Long live Boris

[fillyboy]

Suck it, Britain

MY MPs tried to kick me out. The country booed me at the Jubilee. But I’m here with one thing to say to the turncoats: suck my big posh dick.

www.thedailymash.co.uk

MY MPs tried to kick me out. The country booed me at the Jubilee. But I’m here with one thing to say to the turncoats: suck my big posh dick.

First up – my so-called party. Especially you Red Wall scum. If it wasn’t for me you’d still be accountants in ****ville-on-Sea, so down on your knees and get sucking. I’ll regard it as a bit of rough.

No one wants to be sucked off by Andrew Bridgen, but them’s the rules. And of course there’s Jeremy Hunt. Get down there and do a good job on my balls. No kneeling on a cushion.

Nor have I forgotten the journalists saying it would be ‘a close-run thing’. Big f**king deal, I won. Chris Mason and Fiona Bruce, let’s see your heads bobbing away. Not Peston, he’d enjoy it too much.

Then there’s those booing crowds at St Paul’s. Ultimately you humiliated yourselves so get your gobs round my knob. Most of you voted for me anyway. On with it and don’t worry about putting your false teeth in.

Obviously I’ll be pretty spaffed out by this stage. I’ll have to keep drinking plenty of water and eating yoghurt, because I don’t want to let down one particular fellator: Sir Keir Starmer.

For weeks I’ve been listening to his sanctimonious crap about parties. I think we’d all welcome him shutting up for five minutes thanks to a mouthful of Boris meat.

And last? You, the British public. Wouldn’t shut up about Brexit, then the moment there’s a queue in an airport you’re moaning like *******s.

It’ll take months for you all to blow me but that’s not a problem. As you may have noticed, I’m not going anywhere.

 

[transam]

Blimey there is johnson

Wounded on the battle field

But keeps going

What a trooper

 

[motorbiking]

The parliamentary Tory party have always known he is incompetent.
and he put total incompetents in the cabinet

This is not a government, it is just a propaganda machine.


Keir Starmer is currently bookies favourite for next PM, above Hunt.

Don't those odds exclude BJ?

 

[Nige F]

Yup. The plotters are already be sharpening their knives.

hopefully the barbers are sharpening their scissors. He needs to be less clown like now

 

[Deleted member 294929]

 

[Deleted member 18243]

Boris needs to go, but then so does the rest of the political elite of all parties.

We need a properly conservative party that will pay off the National Debt; stop printing money; stop immigration; send Blair's 10 million back; punish criminals properly; bring back hanging; shut down the BBC; stop all cash benefits to those who have not paid in; ban Chinese imports; revive British industry and farming; stop HS2 and reopen railway lines that people actually want; demolish all the new houses that have been built on green fields; put the force back in the Police Force; bring back National Service and bring the Army back up to useful numbers.

 

[Odds]

Matthew Garrahan
@MattGarrahan
·
4h

Volodymyr Zelensky to
@khalafroula
on Boris Johnson. "I am very happy [he won the confidence vote]. He is a true friend of Ukraine...I am glad we have not lost a very important ally" #FTGlobalBoardroom

Doesn't he realise the UKs position with regard to Ukraine won't change one inch, whoever takes charge in the Autumn?

 

[Odds]

Blimey there is johnson

Wounded on the battle field

But keeps going

What a trooper

A winged duck is an easy target.
He'll be allowed to waddle along for a while but someone will come along to finish him off sooner rather than later.

 

[Odds]

Boris needs to go, but then so does the rest of the political elite of all parties.

We need a properly conservative party that will pay off the National Debt; stop printing money; stop immigration; send Blair's 10 million back; punish criminals properly; bring back hanging; shut down the BBC; stop all cash benefits to those who have not paid in; ban Chinese imports; revive British industry and farming; stop HS2 and reopen railway lines that people actually want; demolish all the new houses that have been built on green fields; put the force back in the Police Force; bring back National Service and bring the Army back up to useful numbers.

Pay off the National debt, you say?

Public Sector Net Debt amounted to 94.9% of GDP as of January this year; the highest its been since the early 60s.

Good luck with that.

Bring back National Service, you say?

Bloody 'ell, you want to go back to the 50s!

 

[JohnD]

"Johnson has had three years to prove the great campaigner can be an effective premier. Instead he has shown himself distracted, chaotic, weak, self-serving, dishonest and addicted to government by headline. As he fought to save his leadership, what new measure did he wave before his party? A pledge on restoring imperial measurements."

FT.com

 

[noseall]

A winged duck is an easy target.
He'll be allowed to waddle along for a while but someone will come along to finish him off sooner rather than later.

He does need putting out of the UK's misery, yes.

 

[transam]

Ukranians are happy Johnson is still
In office

 

[Deleted member 18243]

Pay off the National debt, you say?

Public Sector Net Debt amounted to 94.9% of GDP as of January this year; the highest its been since the early 60s.

There are 5.3 million on out-of-work benefits. I've not been on the dole for about 20 years, and back then it was about £50 a week. I don't know what it is now, but let's say a round figure of £75 a week. That's a conservative estimate I'm sure, but at that, it's nearly £400 million a week, or £20 billion a year. Stop the cash payments and give them soup. Then you've got all the payments to foreign countries, and on rubbish like HS2. I'd have the debt down in no time and then we could keep all our own money to do something good with.

 

[Deleted member 294929]

What's in the soup

 

[Deleted member 18243]

What's in the soup

Leaves mainly.

Leaves are Britain's largest crop; billions of them every autumn, and they all go to waste.