divorce

[Bahco]

Sadly my wife is neither reasonable or civil. She has instructed her solicitors who apparently I pay for for an occupancy order on the house that I solely own and pay for, I feel like I'm being raped

Hi Eddie

I remember a chap telling me yrs ago that "when it comes to the crunch, women are as hard as nails" and he was right! A woman will be completely unreasonable and screw you and then talk to you as if nothing has happened.

Sorry to hear you are upset. You have to go through the break up and accept all the horrible emotions and deppression in order to come out at the other end. You will feel a lot better in a few weeks and you WILL find a new love in time that will make you feel a lot better about yourself.

Takes time but you have to go through it unfortunately.

Good luck mate and we are here for you.

 

[wobs]

First of all, my heart goes out to you. I've been through divorce (although no kids), and it was the most painful thing I've ever been through.

Best advice I ever got was to keep it civil. To quibble over material items etc is what makes lawyers rich. As others have said, keep treating your kids normally, and don't use them as ammo. Try to maintain your dignity, and moral high ground.

The idea someone mentioned of a diary is an excellent one. I found writing things down very useful to get my head sorted, to sort out feelings etc.

Always remember that the woman you married no longer exists. The woman that is divorcing you is basically a different person. Be careful what you say, keep it civil.

Now, some sites that might help you deal with your loss (they helped me):
http://www.themenscenter.com/busterb/index.htm

http://www.geocities.com/RainForest/Vines/3951/noback/sex.html

There's a whole men's movement with a wide range of advice available, and support. Fathers4Justice, Glenn Sacks, Men Going Their Own Way (MGTOW), Antimisandry... the list goes on.

Many men come out of such situations never to marry again, and frankly, who can blame them.

Look them up, as they will help.

The very of best of luck with your future.

 

[kidgreen61]

Very sorry to hear your news Eddie, it's probably the most unpleasant thing you'll ever have to go through in life.

My wife left me 11yrs ago and I thought it was the end of the world, my children were only 8 &10.

I moved heaven and earth to see them 1 night a week & every other weekend (which cost a fortune in lost work, but worth every penny), and they have now grown into beautiful, polite, well adjusted young women, to whom I extremely close.

Great advice from Box, to which I would add, if possible, try and keep parasites (lawyers) out of it as much as you can, they will only try and line their own pockets at your expense.

Much as you think it unlikely, you will meet someone else in the future, but beware, it probably won't last because you're still hurting, so go easy for a while and sow your oats!

Good luck, and don't be afraid to ask for help in the forthcoming months.

 

[PrenticeBoyofDerry]

I don't know too much about this stuff but be careful what your giving away.
I think the pension law either has or talks of it changing.
With the wee ones still at home, your likely to have an obligation to keep a roof over their heads until they reach 16/17 our still in education.
But your solicitor will but you straight on that.

 

[ColJack]

it's biassed againt fathers..
if it's your house and she'd leaving you then you should get to stay and the kids stay with you in their home..
it's not fair that she gets to kick you out and keep your house and the kids..
not fair at all

best wishes to you mate..

make sure that you read the exact lettering of any settlement orders you get..
my friends mate had a classic jaguar worth thousands.. his ex-missuses the settlement said that it was to be sold and that his ex was entitled to half of what he got for it..
so he sold it to my mate for £5 and gave her £2.50, then bought it back for £10.. so my mate made a proffit and he got to screw his missus over..
a petty thing to do but that was the frame of mind he was in at the time..

 

[Estrella]

Eddie,
Even if you were doinking the au pair your wifes animosity will subside. You married and fell in love with this person and she wasn't unreasonable or uncivil then. This is raw for both of you, she is just showing her sadness/upset in a different way. As stared previously, things will calm down, it's impossible to stay angry for ever. You are just at the hardest stage, things will mellow with time. And I can assure you that if she starts bad mouthing you to the kids she will do nothing but hurt herself and them.

Do your best to stay cool, polite and accommodating when dealing with her. Easier said than done, I know. Get yourself a lawyer as you need to provide a home for you children as well. A home which is just as important as the one she provides.

Good luck amigo

 

[EddieM]

tears rolled all day to day. I think it may be peaking. Doctors appointment in a couple of weeks. Sorry, destroyed.

 

[markie]

sorry to hear EddieM, be strong, time is a good healer.

all the best

 

[joe-90]

I think it may be peaking. .

You've got to be joking. You are still in the shock phase.

BTW, What's the doctor got to do with it?

 

[Bahco]

tears rolled all day to day. I think it may be peaking. Doctors appointment in a couple of weeks. Sorry, destroyed.

You have to go through it mate.

The dark cloud will lift soon and you will feel better. Please let us know when this happens.

We have all had pain like this so we understand.

 

[EddieM]

My wife filed papers in April, I have been how would you call it "edgy" since.

My family was my world. I have lost that world. I have nothing left.

 

[joe-90]

You haven't lost it. You move on and make a home for your kids to visit you.
They have two homes from now on. Don't let them down. I've done it. I'm 15 years on and quite honestly, tough though it was I don't regret it happening.

 

[oompah]

You say your wife filed papers in April,what did she sue for divorce for?

 

[sooey]

He was spending too long on the fkin computer.

Sorry Eddie, but get a grip lad ffs, sh1t happens to all of us.

 

[EddieM]

Unreasonable behaviour.