Euros - England vs Germany

[fillyboy]

England fans 'too tired' to mock Germany after five-year xenophobia binge | The Daily Mash

ENGLAND fans worn out by a five-year xenophobia binge are exhaustedly trying to summon up reserves of bigotry against the Germans.

Across the country fans who know they should be indulging in all manner of racially offensive stereotypes are struggling to even do weak Nazi impressions.

Nathan Muir of Hitchin said: “Achtung! For you the war iz over! No, my heart’s not in it.

“I suppose you can’t do a solid half-decade of rabid nationalism without losing a little enthusiasm for it. Like, when was I last not hating foreigners? It tires you out.

“Here we are with a golden opportunity, the bloody Krauts and a genuine reason for a bit of unpleasant ethnocentric taunting, and I’m done before we start. Pathetic.

“It’s all I can do to keep up my hatred for the Chinese, and the Venezuelans, and all these migrants on boats and French fishermen and whoever. Compared to Brexit, the football’s light relief.

“I’m sure all the old prejudices will come roaring back once we kick off and I’ll be back to my old self again. I just hope I’m not letting the Germans down.”

 

[ellal]

Yep.

Says it all really...

You're prejudiced and proud of it

 

[Mottie]

They’re paid to do a job. Do you take the knee every time you turn up for your shift at work?

 

[fillyboy]

How to have a great evening watching England f**k it up | The Daily Mash

LOOKING forward to the big match, but realistically it’s the Germans? Here’s how to have a great night in the face of inevitable disappointment:

Put valium out with your nibbles

Pizza slices, potato wedges and Kettle Chips are great nibbles to watch the football with, but why not put out a complimentary bowl of valium? When the final goal’s scored in the four-nil loss you’ll be emotionally dead to the outcome.

Have excuses ready

If England lose, it’ll be because they’re crap. Ignore this and focus on minor events such as a missed early chance or a sly foul. Pile up enough and it’ll be as if England actually won in a parallel and morally balanced universe, just like in ’96, ’02 and ’18.

Get wrecked

A few beers go brilliantly with a great football match. This isn’t going to be one of those. Substitute a couple of litres of vodka instead. Being barely conscious will really take the edge off the loss, but remember not to drunkenly blurt out that getting married was a terrible mistake.

Mention the war

England beat Germany in 1966, but we had many other victories before that: the Battle of Britain, the sinking of the Tirpitz, Rommel’s defeat in North Africa, or Amiens. Despite this being irrelevant to a football match a century later, expect widespread agreement.

Put £300 on Germany

Smile through the tears by letting naked greed overwhelm your patriotism, like a Tory would. Any setback for England or unfair decision will have you grinning in reluctant admiration as you stand to clear a grand.

Invite a male friend who will cry like a six-year-old girl

Pathetically, such people exist and you know one. The mortifying sight of a grown man sobbing over a football match will give you a sense of perspective and take your mind off England’s defeat as you surreptitiously livestream him on WhatsApp.

 

[ellal]

They’re paid to do a job. Do you take the knee every time you turn up for your shift at work?

Do you?

Oh that's right, you're taking taxpayers money for doing nothing!

 

[Mottie]

Do you?

Oh that's right, you're taking taxpayers money for doing nothing!

I kneel and give thanks to Rishi on a daily basis.

 

[Scarlet Pimpernel]

Why is he using his pimpernel login? Have some of the others been deleted?
How many alias names do you have Himmi?

Thanks to the mod for explaining it to mitch66.

Mitch66, maybe I'll change my username again in 50 days, or 50 weeks, or 50 months, or 50 years, whichever it was, just to keep you on your toes, or to misdirect you.

 

[transam]

An English victory is a Foregone conclusion imo

looks like after disposing of the Germans we will not be up against the French

they capitulated to the Swiss

yep the Swiss cuckoo clocks and cheese with holes in it


Mind you Fritz Egli was Swiss

 

[transam]

Bye bye Germany

2 nil up

 

[fillyboy]

It's almost unheard of, but on this occasion I think Galahad may be right.

 

[fillyboy]

And transam of course.

 

[Mottie]

Bye bye Herman.

 

[transam]

Sorted

football is coming home

bring on the Swedes

 

[Munroast]

Sorted

football is coming home

bring on the Swedes

Lets hope we do more than turn-up

 

[transam]

Lets hope we do more than turn-up