divorce

[EddieM]

fellow notters, I am sad to say that I am getting divorced from my wife of 15 years. I cannot tell you how painful this is. My family was my north south east and west. I am gutted to say the least. I'm totally lost,

I'm sorry, need some help. sorry! If anyone has been through this , please tell me how you got through it, @cos I don't dont know.

Sorry, thanks

 

[dextrous]

Sorry to hear about your situation - haven't been through it but my parents divorced when I was a kid.

 

[PrenticeBoyofDerry]

Sorry to hear this Eddie, I won't pretend to know what your going through but I'm sure you will manage.
I could make a joke about me and mine but I will resist on this occasion.
It will cut you to bits, so be strong.

 

[Estrella]

I feel for you Eddie.

I went through a very long separation and it was very hard for all concerned. I have three daughters and I am assuming, possibly incorrectly, that you have children. All I have is some do's/don't s. All may sound obvious, but easier said than done.

1. Try not to obsess about what the Ex is up too, who with , and where she's going (Not easy, trust me)

2. Resist ALL temptation to criticize your ex in front of the kids, even if they complain to you about her. Trust me they will. Either to try and make you feel better, or for point scoring. I supported my wife constantly, even though I struggled with some of the decisions she made whilst we were separated.

3. Don't over compensate with the kids. Be normal. Don't spoil them now you are separated. The temptation is very real, but it won't help either of you.

4. try and be civil. You may want to rip her head off and sh*t down her neck, but learn to swallow crap. It will make life so much easier in the long run.

5. Try and play the long game. Think before you speak and try and see how your actions /comments could possibly be misinterpreted. It's tough and you will make mistakes, but all of the above will make this nightmare easier I promise.

Good luck fella

 

[EddieM]

thanks, but i am destroyed, the tears keep falling .. the thought of not being able to say goodnight to the kids and tuck them in each night... well ...

 

[Estrella]

thanks, but i am destroyed, the tears keep falling .. the thought of not being able to say goodnight to the kids and tuck them in each night... well ...

Nothing wrong with tears mate, just don't do it in front of the kids. Of course you can tell that you are sad, and that you also share their undoubted grief. But again, even though it's tough you have to try and put on a tough facade. Easier said than done, I know.

 

[roughcaster]

Good luck to ya Eddie,, that's all i can say mate.

Roughcaster.

 

[EddieM]

thanks, but i am destroyed, the tears keep falling .. the thought of not being able to say goodnight to the kids and tuck them in each night... well ...

Nothing wrong with tears mate, just don't do it in front of the kids. Of course you can tell that you are sad, and that you also share their undoubted grief. But again, even though it's tough you have to try and put on a tough facade. Easier said than done, I know.

No I don't, and I don't critisize my ex wife infront of them. but I don't know how to answer the questions, of can I live with you dad, not mum.

I like any other decent parent only ever wanted the best for my kids, now I know that you're only hearing side.. no stuff it, I'm on a pure guilt trip here.


... it's difficult, I'm a bit lost......

 

[corgiman]

been there fella

it does get better honestly

just doesnt feel like now

box is right on the money

 

[EddieM]

I have failed, can't forgive myself for that.

 

[corgiman]

takes two to tango matey

dont forget that

 

[EddieM]

it's when my eldest said "when you get your new family" Oh god, please, no, they are my family!!! I love my sons more than my own life

Why why why, I tried everything?

 

[Thermo]

Sorry to hear it eddie.

There are lots of tired old sayings that seem to cover it, but always ring hollow. You need to be a rock for your kids. You are their father and always will be. Be that and they will always love you and appreciate you for that, regardless of what else goes on. Dont let them get dragged into the situation anymore then they have to and dont let them be used in anyway. Ive seen it as a stepfather and ive seen how it affects the children. Your love will always come through.

As for you, all you can do is take it day by day. Youve got a lot of crap to go through and some of it will be painful, confusing, expensive and unreasonable, but you will get through it. Your life will rebuild and it will get better.

thoughts are with you

 

[EddieM]

I never ever wanted this, I couldn't give a stuff about the money, I'm basically leaving with my clothes ( and my tools :weak smile want I really want is my family, it's all i ever wanted, sorry, tears again....

 

[Blasphemous]

Don't really know what to say Eddie. Anything I do say will be fairly meaningless in your situation. Just hope things start to smooth out for you soon mate.

Pointless I know but just wanted to say something. You're obviously so upset.