Child's behaviour... (Sorry for long post)

[sxturbo]

i would be asking the school what they suggest and what help they can offer
you need to stress this is behaviour he has never displayed ever before in any situation
and throw the ball a bit into there court suggesting the trigger must be at there end and they possibly have to invest a bit more time and effort to help find the cause
say it in a concerned but not in a way seen to blame them but coming from a parent at there wits end ??
is there any other schools near by as a alternative ??

Thanks.

Yeah so there is another couple of schools nearby, but a driveable distance whereas this is walking distance. Personally I wasn't impressed with the school from the start just basic things like putting the wrong dates on the joining letters and cancelling pre school meetings, handed out incorrect information and then back tracking, it doesn't give great first impressions. Speaking to local parents it's a mixed bag some say they think it's good and others say it's terrible, probably a 50/50 split.

My thought process is exactly what you have written, we have a parent teacher evening next week and was going to discuss it then, I know we are going to get beaten up about it.

We have asked the school about their suggestions and they don't have any, essentially it sounds like we are already doing everything they would suggest.

I'm not saying my boy is perfect at home by any means, there is days when he just point blank defies anything we ask, but that's the same with all kids. I would say a good 90% of the time he is good.

He loves helping around the house aswell and gets excited when we allow him to make coffee (using a pod machine) or helps us cook dinner etc. So in our opinion the behaviour shown at school is out of character.

 

[sxturbo]

[

I agree.

the fact your son can be easily reasoned with and also he clearly is learning well, indicates balanced behaviour.

I’m sure you’ve already ruled out the obvious…hearing difficulty, eyesight, speech, hyperactivity etc.

His speech is very good, you say almost any word to him and he can repeat it back almost perfectly, you should hear the dinosaurs he can rattle off, he's always chatting and explaining things. He was telling the child minder how to make an apple crumble the other day.

He's had an eye test, was told everything is fine, his left eye is slightly weaker than the right but optician said it's highly likely to rectify itself.

Hyperactivity, well he does suffer from this, he can get over excited sometimes, especially if he is getting a treat we've promised him like we went to Legoland a while ago and he was just hyper all the way down there showing his excitement. But also when he gets with his friends they kind of all rub off on each other and he gets a bit hyperactive around them, but not in a nasty way that I've seen, (though this may be some of the not listening)

He doesn't like learning in the traditional sense either, he is very much a physical learner.

 

[johnny2007]

[


His speech is very good, you say almost any word to him and he can repeat it back almost perfectly, you should hear the dinosaurs he can rattle off, he's always chatting and explaining things. He was telling the child minder how to make an apple crumble the other day.

He's had an eye test, was told everything is fine, his left eye is slightly weaker than the right but optician said it's highly likely to rectify itself.

Hyperactivity, well he does suffer from this, he can get over excited sometimes, especially if he is getting a treat we've promised him like we went to Legoland a while ago and he was just hyper all the way down there showing his excitement. But also when he gets with his friends they kind of all rub off on each other and he gets a bit hyperactive around them, but not in a nasty way that I've seen, (though this may be some of the not listening)

He doesn't like learning in the traditional sense either, he is very much a physical learner.

This is all normal behaviour.

 

[sxturbo]

This is all normal behaviour.

yes thats my thoughts.

 

[Lower]

Anyone else had something similar with their kids?

When my son started school we had something similar. Some of the children knew each other from nursery and were all ready friends. Our son's way of trying to make friends was to physically push them until they let him join in their games. Unsurprisingly, being pushed upset some of the other children.

The school were very good about it, and made it clear to him when he was doing something he shouldn't. We spoke to him about it as well. After a couple of months the problem went away and 5 years on he is rarely in trouble at school, has a good group of friends, is doing well academically and has very positive school reports.

Some children find the jump from nursery to school more unsettling than others. It sounds like you're doing everything right. Just give it time and i suspect your son will settle down.

 

[Justin Passing]

Somebody must have pointed out that some of those behaviours fit pretty well with one of the boxes "experts" like to put people in - ADHD, and you've probably visited this page: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/ .
I see a few matches with your lad in the first paragraphs there.
That would be good and bad at once. Nobody likes being boxed, we're all different, but some of the help for that may help you. "They" say it may start at age 5 so he's early. A tiny dose of one of the drugs may help calm him - if so, then ok. Not what you'd want but they can help normalise things. I've been taking a mild antidepressant for decades, which is incredibly common. If I stop, I start to notice life gives me "unwanted stimuli"!

I'd say it's time to plumb the depths of the NHS, there are some very good people to help. The parents with severest problems have kids with errm, mental deficiencies of one sort or another, which doesn't sound like it applies in your case. But is there any thing he avoids - numbers, bright colours, loud noises, I'd expect you to be asked. Is there anything which makes things worse - you know, caffeine etc etc?
It will pass, these things generally do, but it sounds like you're on a journey. Most people will be only wanting the best and will do all they can. There be a tw@t here or there though - there always is.
If it's nothing like adhd then you'll be told pretty quickly. The NHS bless em are also keen to NOT do anything much if they can, unlike say in the USA.

I'd poke the monster - see your GP. You're not making a fuss, you'd be doing the reponsible thing - checking with the best people, rather than those well-meaning yobs on a web forum!

Good luck mate, nobody said kids woz easy .

 

[securespark]

What I meant about being bitten was that if this (or other undesirable behaviour) is happening to him, he may be showing undesirable behaviour to others.

 

[AngleEyes]

Rabies?

