What would be the worst figure of speech if you took them literally?

I think cats and dogs might be marginally preferable to 'it's p155ing down'.
 
Does the following count as a figure of speech?
Eff me sideways with a barge pole.
 
The famous Himmy couldn't grasp the concept of figure of speech.
I told him to go feck himself and he actually had a go at it :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO: :ROFLMAO:
 
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