Depression.

[imamartian]

hate to be a killjoy, but isn't the Eng/Ire/Sco joke and the Paddy joke considered racist these days?

 

[Karinska]

Of course not. Those nationalities are predominantly white and it's not possible to be racist against white people

 

[Susiejb]

sorry imamartian....couldn't resist these

Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year".
Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."

Paddy & Mick find three hand grenades, so they take them to a police
station.
Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?"
Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two."

keep smiling ......its good for you

 

[thatbloke]

bfgiw2bv hfeu92

 

[cumbriahandyman]

An Irishman came home early one afternoon and just as he came in the door the telephone rang so he answered it.

'Who was that dear on the phone?' shouted his wife from the kitchen.
'It was a wrong number, darling', said the Irishman 'some fellow looking for the Met. Office. He wanted to know if the coast was clear'.

 

[cumbriahandyman]

As the funeral procession went by, the American tourist inquired of the Paddy standing next to him:

'Who's dead?'

'I'm not sure,' said the Paddy, 'but I think it's the feller in the big box in the front car.'

 

[Space cat]

Let's give the long-suffering Irish a break here ---

"How do you make an Irish woman pregnant?"
"I don't know. How DO you make an Irish woman pregnant?"
"And you call the Irish thick. Boom boom!"

(Basil Brush? Not sure now.)

 

[cumbriahandyman]

Do you consider your self a racist cumbrian? Or do you just think you are funny?
Why not go down to your local Irish bar and tell your jokes?
I know , you can use some children as your human shield , just like in the good old days.

I forgot how prim you are and that you would never tell a joke about another race...

An Englishman is strolling through the highlands of Scotland on a rare sunny afternoon. Upon reaching a highland burn running through the hills, he kneels down to take a refreshing drink, whereupon he is spotted by a highland gamekeeper'
"Och noo - ah widnae drink oot o' that watter,its git cow creehk and s***te in it!"
The englishman is greatly confused at the message, and replies "I'm terribly sorry sir, but i'm English and i couldn't understand a word you just said. Could you possibly repeat yourself slowly?"
"Ah, English!" comes the reply, "I said 'Use two hands, you'll get more!'"

Jon Smith started the day early having set his alarm clock(MADE IN JAPAN) for 6am.

While his coffeepot (MADE IN CHINA) was perking, he shaved with his electric razor (MADE IN HONG KONG ).

He put on a clean shirt (MADE IN SRI LANKA ), designer jeans (MADE IN SINGAPORE ) and tennis shoes (MADE IN KOREA )

After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet (MADE IN INDIA ) he sat down with his calculator (MADE IN MEXICO ) to see how much he could spend today.

After setting his watch (MADE IN TAIWAN ) to the radio (MADE IN INDIA ) he got in his car (MADE IN GERMANY) filled it with petrol (from SAUDI ARABIA )

He then spent the rest of the day at the job centre, wondering why he couldn't get a **** job in England!

An Englishman is strolling through the highlands of Scotland on a rare sunny afternoon. Upon reaching a highland burn running through the hills, he kneels down to take a refreshing drink, whereupon he is spotted by a highland gamekeeper'
"Och noo - ah widnae drink oot o' that watter,its git cow creehk and s***te in it!"
The englishman is greatly confused at the message, and replies "I'm terribly sorry sir, but i'm English and i couldn't understand a word you just said. Could you possibly repeat yourself slowly?"
"Ah, English!" comes the reply, "I said 'Use two hands, you'll get more!'"

Apparently the brits were the first to try to bury bin laden at sea but they failed miserably,

Every time they tried to dig some water out the hole just filled back up again.

 

[cumbriahandyman]

Actually, I think I am funny, my jokes are still there, your abuse has rightly been deleted.

Two faced and double standards spring to mind...

 

[Susiejb]

OMG what is it with you lot.....have you had sense of humour bypass or something .....

does it really matter ..... tell jokes about women......will I get all offended and shirty ......of course I will (only kidding) .....of course I wont.

Why is everyone so touchy

 

[Big Tone]

Best three things in life ---

A kiss before and a cuddle after.

Is that an offer?

Accepted!

+ (Not sure what happens here) +

I noticed the compost on my vegetable patch at the bottom of my garden looked like it had got thicker somehow the other day. The day after, to my astonishment, the same thing happened again but it’s none of my doing. This morning it was visibly deeper than before by about two inches I would say and I still can’t understand why

The plot thickens...


For some time now I’ve had a ghost in my house and I swear it has the same face as Gloria Gaynor.

At first I was afraid, I was petrified...

 

[Big Tone]

I remember an extended version of your signature cumbriahandyman, which went something like this..


“Political correctness is a doctrine, fostered by a delusional, illogical minority which holds the belief that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd from the clean end”.

 

[Big Tone]

I’m very good at DIY. When the wife says will you put that shelf up this week I tell her “Do It Yourself”.

To be serious for a minute..

I’m going to guess that you, That Bloke, are in a loving relationship, maybe mortgage-free with kids and solvent? But not all of us are in that position my friend.

I’m in debt up to my eyeballs, I hate my work and I haven’t had sex in three years. Do you fancy swapping with me? You’re not allowed to use my one pleasure though

 

[thatbloke]

bfhrob vhf9o2vhbf9o2

 

[thatbloke]

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