldier bricks had started marching towards Australia. It wasn’t much more than a half inch in the middle but I knew it wouldn’t allow the new window to go in. Not wanting the bricks to fall we quickly built a frame under them to take the weight. Once this was done I thought I’d tap the far right brick to see how strong it was….turned out it wasn’t! It was as if I’d given them all an order to drop mortar and run….as one by one they each plonked themselves on the frame below. I was not a happy bunny!
After being comforted by another beer I thought we’d put the new window in and go to the pub to drown my sorrows. Surprisingly the window fitted and went in like a dream. All I needed to do then was put in all four pieces of glass and off we’d go. I put the small glass in first knowing the beading would be the hardest Second and third panels went well too!. Went to put the last one in and stood there in total disbelief as it appeared to be far too big. I mean it was at least a full inch too wide. I contacted the window company and said the glass doesn’t fit. The guy there said that’s not uncommon…you probably just need to turn it. It was then I mentioned it’s not square, it’s rectangle so turning it wont make any difference!!!! Turns out there was an error at the factory. By the time I had blocked up the missing glass and put a tarpaulin over the top of the window, the day was gone.
I would have loved to have said this is where my bad day ended but I’d be lying. After such a day I was looking forward to a nice hot meal and a drink. Although the pub we went to was open….they somehow managed to cook everyone’s meal except mine which got lost in the processing stage! I stormed to the bar and……politely ordered two more pints of cold beer….the rest of the evening is a bit of a blur
Job involved changing a large single pane rotten window. Knowing the replacement window was going to cost an arm and two legs, I didn’t want anything to go wrong.
I therefore took more measurements than it probably took to build the Eiffel Tower, but it was essential. The last thing I wanted was the embarrassment of having a few friends drive down to lend a hand, and have a hole in the wall and a window frame to big to fit in it!
So with ninety five percent of my measurements being the same, I ordered the window and waited for its delivery a fortnight later. Once delivered I plonked it in the hallway and left it for about two weeks. It wasn’t as if I didn’t have the time to fit it, I just didn’t want to measure it in case something was wrong. One evening after a few beers and plenty of Dutch courage the frame was measured and all was well.
The fitting day was here and so were our friends who had driven a few hundred miles to ours. All the tools were lined up ready to tackle the big monster. First task was to remove the beading and mouldy putty which literally fell to pieces as I prised it from the glass. With it going this smoothly I thought we’d easily have plenty of time to celebrate at the pub afterwards.
Next was getting the glass out. I was advised to cut the glass into strips rather than try and get the window out in one. I was keen on this idea given the glass was 4.5ft x 8ft and would have weighed a ton. The glass cutter tool however seemed not to be so keen. It made more noise than you’d imagine hearing from a cat being tortured, but it didn’t even make a scratch, let alone cut into the glass.
Frustrated, I opened my second beer and announced there was no other choice, everyone should stand well clear as what I was about to do was going to shatter the glass into a million pieces. So with everyone standing well back I ran inside the room and hurled a 15lb sledgehammer at the centre of the glass window.
Now I was expecting many things, but seeing the hammer bounce off and land near my feet without leaving a mark wasn’t one of them! It took another throw before the glass eventually gave up and fell out of the frame in one piece. One thing was for sure, it didn’t stay in one piece after it hit the concrete path
The next thing was to remove the rest of the wooden frame. All went relatively smooth due to most of it being rotten and full of woodlice. The top however was a different story. Knowing this probably acted as a lintel for the thirty odd soldier bricks above, I was relieved to see a gap between those and the frame. Well, I knew the sooner it was done the quicker we’d be off to the pub for a nice meal and a couple of beers. So out came the saw, quickly followed by the top of the wooden frame. By the time we had gone inside to bring out the new window the row of soldier bricks had started marching towards Australia. It wasn’t much more than a half inch in the middle but I knew it wouldn’t allow the new window to go in. Not wanting the bricks to fall we quickly built a frame under them to take the weight. Once this was done I thought I’d tap the far right brick to see how strong it was….turned out it wasn’t! It was as if I’d given them all an order to drop mortar and run….as one by one they each plonked themselves on the frame below. I was not a happy bunny!
After being comforted by another beer I thought we’d put the new window in and go to the pub to drown my sorrows. Surprisingly the window fitted and went in like a dream. All I needed to do then was put in all four pieces of glass and off we’d go. I put the small glass in first knowing the beading would be the hardest Second and third panels went well too!. Went to put the last one in and stood there in total disbelief as it appeared to be far too big. I mean it was at least a full inch too wide. I contacted the window company and said the glass doesn’t fit. The guy there said that’s not uncommon…you probably just need to turn it. It was then I mentioned it’s not square, it’s rectangle so turning it wont make any difference!!!! Turns out there was an error at the factory. By the time I had blocked up the missing glass and put a tarpaulin over the top of the window, the day was gone.
I would have loved to have said this is where my bad day ended but I’d be lying. After such a day I was looking forward to a nice hot meal and a drink. Although the pub we went to was open….they somehow managed to cook everyone’s meal except mine which got lost in the processing stage! I stormed to the bar and……politely ordered two more pints of cold beer….the rest of the evening is a bit of a blur