A heartfelt reply to a mottie post...

[ellal]

mottie wrote this in a topic I am not allowed to reply in...

"Been consoling Mrs Mottie today. She and her sister signed their mum in at a care home this morning and they are both tearing themselves apart as to whether they have done the right thing. They have been in denial for some time now about their mums dementia. Plain fact is that she cannot live on her own. Living in our house and then her sisters house for 2 or three days at a time she sort of calms down but she is running them ragged. Left on her own, she has forgotten how to feed and wash herself and although they have not said yet, she is wearing her neighbours down knocking them up at 2 and 3 in the morning resulting in them having to phone us up to go and collect her. They both said she had a face like a smacked arse when they dropped her off this morning - she is sort of having a good day today and she knows what’s going on."



We had to help out a relative who couldn't face making a choice about his partner, so we stepped in to help separate the practical from the emotional...

Making that choice is very difficult, but if the care home has the right procedures in place in time most people come to accept their 'new home'.

And with dementia, in a bizarre way as the memory fades there does seem to be a calming down of behaviour...

A few years on and we learned yesterday that she is now in the hospital with pneumonia and almost certainly terminal.

And if I were allowed to say what had I done today, in a few days time I suspect it would be watching someone die

But the last year or so she seemed at peace.

So reassure them that they have made the right choice!

 

[Notch7]

Dementia is a horrible thing, my FIL had Lewy body dementia.

Dementia is watching a slow death as protein gets increasingly over different parts of the brain

 

[Notch7]

Been consoling Mrs Mottie today. She and her sister signed their mum in at a care home this morning and they are both tearing themselves apart as to whether they have done the right thing. They have been in denial for some time now about their mums dementia

There is another way to look at this.

Caring for somebody with an increasing level of need means the family don't get time to spend with their relative.

Visiting a relative I'm a care home means when visits can be quality time.

My Dad lived at home until he died, he didn't have dementia but was very frail the last 6 months was very stressful for me and my sister. My Dad had a mobile, he started having falls and I would get calls through the night.

Last 2 weeks I was administering morphine 4 times a day

 

[Mottie]

Visiting a relative I'm a care home means when visits can be quality time.

They have both said that now when they visit, they can spend quality time, take her out etc. Mrs Mottie did Mondays straight from work, her sis Wednesdays straight from work and they both went on Fridays. Their brother is practically useless. All they did was spend their time cooking, cleaning, laundry, cutting the grass, weeding the gardens, food shopping, GP visits, sorting out her bills etc (they both have POA for heath & finance) and they had hardly any time to spend socially with her! Hopefully it will work out better as time goes on.

 

[Mottie]

mottie wrote this in a topic I am not allowed to reply in...

"Been consoling Mrs Mottie today. She and her sister signed their mum in at a care home this morning and they are both tearing themselves apart as to whether they have done the right thing. They have been in denial for some time now about their mums dementia. Plain fact is that she cannot live on her own. Living in our house and then her sisters house for 2 or three days at a time she sort of calms down but she is running them ragged. Left on her own, she has forgotten how to feed and wash herself and although they have not said yet, she is wearing her neighbours down knocking them up at 2 and 3 in the morning resulting in them having to phone us up to go and collect her. They both said she had a face like a smacked arse when they dropped her off this morning - she is sort of having a good day today and she knows what’s going on."



We had to help out a relative who couldn't face making a choice about his partner, so we stepped in to help separate the practical from the emotional...

Making that choice is very difficult, but if the care home has the right procedures in place in time most people come to accept their 'new home'.

And with dementia, in a bizarre way as the memory fades there does seem to be a calming down of behaviour...

A few years on and we learned yesterday that she is now in the hospital with pneumonia and almost certainly terminal.

And if I were allowed to say what had I done today, in a few days time I suspect it would be watching someone die

But the last year or so she seemed at peace.

So reassure them that they have made the right choice!

Thanks ellal.

 

[transam]

We work for a number of customers who have or there partners have dementia

One fella we work for in his 90s who does not have it but his much younger wife does

Was the fella who lit the Olympic flame at the London olympics a while back

He was also the same fella who did ? Or was involved in the olympics just after the war

Hence why his house was called torch cottage

His wife a former head mistress was taken into care as he could no longer cope with her ???

Whilst we worked there she would answer the door on a few occasions stark naked

 

[ellal]

They have both said that now when they visit, they can spend quality time, take her out etc.

That's the big plus of their decision for all concerned, including their mum.