Rabies is not found in UK, except very rarely in bats.
"It's not found in the UK, except in a small number of wild bats."
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/rabies/

 

[sxturbo]

Somebody must have pointed out that some of those behaviours fit pretty well with one of the boxes "experts" like to put people in - ADHD, and you've probably visited this page: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/ .
I see a few matches with your lad in the first paragraphs there.
That would be good and bad at once. Nobody likes being boxed, we're all different, but some of the help for that may help you. "They" say it may start at age 5 so he's early. A tiny dose of one of the drugs may help calm him - if so, then ok. Not what you'd want but they can help normalise things. I've been taking a mild antidepressant for decades, which is incredibly common. If I stop, I start to notice life gives me "unwanted stimuli"!

I'd say it's time to plumb the depths of the NHS, there are some very good people to help. The parents with severest problems have kids with errm, mental deficiencies of one sort or another, which doesn't sound like it applies in your case. But is there any thing he avoids - numbers, bright colours, loud noises, I'd expect you to be asked. Is there anything which makes things worse - you know, caffeine etc etc?
It will pass, these things generally do, but it sounds like you're on a journey. Most people will be only wanting the best and will do all they can. There be a tw@t here or there though - there always is.
If it's nothing like adhd then you'll be told pretty quickly. The NHS bless em are also keen to NOT do anything much if they can, unlike say in the USA.

I'd poke the monster - see your GP. You're not making a fuss, you'd be doing the reponsible thing - checking with the best people, rather than those well-meaning yobs on a web forum!

Good luck mate, nobody said kids woz easy .

Thanks for that.

He doesn't like loud noises too much, he doesn't like the noise of the hoover when it's used, but that's pretty much about it, oh and some typhoon jets done a fly by in Maldon the other day when we were there and he didn't like the noise of that, but generally it's just normal.

He doesn't go hypo with sweets or caffeine (though most caffeine he's ever had is a cup of milky tea, he doesn't have coffee or anything).

Will see what the teacher says next week, see what the school behaviour teacher says and go from their, but all signs point to being a normal boy.

I suppose when we really think about it we are scared of our son being labelled as having something "wrong" with him

 

[sxturbo]

What I meant about being bitten was that if this (or other undesirable behaviour) is happening to him, he may be showing undesirable behaviour to others.

There is a boy called John my lad was telling me this morning who he and his friends don't like playing with and avoid if they can who goes round slapping everyone on the head and face. But he's never been the target of my boys out bursts.

 

[charliegolf]

Drugs? For a 4 year old in his first term at school? Let's take a breath here. Sxturbo, how many kids do you have? With the best will in the world, parents are not best placed to judge whether they are indulging their own child. He may just need a bit of time to get tuned into life at school where he is 1/30th not 30/30ths of the kids. Stay engaged with the school, give them some time to do their thing. There is absolutely nothing in it for the school to wrongly target a child as being badly behaved, or 'having a problem'. They are telling you regularly, because at the end of the term/year/report time/parents' evening, you should never ever be presented with a shock about your child.
To quote Jim Lovell, "There are a thousand steps to go through and we are on number eight." There is every likelihood of a good outcome.

CG

 

[big-all]

Thanks for that.

He doesn't like loud noises too much, he doesn't like the noise of the hoover when it's used, but that's pretty much about it, oh and some typhoon jets done a fly by in Maldon the other day when we were there and he didn't like the noise of that, but generally it's just normal.

He doesn't go hypo with sweets or caffeine (though most caffeine he's ever had is a cup of milky tea, he doesn't have coffee or anything).

Will see what the teacher says next week, see what the school behaviour teacher says and go from their, but all signs point to being a normal boy.

I suppose when we really think about it we are scared of our son being labelled as having something "wrong" with him

often the wrong way to think about it in stead off "wrong" think "different" not everybodies brain is wired the same way

 

[Mottie]

One thing possibly worth considering as we have noticed this about our own grandchild and this could apply to most kids of that age is that for a significant percentage of their young lives so far, they have had little or no interaction with other children due to the pandemic/social distancing/lockdown. This must surely have some bearing on their ability for learning to interact and behave with others of the same age?

 

[sxturbo]

Drugs? For a 4 year old in his first term at school? Let's take a breath here. Sxturbo, how many kids do you have? With the best will in the world, parents are not best placed to judge whether they are indulging their own child. He may just need a bit of time to get tuned into life at school where he is 1/30th not 30/30ths of the kids. Stay engaged with the school, give them some time to do their thing. There is absolutely nothing in it for the school to wrongly target a child as being badly behaved, or 'having a problem'. They are telling you regularly, because at the end of the term/year/report time/parents' evening, you should never ever be presented with a shock about your child.
To quote Jim Lovell, "There are a thousand steps to go through and we are on number eight." There is every likelihood of a good outcome.

CG

Only the one unfortunately,

We'll do everything we can to support.

My main aim of this thread was more of a sanity check on myself thinking that he's pretty much normal, which this thread seems to have confirmed.

I think the school is being a bit over zealous with the behavioural specialist getting engaged at such an early stage, but as this is their day job I have to accept they likely know more about behaviour issues than myself.

We want to be contacted when he does things wrong as we wish to stamp out the bad behaviour (but not his spirit), I don't want him to be a robot or sheep, and we actively encourage him to make his own decisions, use his imagination and have a degree of independence at home.

The teacher seems to be making it out that it's a serious problem and appears to be wanting us to do more, but not really sure what else we can do.

My boy is concious about getting calls from school, he's disappointed in himself when they happen, so im convinced it's not nastiness,

 

[sxturbo]

One thing possibly worth considering as we have noticed about our own grandchild and this could apply to most kids of that age is that for a significant percentage of their young lives so far, they have had little or no interaction with other children due to the pandemic/social distancing/lockdown. This must surely have some bearing on their learning to interact and behaviour with others of the same age.

I would agree with that and have seen this with friend young children, but my boy has been at nursery throughout the whole pandemic until starting school