Spoof News...
Gordon Brown apologises to Jeremy Clarkson!
PM Gordon Brown today said he was sorry after calling TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson 'a tall annoying adolescent geek, with a mental age of 14', and 'someone who thinks cars are exciting, and hanging around lots of other adolescent male geeks is exciting - which he obviously does.' He had also said 'My nephew is at primary school, and he has more life experience than that inbred, annoying, overpaid git Clarkson.'
'I'm so tewwibly, tewwibly sorry', the Scot apologised to the Top Bore presenter, 'for suggesting that an overgrown English schoolboy with about as much charisma as a cold cheese sandwich should be offended by my remarks. I can only hope that Master Clarkson can forgive me, please, please, oh please forgive me, Your Waste of Licence Feed One', before bursting into tears at his shame for insulting such a widely-admired figure.
But Clarkson himself was uninterested in Mr Brown's remarks. 'I live in the real adult world', he said, 'with a real job, don't bother me right now. Go and find some media luvvie who gushes away at press conferences like a drama queen, I have a programme to run.'
Mr Brown was seen playing with his Scalextric set in the garden at number 10 Downing Street.
War declared on Jeremy Clarkson by SBIA!
Following his description of the Prime Minister as a "one-eyed Scottish idiot", Jeremy Clarkson has had death threats, abusive phone calls, people spitting at him and even Sugarbabes and James Blunt CD's sent directly to his home.
The Prime Minister, who is a chap called Mr Brown, is a decent sort of a bloke living temporarilty in a place called Downing Street, near to the offices where he does a very difficult job rather badly. Although in fairness, not as bad a job as those thieving bankers, and they want bonuses - the fact they've not been hanged should be considered bonus enough.
However, it seems the SBIA - the Scottish Blind Idiot's Association - have taken none to kindly to what they consider a slur on their membership name by the ill-trousered television presenter.
A spokesman for the SIBA said: "Tora! Tora! Tora! - that's what the Japanese planes used to say during the Second World War."
He added: "I don't remember the war very well because it happened 15 years before I was born. That's why we're declaring it on Mr Clarkson.
"Not that I would have seen much of the original War, on account of my deafness. And I certainly wouldn't have heard the planes flying over because I'm partially blind.
"Please pass my medication. My brain hurts."
