Taking on a new spouse, on the the death of a previous one.

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I'm just curious about everyone's own thoughts on the subject really. I well knew I would survive my original partner, because of her health issues, but never got around to discussing it with her. I was deeply upset at her passing, though equally determined the end of her life, should not be the end of my own. Had I been the first to go, I would expect nothing less.
 
I live on my own and have never been in a long term relationship, too selfish.

If I'm reading your post correctly however, you're asking for peoples views on whether it's right or not to have another partner should their current partner pass away?

So many variables in these scenarios. The long and short of it is that you must surely do what's right for you? Life goes on and all that. I know of situations where a new partner can cause challenges e.g. with children who look on the new partner as a replacement, which can cause tensions. As I say, so many variables.

Do what's right for you and what you feel comfortable with :)
 
Brother's wife died when he was around 57. Fate put him with someone else on a coach trip abroad and about 18 months after losing #1, they were an item. Now happily married. He's 67, they moved, to a different house to break both sides' memories, and are set up to enjoy themselves.
His first was a bossy cow I never liked, this one's actually normal. She was afraid of not being accepted so first time he asked us down I gave her a big bunch of flowers & a hug & "Hello Sis!".
Would I do the same? Probably not. I don't like people, particularly. He wants to go all over the world but I've done enough of that gig.

I seem to be getting something else wrong with me diagnosed every couple of weeks at the moment. If something gets me, my wife will I hope find someone else.
 
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Harry

Yes, I think that's the right attitude.

You have life left in you and I'm sure your other half would want you to move on and live and love again.

I know I would, and I'm sure Mrs Secure would too.
 
Go for it Harry, but don't rush in to it. Both sides need to understand that you both, (probably), had long relationships before and there will inevitably be the odd time when one of you compares the actions of the other against the previous partner. You have to accept that this partner is a totally different person to any previous one(s) you had and possibly make allowances. You cannot 'mould' them to be the same sort of person.
I'm lucky inthat both my ex, and my new wifes ex, were basically gas-lighters which neither of us realised until it was too late. Thankfully we both took the plunge and divorced them. At the time we did not know each other so neither had an influence on the other. It was only months after we had met, and began opening up about things, we realised how much we had in common over our previous relationship.
 
I think OK to find a new partner. So long as you remember the good times you had and both have a respect for those memories and treasures.
My nan outlived 4 partners, I think.
 
I live on my own and have never been in a long term relationship, too selfish.

I don't see it as selfish, rather I am being selfish in wanting the advantages of having a partner to share things with, to some extent share the running costs, the workload and share the responsibility. I live alone in a home built to house a family of 4 or 5 - that I do see as being rather selfish. I could quickly resolve that, by letting rooms out, but I really wouldn't want the aggravation of doing that.

go for it.

I would certainly want my wife to continue living her life to the full if I went early.

Me too, but have you made that clear to her?

That is what I did/am doing and too be honest, I had already given it some private thought before she passed away. It wasn't something I could have discussed with her when she was alive, because just talking about it would have so upset her.

Go for it Harry, but don't rush in to it.

I have already rushed into it twice since my original partner [1] and it hasn't worked out well. I was all for rushing in a third/fourth time, but she is the one saying wait. I have had two friends be highly critical of my moving on, one of whom, after a many decades long friendship - I had a fall out with over the criticism.

[1] I also rushed into it with my original partner, but that worked out mostly fine for 35 years.

I was lucky #1 was here, because I had a major health incident in the middle of the night - a very serious oesophagus bleed, from which I could have died.

100% Harry, you go for it.

dont go too young on the age, nothing much below 25

She is 18 years my junior, but is extremely keen. She had a very bad time with her husband and he left her in a very deliberate mess when he died. I had one woman of less than half my age really desperate to be rescued, but I gave that a miss.

I started the thread, mostly to see if some of you guys had agreed anything with your wives/partners, rather than discuss my arrangements?
 
Do you need to get married? Don’t forget she could divorce you and demand a slice of your assets.

when I got married I had no idea how much it would cost to unpick. Literally the most stupid thing I ever did financially.
 
You can do a pre-nup, make it clear that in the event of a divorce later on your children will solely inherit your estate as it currently stands, and anything you gain from now is shared with wife, or something like that.
 
Increasingly they are being recognised. but it’s better to find some other way of making a commitment without it being so legally restrictive.
 
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